In the dark, I see you.

I see your room, dim and weird. Unusual artifacts from an unusual archeologist, digging through the sediment of life, littering shelves.

I see your face, framed by loose hairs from a lazy bun, all over a poorly fitting hoodie.

I see your hands, more aged than I remember, with your various rings, punctuating the oddities of your personality, acquired over a life strangely lived.

I see your tattoos, a reflection of choices and things believed at one point or another. People who influenced, and ideas that crept into prominence. I don't like tattoos, but they are like stained glass windows, and I can see their beauty, as you shine through them.

I see your car, on a mountain road. I can hear you loudly proclaim, expressions of grief, and through them, expressions of relief. A venting process, an opportunity to raise your voice and yell! To shake a stick at God, not knowing if he sees you, but knowing that I do.

I can see the three days we spent together lined up in a row, like photographs in a reel. A moment at the University, holding my hand, and my ever so subtle embarrassment at the notion. A prolonged eye contact over coffee that's not that great, but servicable as a context for deep conversation. A long phone call, after a short text, after a long time, from a short lived love.

I can see your eyes, looking back at me, wondering what I see in you. In their reflection, I think the same. I can see the shape, and the eye-shadow, applied meticulously or perhaps lazily, I'm not sure.

I can smell the lotion you use, I guess it's the same you've always used. It takes me back to hiking short hikes in non hiking county, sitting over an ugly creek on an old rusted pipe. Yet in those moments the world could not have been any more beautiful.

I can feel your hair in my hands, a soothing motion, attempting to smooth the notion, the conversation, that was ugly and disgraceful, but necessary.

I know in my heart , what you mean to me. I know that I love you, and feel no shame at saying as much.

Around you, I am free. My soul bared, I melt on to you, and carbonize, like sugar burning in a pan. How stuck I have become.

"Let a pan sit in warm water with some dish soap, before using the rough side of a sponge to remove stubborn food and stains."

Some cleaning advice from me to you.

In the dark, I see you. You glitter like the stars. In the distance, you dance in perfect harmony.

But like every astronomer, I too must accept, no matter how much I love the stars, I cannot go to them.

I watch, through my telescope of memory, where only in the dark, can I see you

I was a fish, before a man
The ocean was my home
I walk, where once I swam
At the edge of the sea foam

I walk next to the shoreline
Next to bending, bowing
Blue daisies in a jagged line
Sea winds overhead howling

I was a fish, before all this
In seaweed hidden caves
Unaware of the ocean mists
And the beauty of the days

I was stolen by a kind hand
From spinning dark and salt
To dry out, reeling on the sand
As my world came to a halt

Still, here I walk, on this beach
With visions of the seafloor
This world, is out of my reach
As is the sunlight that I adore

Soon, I'll be a fish again
Waiting silent in the shade
Yet, I will continue until then
To walk as man, as I was made

The wind rushes by
With an unseen push
Of an untouched sound
In the dark December sky

The trees speak to me
In the cold raking air
Branches outstretched
Like fingers through hair

Yet I do not understand
What it is they try to say
But I find littered leaves
Evidence, found in day

The wind yet pushes by
A pressure on the soul
To whisper long lost secrets
Trapped in a currents pull

Fog settles slow
On cold mornings

The suns gentle glow
Gives no forewarning

The day shines
Meeting the dew

Rays among pines
Start again anew

The crest of the wave
Moves silent in the night

Beneath a moon that knows
Each year that comes and goes

Takes us farther from the light

The saline mist of a churning sea
Leaves tears that fall in long runs

Scarring the rocks temporarily
As water dries beneath the sun

To start again in the new day

Once more be washed away

Life is a dream
Framed by darkness

There is no way I wish to be
But like bird, leaf, or tree

The root digs without an aim
I want to be empty all the same

In this night that never ends
To be the branch that bends
In gentle northern winds

Beneath an ever still moon
I fall in ever greater ruin

I want to be empty
And aimless

Oh but to make life
Frameless

In the winter winds
the sun ascends

and then descends
as the day then ends

The sum of which
is not so clear

as winter winds blow
as will continue to go

The passing of days

In a field
a flower bends
Where winter starts
And summer ends
In the push
Of northern winds

The winter comes
Blue bird branch
Singing clear

The air is colder
But very clear
The song carries

The earth is frozen
Blue bird branches
Brittle but there

Snow falls now
The woods so bright
Like tiny diamonds

Oh but yet to hear
The oh so near
Blue bird ballad

In the coming spring

The beat of moth wings
The current of the wind

What the nighttime brings
What gentle songs it sings

The slow sway of the trees
The ground covered in leaves

What an orchestra to hear
As the morning draws near

Each day as I write
For you and myself

I feel my heart beat
The current of the words

I feel the sway of my soul
Words fall down the page

What the nighttime brings
What gentle songs I sing

But only, for you.

