I was jailbreaking
almost out
until my uniform snagged
on the barbed wire of the fence
I hung there limply
until I could
be taken down
the officer
was hinting
I’d be going
to the hospital
when a trash truck
passed by
and I pointed to say
that’s what
should take me
away
the police officers
kept me
in the car
too long
in the heat
until I started yelling
you wouldn’t leave a dog
in a hot car
with the windows up
why treat me
like less
is it because I said
I was trash
or because you agree
my first ride in a cop car
felt like it wouldn’t be my last
the seats were slippery slopes
I was tumbling down
when I had found a way
to lounge back there
with handcuffs on
I told the officer
that guy’s looking at me
and laughing
the cop looked over
looked back and said
now that’s who you would
call a ****
his temple bubbled with
as many fluid ounces of sweat
as my eyes cried
for my first ride
in a cop car
for calling my mom
a ****
for digging my nails
into my arm
when she hit me
and made me remember
she used to hit me
but told me
to forget
I told a dozen people
I did not want to **** myself
until the words became chalk
on the black asphalt of my mind
my fingers were so *****
from coloring inside
the lines of the lies
while I sat on a hospital gurney
with a security guard
who told me
I couldn't be alone
in the hospital bathroom
when the police
brought me
in like this
I couldn’t wash
any of this away

Defensiveness the color of fear and the shape of loneliness is the poison that flows within the veins of Rejection and Inadequacy.

once I took that gamble there alone in the forest
crawling through leaves brown
was a long while ago
small in the nature of pine and seasons
smelled her tasted
all the berries and leaves
red as blood from my mother
green and wild
I envied
her evolved
and pure forms
limbs keen to
make her forests scream
her fruit
to sway
this day
a long while away
I still look up,
into the canopy of immense
sun peeking through green life
wild, free.

Find your own mantra
Say it once Say it twice
Bother not with its depth
Do not think, Say it thrice.
Abandon your logic
Bend your life to advice
What are you doing?
Common sense would be nice.
Walk up to the table
But will you roll the dice?
Can you not hear me?
I will only ask twice.

you **** me
with the way you
come and go
in and out
of my life
you could always stay
stay for some tea
or a stiff drink
and maybe we'll remember
why we started this whole thing

Someday soon we will be passing praise instead of judgment

© Matthew Harlovic

Land of the wicked
Land of the famed
Land of the people that done called my name
Land of the grateful
Land of the kind
Land of the murderers who **** for a living
Land of the brave
Land of the free
Land of the corrupted cops who **** for a living
Land of America
Land of the wicked