you haven't even left yet,
but i'm already missing you.
6 773 kilometers,
Thats an ocean to pass through.

its only been 8 months,
but it feels like my whole life.
now you're going home,
and we've run out of time.

maybe our paths will cross,
or maybe we won't meet again.
maybe we'll write more books,
or maybe this is our chapters end.

these months have been good,
you became my closest friend.
but now my heart is broken,
and i'm not sure that it will mend.

i don't want you to go,
sure we can call and we can text.
but its not the same,
cause who knows when ill see you next.

I walk under fluffy white clouds,
and I tread through glowing green grass,
I can feel the breeze on my skin,

for a second I'm still in first grade,
for a second nothing bad has happened,
for a second I can feel my surroundings,
for a second its comforting,

glowing evergreen and warm,
the sun soothes my skin,
bathing me in honey like gold,

it's a feeling I will cherish,
the warm embrace of a mother I never got to have,
the confident reassurance that I am worthy of good things

I am worthy of feeling warm sun,
of glowing green grass,
and seeing bright fluffy white clouds in the sky,

for a second my mind clears,
the birds sing and the crickets chirp,
I hear the soft crunch of leaves under my shoes and I smile

for just a moment I'm in first grade,
for just a second,

nothing bad has happened

when i was younger,
i wanted to be beautiful.
i wanted to be in pageants,
and win all the awards.

but now that im older,
all i want is to be smart,
to stun people with my intelligence,
and to steal hearts with my words.

i want to be noticed,
i want my voice to be heard,
and i want to change the world.

i want to travel,
i want to help the kids who really need it.
i want to have people stop and listen when i speak,
i want to make a difference.

i want to prove im not just a pretty face.
i want people to know,
im more than just my looks.

your words ring in my ear,
the sound of your voice lingering,
waiting to cut me open at my most vulnerable.

your words are like silk,
soft and smooth,
but a bold statement.

they surround me,
wrapping and weaving themselves into my skin,
and suffocating me.

I can still hear your voice,
the accent and the commanding tones,
even though you were the gentlest guy I knew.

my ears bleed,
the ringing of your voice,
its driving me mad.

i wish i could control myself.
i wish i didn't get attached.
i wish i had never met you.

we were bestfriends instantly,
it took me just seconds to choose you,
and only a minute to realize,
i’d do anything to never lose you.

from our first conversation,
right up to our very last,
i loved you every second,
but our love is in the past.

i’ll never forget your secrets,
or how we’d lay together to rest,
i won’t forget your hugs,
or how we’d share our every waking breath.

its very tragic how you left me,
you promised you’d never leave,
but now you live so freely,
and i cant remember how to breathe.

i forgive you for breaking my trust,
for breaking my heart and my soul too,
i guess now its time to move on,
but oh babe, how i miss you.

I wish I could escape,
this awful life of mine,
shape a different fate,
in another time.

what's the point of god,
sitting upon his mighty spot?
if when he looks down,
he turns my pain up a notch.

so now I sit in silence,
upon this high up rock,
I wonder if I jumped,
would anyone be shocked?

I'm often pushed to the side,
i feel like I'm insane,
so when I take my leap,
the world should hang its head in shame.

If i let you look around,
Let you take a peek inside.
Let you break down my walls,
And take a walk through my mind.

Would you hold it all against me,
Would you blame me for it all?
For every cry and every scream,
For the bloodstains on the walls?

Or would you look away,
Just pretend you didnt see?
Try to forget the terrible sights,
To forget what i might be?

i know im not the best,
and I know my souls not clean.
but maybe if you stayed,
you could help set my mind free.

the first time i wanted to kiss a girl i was only 13,
she was kind and happy and free,
she snuck into my dreams,
she bathed my thought with warm sunshine, dripping in honey like gold,
she was sweet and i always looked at her for too long,
she felt unreal, like i made her up
she wasn't necessarily gentle but she always somehow felt like glass,
like if i wasnt gentle she would shatter and id realize,

she was just in my head