In the dew
In the grass

With the morning chill

With the bugs
With the birds

Sitting on a hill

You I saw
yes only you

Calling out my name

And I know
as you know

Love is anything but tame

When I come home at night
I see the things, the thoughts
that were hidden in the light

In the dark, when they emerge
I feel the pain, the emptiness
I am never able to beat the urge

The urge to put on my shoes
I wish dearly, that I could run
To forget these ugly truths

The moon falls
Yielding to day

Dancing forever
No words to say

Yes, they're bound
By something unseen

A deep love
A dream

The pull of oceans
The gift of light

From midnight to noon
The sun and the moon

Waltz on a stage
Of infinite blue

When I close my eyes
My eyes do still see

The blues of the skies
The leaves of the tree

When I begin to write
Open'd gate to my soul

The birds emerge in flight
And disappear from sight

There is someone
Yes, I am tempted
To let my heart
Run from home

But

I belong here
She belongs there

Really

It's not as though
We belong anywhere

Nevertheless

Why do we write
When pain comes
And we feel the bite
Of lost life and loves

Our words are cast
To an infinite ocean
On islands as outcasts
A melancholy motion

I feel my soul bend
Warping under weight
Monsters must I fend
As I buckle under hate

The waves crash and recede
In a language I do not speak

The mists drift in from sea
and whisper gently unto me

In this midnight air
I feel the silent pull

of something far away

as currents twist and turn
the sea side flowers bend

a dance, a waltz, a love
a romance with the wind

It keeps me awake
then
It keeps me asleep

It seeps like well water
as
Virginia vines may creep

It is who I am
yet
Not at all

I am defined by it
though
I am in control

A fan of the farewell
The final fall of a leaf
The final fall of a life

the final leaf of fall

A fan of the goodbye
In a relationship gold
In a relationship old

God be with you, friend

A fan of the salutation
That leads away from me
That leads away from we

Para tu salud, amor.

I am within a wave
That never sleeps
On long lost beaches
In old inlets keeps

The ocean consumes
As it sees fit
And I'll go with
When it's call resumes

And I will always follow
Its eb and flow
Its gentle embrace
As I wander place to place

This love, that I do not deserve
This love, I have done nothing for
And still, do nothing to preserve
It shakes me down to my core

The things you do, with such patience
And I cannot help but to be so vile
And all of this weighs on my conscience
Upon guilts are guilts thrown to pile

A battle between what I know is right
and the darkness that clings to me
And whispers into my ears all night
And i can never hope to be free

I just want to say sorry
Because I am so unfortunate
Pathetic

In such great silence
Do i continue
And yet i do not appreciate noise

No i am not one for such
Self pity
Though sometimes a great hole
In my heart grows too deep
And i must then be honest

To random street strangers
Who like me, are screaming
Oh god won't someone help me
In their poems and still
We continue in silence
A poem makes no sound
It
Attracts no attention

The only ones who hear are the ones who are already here

Reading in silence alone
Feeling vindicated
They are somehow not alone
In an action
Of being alone

What a great irony
A shrine to such
Self indulgence and pity
Maybe you have tons of friends

Yet still you are feeling alone
And you don't know why
And you feel guilty
Unworthy
Alone even more

Its written in the ***** laundry
On the floor
Its in the dreams that are.
More interesting than
Having dreams

Wondering why wake up
The things i fill my life with
Are invariably
Less interesting
Than the nonsense
In my head
In bed

I speak three languages
I learned because i
Thought
It would reveal
a new world

But instead i filled my head
With three voices saying
I am alone
I am unknown
And
The bridges i thought
Id be able to build
Well let's say
I forgot my tools
on the other side of the river

What self indulgence
You say
I say
And yes

But also such feelings
Come spilling out
This stupid rat mind of mine
And in everyones rat minds
You wonder the same things

I am a field of grain
Golden to the dirt
I bend as winds wane
Without joy, and hurt

I am the water of a pond
Deep as the earth permits
Where fish may abscond
When rain droplets hit

I am a tree, ancient now
With roots wound deep
I tap the waters all around
Where only silence keeps

I have found the great forest
With all of it's mysteries
The waters at their purest
The animals without identities

I have found the great streams
And the great valleys the same
A world totally without seams
A world without even a name

I have found that great place
And found my place among
In clearer waters I see my face
In settled winds, I hear it's song

I gently rock on the waves of the ocean
I am held above the ever seething dark
Though it makes me want to sink away
It makes me want to run once a day

I want to wake in the morning new and alive
But deep inside, I am dragged back down
The ragged indifference and repeating dive
To the darkness where I cannot be found

I found a wasp inside my room
Fed it sugar water, let it roam
I cannot know if it deserved to die
And I'm sure that it too has a home.

