***???***???
It sounds meaningless to you
But to me it consist of all my emotions
now..

I wish i was a fly in the wall
So that they wont bother to scrutinize every move i make
I wish i was a fly in the wall
Least people wont see me if i stumble and fall..
i wish i was a fly in the wall
least they would not know my smiles are fake
i wish i was a fly in the wall
For them not to discover theres a hole in my soul..
I wish i was just a fly in the wall
So that they wont be able to judge me which i really **** hate!
I wish i was just a fly in the wall
For them not to laugh at me when my heart starts to break..
I wish i was just a fly in the wall
least they wont notice when madness in me starts to call
I wish i was just a ******* fly in the wall
Because i wish those imbecile would give me a break!

And my heads starts spinning like a cannonball all ready to strike
I just wish they would stop bothering me and start to get a life!
And my heart starts blazing like a wildfire so abrupt
Shhhhh Shut your mouth up! please do not interrupt!
And my soul my lovely soul is starting to create a chaos inside me..
Thinking..
Pondering..
Ceasing the moment
Chasing the stars
Wondering..
How to end this ****** war
In the end i'll celebrate my glory
They are like a maggots now in my freaking memory..


                                                      ­                     +++>FreakyAngel
                                                  ­                          7/23/2015

This is what my life has vowed for
This is what i have cherished more..
Like thee fragility a petal rose
Cannot compare thee value most!

This is what my love and sacrifice had sought
Pure tender love and sacrifice it brought..
Its endless pain and suffering i felt
With only her careless smile, All it melts..

I had walk through the fire of sickening hell
But her cry was not a thunder thus a gentle bell
It rings through my heart and through my soul
A teardrop of joy is beyond of it all!

This is my joy, This is my angel!
Though pain it brought me first but still so gentle
I love thee so great as the wind fights fire
This is my masterpiece.. my burning desire!

life's greatest pleasure it sure is
full of madness and mysteries!
desires,lust,longing for that special one
sharing bed with him till the rise of the sun
always thinking of him
dreaming
hoping
wishing
someday it will become real
what a feeling i have right now
i regret i had taken a vow
for a man who gave me a ring
because he no longer what my heart sing..

Over existence of such a woman
With her faith had grown more not gone
Inside there's a life of overjoyed power
The power that will cry out loud up in a tower..

Fed by the world's grievance and despair
Trying to hook up with its little winged pair
How was life became such unfair?
Like a treetops falling right at the tip of her hair

She was once too in a womb before
Then she taste life's bitter fruits and more
Then she commit herself to a paradise in which they've made
A childhood reborn is the price she have to pay..

In the darkness of her inner desire
She created inside her womb a hundred folds fire
Never minding what are the rules and what are the taboos
She whisper her a song in her moments of blues..

There's a fragile crystal on her inner side
Building a melody so soft like a mellow tide
Against others will she remain so strong
Hiding her sadness in a blissfulness of her song

Then she lighten up a heart of stone by such a flickering fire
An anguish had lost and the madness of desire
And they follow her footsteps in a mystery of myth
That once a child is born it will wash her feet..

A lips that touch like an angel
Speaks so heavenly towards me
If a thousand of shooting stars would fall
I would then write all of it in my poetry

Hail the angel of mercy
It fly by my shoulder and set me free!
It was never my intention to fall in love in a passionate way
But he makes me feel so special what else can i say?

I am human yes i am!
i am stronger than i had never been..this is what i am..
My life once been in a constant misery
I had never felt contentment never been so happy..

If its wrong then you can cut the life in me
If its a sin then who are you to judge me?
I only did what i think for me is best
I only did what makes me happy atleast..

Been in my cave for a long time
My best of friend is this ****** bottle of wine
All i want now is to be free
To live my life not on lies but all in all honesty!

Loyalty, that is the word
I once made it my principle and now it seems absurd!
To be in love means you have to suffer?
But what if, if it makes you feel better?

I am human yes i am!
I am not afraid to love and get hurt
For EVEN love broughts you a thousand needles
I will take that needles
I rather be strong walking forward than be a wussy and being idle..

Point your finger at me, judge me!
what wrong have i done besides choosing to be merry?
Rather than be the slave of my own misery
Its my ****** life just set me free!

I rather choose to be the master of my own self
Than to be a stranger now of what i felt
yes i am human i am!
Now accept the truth and let bygones be bygone..

Whats in me that you are trying to hide?
I really dont want to fall for you as much as i have tried
I cannot understand the way you act
Would you just give me a clue..give me a fact?

