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 Mar 2015 Eve
Shiennina Marae
XXIX
 Mar 2015 Eve
Shiennina Marae
This is not about you anymore
Not about your heavens, paradise and hell
This is not about your late night thoughts stuck at the back of my ear where you left them
This is not about your cravings, no
Not about the things you crave when it's 3 in the morning
This is not about your eyes getting caught stealing glances my way
This is not about the way your lips curl when you say my last name
This is not about how you carved promises of hope on my skin,
leaving me exposed for the rest to devour
This is not about holding me too tight I felt you slipping away
This is not about you leaving me alone and crushed to my bones

This is about my paradise, my better place
This is about my thoughts too clouded I cannot even see them,
let alone decipher
This is about my confusion, my dusty corners
and shadows at 3 in the morning
This is about how I gave myself time to heal
from all the words you left me with
This is about the baby steps, each one I took led me far from you
This is about being okay with that
This is about me

(Realizing now that this was never about you
Accepting that this was always just about me)
Last lines by Justin Esguerra

9:48 PM, March 5, 2015
 Mar 2015 Eve
ryn
.
     Seems much smaller than I had imagined.
     It only stretches as far as my eyes could
     see.
     It reeks of the past, with no hints of the
     future.
     The present is here, the present is me.

My world tonight...
     Sees me nestled,
     watching silent but with mind
     dishevelled...
     Unnoticed on this kerb...
     Unnamed and unlabelled.

My world tonight...
     Is filled with familiar strangers,
     ushering their lives along.
     I know their faces but not their names.
     I'd call this home but I don't belong.

My world tonight...
     Is spinning regardless...
     It stays on track.
     Never waits for me.
     Never looks back.

My world tonight...
     Has no intention to soothe my thoughts.
     It is baring its bite...
     It's leaving me far behind...
     But I'll catch up at the break of light.



                                        *As I always do...
 Mar 2015 Eve
stéphane noir
oh dear one
lost across the sea
so unknown to me,
how fair thy little mind
thinketh and playeth thy harp!

no man shall raise a hand to thee!
least ye scorn him,
banishing him
and his brazen knuckles
to the brazen edge of
the whole brazen universe.
shy be he not!
lameth shall he be forever.

but two shovels should be found
and used for to dig unto the ground,
a new grave: doubly wide and doubly deep
for two of the fairest of them all:
the maidens lost to the wilderness,
left to her own devices and thus
self-deprecating her selves
into planetary alignment
with that new planet they just found
that's like 1,000 times bigger than Saturn
and with millions of icy rings.
forever cold shall she be!
forever unknown to me!

bear witness to thy handiwork:
my shoulders, lips, and toenails are all mine;
for a moment they were thine
and in breaking my peace
i thus aireth my whine.
and i'm fine. really, i'm fine.

taketh no liberties with me!
giveth no light,
shareth no warmth!
beseech me no inquiries!
for i have not an answer that makes sense,
nor a limb that works perfectly,
and not a day goes by
that i don't ponder you.

yet
the
moon
pondereth
the
sun
forever
and
ever
and
ever
bu­t
never
the
two
shall
meet.


wandereth, fair maiden,
and i shall wander, too.
but should you face about
my eyes will surely see you.
"a dog in the hunt doesn't stop to scratch its fleas."
 Mar 2015 Eve
stéphane noir
to my darling who feels she's not:
our separation is mere illusion.
truly, your pain strikes me as i write this;
your sensations of abandonment,
and the decisiveness they have caused,
bleed from my skin into the fibers of my clothes.
i am no longer clean.
i do not feel pure.

to my severed arm and shortened tendons:
destruction is merely another side of life.
out of disappearance comes all things-
without space, there would be nothing to contain us,
nothing to allow and enfold our beings' spirits,
and they would sputter and cease like my love's flame.
i am no longer yours.
i do not feel full.

to the farthest star that my eyes can see:
your light reaches me- i glimpse you!
in the perceived emptiness between us
there is no distance to be found;
around us exists the infinite potential for
further connection and deeper growth in closeness.
i am no longer alone.
i do not feel sorrow.
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