Somewhere, someone is looking for me
Just as hard as I am looking for them
But we'll pass each other on the street
And never see each other again

In between here and there
As I've  been, as I've  cared
I found the deep blue sea
And found a reason to be

For on the crest of the deepest
I learned the angler fish secrets
And spoke softly from then on
All this after you were gone

My bones ache, for reasons I cannot name
In the dawn of a cold and moonless night
I would like to say I left, yet still I remain
Under a sky without it's lonely  light

I sit at the bottom of the ocean
Waiting for my friends to come
But they like birds, fly, don't sink
What is all of this?  I think

I sit at the bottom of the ocean
On the cliff of the deepest trench
What a dreadful, likely notion
The edge yet remains my bench

The trees sway gently now
Felling the petals of spring
Falling winds and lighter skies
Beneath the birds wing

The seeds find roots
Something begins to simmer
And just like that
Its once again the winter

One day, said the moon
I will touch the earth
I wish to be there soon
I wish to know it's worth

But that day never came
As she drifts slowly away
But in the surface of our ponds
She's left an image of her face

In the dark and swooning night

Stones settle on the riverbed
The water rushes on for now, but
Someday where the river is fed
Will dry, and the river will bow

To her, o' earth so dear

And the stones will still remain
Unmoved, but not quite the same
A little worn away, some but a sliver
Having lived with the mighty river

There is a silence within a garden
A patience in those growing things
A gentle waiting, a caring pardon
For the pain we tend to bring

No words are spoken by the plants
As they unfurl from the earth
They do not need to, nor understand
The reason for their birth

A garden knows what has come to pass
What we have done, for what we yearn
It grows slow, but has one thing of us to ask
Some water, and a little patience in return

I walked a path I knew
Lead to the old oak tree
Where the wind blew
On bark carved you and me

I walked a path I knew
Where our love was bound
Where the oak tree grew
And burned it to the ground

I have become so still
Like the water of a pond
And will stay this way until
Come the rains, oh so fond

I have become so silent
Like the grass of a plain
This way to remain, until
The winds come again

I have become so patient
In waiting for noise, I know
Sound; as it came and went
It will come and go

I sunk to the bottom of the ocean once. Though it wasn't really all that grand. Everything that I saw was either shrouded in darkness, or a silty haze. The water was cold and the currents were violent. They ****** me too and fro.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like it there at the bottom of the ocean, it's calm and it's dark and it soothes the fires of a soul like mine. The passage there however is the part that hurts so much, for before you may sink into the silky silt of the ocean floor and become neighbors with the *****, you must descend through the turbulence and the dangerous anglerous fish that inhabit the places betwixt.

I suppose the hardest part about the journey is saying goodbye to the sunshine that you grew to love, after having spent time, from the ocean floor.

Someone drags you up and you see the sun and you start to laugh more, and you start to love more and everything starts to feel warm and beautiful again. You look at that someone that brought you up and wrought you into shape and  you see such beauty. They shine like the sun, no, they are even better.

But sometimes,

They abandon us.

That is not to say we are doomed to sink back down, they do not hold us here, as we do not hold them. We are free to remain on the surface with the sunlight.

Most of us choose to jump back in, though.

Let the ocean swallow us whole once again.

Some swim back to the surface, determined to, perhaps, be more than a friendly newspaper conversation with a crustacean.

However, many just live there, unwilling, unable, to go anywhere else.

I sunk, to the bottom of the ocean once. Or twice, and a few times after that. Always finding a reason to swim back, sometimes I am dragged back. No matter which way though and honestly, how matters not, I always end up back on that beach.

Waiting, watching the ocean. Wondering, pondering the possibilities and if I should wade back out and sink down once again.

The ocean surely is a frightful thing.

Just be honest, my love
I know why it is like this
The dull shine in your eye
The ash I taste in your kiss

I know who you are, love
Why we must be this way
Why the river flows so cold
Why the clouds cover the day

I found it in your heart, dear
The darkness that I now see
My heart is rotten, love
You are right, to run from me