They don't know
I smile knowing this but inside I burn in despair
Conflicted, I find myself staring at my shadow
I wish they knew
I wish they didn't
Its the "what comes after"  that causes me to hide inside my fragile skin
Its the "what if" that has my heart throbbing
For now the lights will be off and when you come looking for answers, I won't be home

Smile I say,
Inhale with the knowing of yesterdays rain
Believe in the good and bad
Smile I say,
Day is for memories and Night is for thoughts
Don't confuse them
Smile I say,
Sadness is only temporary and never perpetual
Happiness is perpetual and never temporary
Smile I say,
Not because you have to but because you want to
The pressure and air that lingers around you is young and only wants to prepare you
For what?
Smile I say and soon you will know

I got used to the saying, "It is societies fault."
I got used to the saying, "It is the universes fault."
I got used to saying these excuses.
Every fall and twist that cracked my shell, I would scream and point at the excuse.
The more and more I was pulled and tied, I would scream and point at the excuse.
This is not my fault, I would say. This is theirs.
Every insecurity that was tattooed onto my fragile skin, every rejection that was pinned on my forehead, and every mistake was a glowing neon sign on my back was not my fault I said. It was theirs.
Little did I know that these excuses blurred my sight and the truth was lost in the pile of excuses.
I lost count.
I forgot who I was.
I lost my ability to keep my head up.
I forgot that I was strong.
Little did I know that all these excuses were lies keeping me back from unveiling the truth.
The truth was that it was not societies or the universes fault--It was mine.
I gave power to the excuses that destroyed me.
I let it control me.
If  I knew the truth ahead of time, I would have tried harder.

I hide behind these paper walls
Words sprayed on the walls
Revealing a different universe
An escape
A portal
A second chance
A new perspective
I hide behind these paper walls
Because I can't live in this world
That has no escape
That has no portal
That has no second chances
That has no happily ever afters
I hide
I hide
I hide
I hide for freedom

Bleed
Bleed
Drop
Drop
Thud
Thud
Open yourself
Be vulnerable
Take a risk
Bleed
Bleed
Drop
Drop
Thud
Thud
We must drop down the brick walls to Love


-*Susan

Self centered and selfish
Earth revolves around us and only us
No one else matters
Our problems are number one, above death and hunger
Selfish it is called
Survival of the fittest because only the strong survive
If the boat was on fire, we would jump first, not caring if the others are hurt
Jump because we must take care of ourselves
Jump because it is our life
Jump because we might not get another chance at life
Jump because we must be strong
Jump because we are self centered
This sounds wrong and selfish but you know what they say, the truth hurts.