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There is no point in living this life unless you find someone or something to love. A person who you would want to spend the rest of your life with or an occupation that you are passionate about.

Ironically, the famous song of Bon Jovi is also true --- too much love will **** you. But maybe, this should be seen from a love recipient's perspective.

We all want to feel loved. Especially when everything else hates you --- like Math, music, or your very own biological family who you live with under one small **** roof --- finding love is really just a lucky event. However, it will soon overwhelm you.

You would think that you do not deserve the joy and happiness that you feel when you are with this person. Soon, you will think that he is too good for you. You might also think, "Why would he even want to spend more time with me when I am such a mentally unstable, emotionally broken, and pitifully toxic *****?"

Be careful what you wish for. One might not be ready to receive the love that is being given to us. It feels as if it's ******* life and love from this dearest person and you have nothing to give. This person is so full of love and you are full of filth (well, at least you are not nothing). And it feels you with guilt that you can never make the person feel the same. Soon, you would think that he would walk away --- the best person with the kindest heart, the best love of your life, the ******* best --- because you have ****** and licked clean his jar of love and you gave nothing in return. Funny thing is that you don't even ask for him to love you. He just does. And that becomes more painful than ever.

Having that thought in mind makes you just want to leave to prevent the heartache and the burn out which the love of your life will suffer from. But you do not have the strength to break up with him because that kind of blow would be too hard that you would painfully hurt him. It seems as if having him burned out is the better way to "break up" with him because at least you think that it would be his decision to leave. It gives you this sick comfort that he left and you have confirmed your filthy self-concept. You have confirmed how undeserving you are and proved that you are the worst person to be with him.

But, he still stays. He still stays despite all your filth being thrown at his clean self. You have shown most of your darkest thoughts and he still chooses to stay. And it hurts you more because it would now be too hard to break up with him and hurt him because now you care more and this person has become the person who is preventing you to quit life. He is a hindrance between your wrist and that small, sharp blade that will surely deliver what you think you deserve. You clearly still do not have the strength to let him go that quickly (sick selfish wimp).

Now, you are stuck with a dilemma and all you can do is cry your eyes out. It's the only cathartic way that will allow you live another day for him until the day he gives up. It seems chaotic now. Everything else is falling apart this one man stands in the midst --- all clean and smiling --- offering you a nicer future. You are not sure whether to take the hand or the blade.

But, tonight, you take the hand yet you keep the blade in your pocket. Now, you carry it around while you walk with him hand in hand. And now, you just made your situation almost impossible to solve.
Before one asks if she could give love,
One should first ask if she could accept love.
I'm not guilt-tripping you
I'm just telling you the truth of what I think
That it will be better for you
If I think I should leave.

I can't find love, I'm terrible at that
It brings me to places where the way out
Is narrow that I have to cut a piece of me
To get through, scathed but free (I think).

But when love finds me
I panic.
Some kind of beauty I just can't take in.
Some kind of gift I don't deserve to receive.

Love can give in all its capacity
But when I can't reach that level of reciprocity
I'm afraid I might hurt love
And love would leave, scathed but free.

It'd be better for love to leave soon
Before I give love reason
To hurt, to be numb,
To cut a piece of itself to get through.
***
The most awkward five minutes of my life.
Oo, tigang ako.
Tigang sa katawan ng tao.

Sa haplos ng malalambing na wika na ilang beses hinaplos ang mga taingang sanay lamang sa palo.

Sa halik ng atensyon na kay tamis lalo na sa mga oras ng lungkot.

Sa pagpasok ng ideya na pag-ibig na pilit pinupunit ang dingding na noon pa butas-butas ngunit unti-unting bumubuka.

Tigang ako sa palabas at pagpasok,
labas at pasok ng anumang klaseng pagpapaibig.

Basta't masarap, matamis, at maaaring ulit-ulitin,
aking ibubuka ang sariling tigang sa pag-ibig.
I tried but what for?

I really did try
to strengthen the defense
to weaken the weakness

I really did try
to toughen my fences
even lit up the hedges

I really did try
to thicken the lines
make it better defined

But all that
for building my defense
All gone for a split second.

For I have built that facade
Little did I know
you'll emerge from inside

And so it crumbles from within
Walls fall like a messy
soft cake; failed

And now, from the very core you begin
I can do nothing
but let it be.
Big bright eyes and candied lies
Her cupid’s bow gives way to juvenile ebb and flow
A cherubic face in a vulnerable place
This sweet boy could be her fall from grace

Upon her delicate fingertips
He placed his soft rose red lips
A sign of unrefined affection
Her body is the perfect confection

A lifetime full of innocence
Consequently makes her naivety immense
Truly, her mind and body sheltered
Her emotions are extremely weltered

Accompanied with beautiful blue-green eyes,
Sticky-sweet are his sugary lies
Tempting were his words—just like cotton candy
He craves to indulge in her nubile vanity

Dark chocolate eyes and velvety-smooth almond skin
She dares not act on carnal sin
With the creamy vanilla flesh of a boy
Whom she knows will eat her beating heart with joy

Intensely artificial was the flavor
Of foul black licorice when his heart did waver
Faintly, she saw through the deception
His sweet sugar-coated “love” was just an *******
Don't be stupid.
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