Wouldn’t it be nice
If my anxiety
Could just
Leave me
The ****
Alone.

No drinks, no pills
Just earbuds in LOUD
And... I’m happy
I’m enjoying it
I’m enjoying something again...
It’s... it’s been so long...
Tonight I feel like I might just be okay

I want to tell you
What’s in my head
This entire other world
The constant droning of voices
The screaming and thrashing within

But if I did
If I did...

You’d never look at me the same
I’d be broken to you
Damaged

I know that I am...
But I just...
I can’t let you see me like that

When I’m around you
I feel restricted
I’m tethered to your needs
I’m not myself when you’re around
Your happiness makes me sick
But promises you’ll be docile a bit longer

You have trained me
Groomed me
Into whatever little creature you wanted
I am exactly what you want
When you’re around
And that’s why
You will never know me
You don’t deserve to know your daughter
Not when you’ve done this to her
You’ve imprisoned her
Locked away everything that belonged to her
Pried open every innocent secret
Assuming malice
She never knew privacy
Except within her own head
So now, that’s where she lives
She’s trapped
And it’s your ******* fault

I’m in desperate need
Of someone who
Can see the scars on my wrist
And still want to hold my hand

I can’t keep living for my next escape

But people seem rather upset when I consider dying

I don’t want to be sober
I’d give anything to get out of my head

How is it
That just about anyone
Can get just about anything
Except me
I’d take anything
And I have nothing