We have shared those laughter and pain together
And those private moments we share i really treasure
I know you as you know me now even better
But there's still a secret in you that makes me wonder..

There is always been a mystery in every words you utter
I dont know why it makes me feel much better
When will you have guts to set it free
Don't wait for me to open your door that is full of secrecy

I used to share my thoughts each time i look in those mysterious eyes..
Why can you see how inside of me dies?
Will i wait for the sunrise to come?
Or i will wait for forever but please don't make forever be gone..

Try to open the light of wisdom in my heart
Say that you will never leave me and we'll never be apart
Plant the joy of what love brought to my senses
Say the words that i used to say as i reminisce..

Hope you come here to save all my tears
Hope you will comfort me when i have all my fears
But those words were like a butterfly in the stream
It will only happen only in my dream..

You are so called seraphim
You breaks my heart with your every hymn
As the moon light curse my tears to shed
the spell unfolds like an rising dead

The arrow struck my heart in two
Silence reminds me of my dreadful woe
Dreaming of you i am lost in space
My cemetery is filled with dark haze

For you poetry is already dead
Just like the fire of your shadow in my head
Losing you i am in the edge of hell
You have my heart and my soul to sell

Mercy me! for my life is in vain
Set my heart free from your lovers chain
I will bitterly celebrate for the sun to come
When the time come that your love has already gone..

I miss you
Like a thunder in the night
I miss you
those moments when you hugs me tight

I miss you
Like the desert missed the rain
I miss you
and its driving me insane

I miss you
like the bees miss the flower
i miss you
like a summer needs a rainshower

I miss you
like i never did before
i miss you
and it hurts even more

i miss you
and its like a needle in my heart
i miss you
and its tearin me apart..

look into thine eyes..
can you see that burning fire of desire..
it can only be felt
only if i am with you
only with you..

In the midday of the solemn hour
I halfly drunk my life so sour
Spent myself in a cabin of madness
In an hourglass..
Which sadness dwells in my whole soul
Where it takes me to the hypocrite paradise
As a whole i drown myself in a liquid of my youth
Where the trees are bare to its growth
Everytime it happens it cuts my life of root
Vanish every moment where my life has sought
Vanish all the battles that i have fought..

It takes all the part in me
A precious stone made of my only heart
Turned into an iron with a ceaseless fire
Creating a storm inside of me
Burning all my history
Unfolding all the devious angle in me
Such as a grass that is worthless to the society
Making me helpless like a worm wiggling in a sandstorm
Turning into a golden winged butterfly
Which then turned out to be a worthless trash fly
Thats how worthless i could be
As i drunk this bottle of agony..

In the middle of the night where i lie deeply awake
Dreaming about how my nightmares turned into my faith
How could it be?
I ask only me
I blame only me
I grieve only me
I once change this crazy path which i have been thru
Thinking that all of those leaves of misery were untrue
But was  it just deceiving my imagination?
Am i in my hallucination?
In my stupid illusion?
My own self betrayed a faith in me
Tell me, How can i trust anybody?

I ask the angel of misery what hath he done unto thee?
why am i suffering from such agony?
He answered me maybe i have lost the fortune of leaves within me
Maybe i have lost it as i drunk my hour left
Try to escape a lie which makes me defeated
I swear to you i did not deceive my sleep
Did not spill all the secrets i used to keep
I alone could only forbid myself in a bottle of madness
A bottle of grief and sadness which betrayed me
which used to be my friend but now turned unto my enemy!

The enemy that deceives me
An enemy that betrayed me
Build a hole in my soul and lost my sanity
I might have been sober that time
Might had not touched that ****** bottle of wine!
Might not commit such a stupid act
Might had realize the difference between a lie and a fact
But i am not!
There's a lot of doom which made me unlocked
The doors of forbidden curse!
Which made my living burst
Into like a firecracker in the sky
but only..
It brings my hundred smile to die..

The sun rises up and the sun sets down
But here i am wearing my heart with a frown
This christmas breeze frost the air
Like it frosted my heart having love thats so unfair

I walk in the aisles of madness and woe
asking myself do you think of me too?
I used to belong to this wildfire of yours
But i am just a human and i can no longer take the curse

My life would'nt be the same without you to break the ice
Moments of fire already gone in my eyes
But i still believe letting go of you is the right thing i should do
Having you still means i selfishly loves you

Thats why i have to wear a mask and keeps on pretending
dreaming im flying while my heart is already flooding
Flooding with grief and sorrow
Worrying myself what will happen tomorrow..

