Tired mind, tired body.
Chaotic desk, chaotic kitchen.
As sleep escapes the eyes,
but not the mind,
dripping ink half conscious,
stalling.
Staying away from the dreams
which bring tomorrow's
cold reality.
Sickness pushing into the mind,
into the body,
with a dusty desk and
haphazard room in the dark.
We go up, we go down,
never to settle
as does the dust
upon our bones.
Misplaced my peace
(of mind)
at my alter of confidence,
and, once again,
exposed my insecurities.

You left fingerprints
on my face
You left lip prints
on my lips
You left warmth
around my waist,
a meaning to my days.

And you also left
a wound in my chest
tear stains on my cheeks
bruises in my mind
a scar for life.

Some call it bi-polar
I prefer manic-depression
It fits us better with adequate expression
We live our life in swooping loops
We strive at our peak then it droops
And the doleful drudge is destitute
Until all progress stops and stoops
To a halt, face down in mud and roots

And then we rise
Called back to life by a guiding light held deep inside
Sorely self-aware, we work until we burst
Droll desperation, at our best when at our worst
"Wow you got your **** together you lost and soulless ruffian."
Then we hit our peak and it all starts back up again

It smells like magic
To blow out a candle
Memories float from the wick
And noatalgia mixes in the air.

Dreams of a different time
Flood back as the vapors
Enter my nostrils.

I used to believe in things,
An enchanted world.

It reminds me of late nights
Alone in my childhood wasteland,
Dreaming and waiting...

The smoke dances
And I swear I can see
A future,
One that was supposed to be.

I can taste it in my mouth,
Ash is all that is left.

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.