bleh.
its worth it
but
i cant seem to wrap my head around the fact
bleh.

Have I yet impressed
upon you the urgency
of reform?
What's the real story here?
I reply
into a melting mirror
at a face deformed
lit by dollar store
finger lights
I reply
at night I'm dying to change
at daybreak's pallor
it's easier to
just resign
Unhealthy and sedentary unlike
two years ago, arteries hardening
lungs constricted and teeth missing
all due to smoke
I'm a joke,
chain-smoking although
there's a reason to stop
I don't want
to invite death,
then die so slow

But I do want to die lazily
My love, apathy

Wanting to press my cheek up against the creator of life.
For those days when even breathing adds to the
frustration of being.
Exploding with cries, dried out by the desire
to please mankind.
To please society.
Wanting to embrace stillness,
and lock myself away from all words and actions.
My head burns with pains caused by daily demands.
Dividing myself mentally to keep up physically.
Now both worlds are crashing.
I wanna press my cheek against the creator's,
and have him wipe my heavy tears away.
I wanna have deep conversations with him,
staring with hope in my eyes,
that some secrets would spill from his lips one day.
Secrets that ease my mind from being so sore.
I want to press my cheek up against the creator's .....
and soar