I used to confide to you all my heartaches and pain
But now i know i cannot do it again
Now i confessed my sorrow in the corner of the leaves of the trees
Letting it fly as the wind breeze

I am all alone now and still walking in the same path that i've been thru
Keeping all my heartaches and my moments of blue
letting myself to soar high along the shore
Keeping my secrets in the sand where my life has bore

My secrets that has been carried away by the wave
Where it made my love for you everlastingly unsaved
I know i have to stop this emotion in which i felt for you
like a fire in my heart where the wind has blew

Oh if i could only see you now!
In front of you i will make a vow
Vow to fight for my love for you even i know that is unfair
But here i am sitting wounded in a stair..

Creating a melody of my own
Building hatred for what my life had shown
But i know until the clock strikes at its last nine
I know inside of me i just cannot make you mine!

Finally come to my senses
Realize i still want you so bad
I had died in your arms
But came back to life when you came back
The moon is shining brightly again
Contemplating..
Dreaming in vain..
Wishing there were a thousand shooting star to fall..
Craving for your touch..
Smelling your scent with eyes wide open
Dreaming..
Your smile brings out the spark in my eyes
Your smell is my addiction..
You are the lyrics of my song
You are the words in my poetry..
You releases a positivity inside of me
Your laughter is my medicine..
Your presence are my joy
So real and so pure..
Your wit is what mostly i adore
I could not wish for anything more..

Sometimes we needed fantasy
To keep us going tru life's harsh reality
We needed to dream big dreams
To keep us awake
We needed affection to make us stronger
Keeping us real not fake..

I love you but you love her
she loves vain..
Love's what you gave her
while i gathered pain..

I love you but you dont love me
Now im blaming myself for being lonely
Is that what love is all about?
pure of nothing but doubts?

Summer begins but i love you still
promise myself to love you until..
A man wakes me up from my dreams
Showed me that love is not bad as it seems

He loves me but i dont
I will love you endlessly but to him i wont
How could i be such a dumb?
From the pain you've caused me im already numb

Then you continue loving her
Not minding my presence here
If only walls could speak
Then he will tell me whom i should pick

I continue myself for being blind
All saints day have been forgotten in my mind
Because everyday i'm already suffering from grief
Not minding anyone as time drifts..

He gave me a rose while u gave me a torn
He gave me light while you watch me burn
Why are you so blinded with my emotion?
Why cant you take Mr. truth's revelation?

December begins to froze the air
While me here sitting wounded in a stair
I gave you heaven while she gave you hell!
She gave you thunderstorm while i gave you bell

Here i am with this comfort and care
While you treat me like a crap and so unfair
You once told me you care for me but now you dont
Why you keep on telling me to forget you when you know **** well i wont?

Again i'm trapped in a love chain
Where it brought me a hundred folds pain
I love you but you love her
He loves me but why am i crying here?

I just wished to start a year with you
But you wished to spent it with her too
I gave you my love but you take it away
Now i will give it to a man who will love me every single day..

We dont need to argue
like what we heard on a radio
because you soak my soul
in a liquid of burned foil
i lost my soul
that has a lot of hole
i lost my sanity
its better to be a worn
than to be me
love cant make me torn
i am a loser
i am bitter
because i have suffer
from a lot of destruction
what life could do more from this humiliation?
as a sun drifts like time
why i just cannot make you mine?
i will build my own grave
because i am a loser
so go on and **** me
you dont have to suffer..
its not worth it because i am a loser..

I cut myself & i will cut it over and over again                                                            ­    
until i cant feel anymore pain                                                             ­                     
i can still smell your breathe u ******* dumb                                                            
­brings back nightmares i wanna get numb

i am in so much rage i cant breath
you are a ******* parasite even in my sleep!!
i abhor you, i loathed you so bad
never i had felt so ******* mad!

you used to be my hero used to be my ******* friend
but turn into a monster a ******* dangerous fiend hate the ******* life in you i wish you were dead
get off my ******* mind get off my ******* head!!

Why such a twain will unite as one?
When the words that describe haven't yet to come
Why does a bird will flap its wings?
When it cannot grow neither feather nor string?

A twain is a pair both had chosen
What love can i give when in fact i was forsaken?
Birds only fly with wings on
Stars only shine on the absence of the moon..                                        

Hence i was confounded by such fickle mind
Heed from my eyes to teach me not to be blind
A love that is unspoken is like a page without a word..
How can you bind each heart without a cord?