I miss how we used to be,
So vibrant, so honest, so wild & free

I miss the way you would understand,
Listen carefully, & be there when I needed a hand

I miss our long, random talks at night,
Our private conversations, our silly little fights

I miss the way you could read my mind,
Know what to say, when words are hard to find

I miss the way you could brighten my day,
Make me forget the mistakes, make the pain go away

I miss how you made me laugh,
I hate how you make me cry

Loved how you said you'd always be there & so did I,
But to you, everything that I say is just a lie

She has a pretty smile,
That goes on for a while
Her teeth are really white,
Some might say what a sight
She is always quick to hug & kiss,
When she's away, I really miss
When I am hurt, she cares so much
She always has that special touch
She quit her job when I was a baby,
So she could play & watch me daily
Brownies, cookies, candy, & cakes,
My Nana really loves to bake
For her job, homes she cleans,
Her clients love her so much they scream!
There really is no test,
My Nana is the very best

You never turn the lights off
When we get ready for bed
You play the sounds of the rain
As loudly as you can
It helps you sleep,
So I shouldn’t complain
Cause at least now I don’t
Have to worry about what I say
You can smoke without me,
But if I do, it’s like I’m cheating
You can have a good time,
But would **** me for breathing
You make me feel little,
& you make me feel dumb
When I state my opinion,
It’s the wrong one
Everything I say is another battle
Of you being angry
& me just being sad
This poem has no ******* rhythm,
Cause I can’t see my screen
I’m too busy crying at
What you said to me
I’ve typed out a hundred
Different honest replies,
But backspace them all,
Too scared, I’d rather lie
I know I deserve better,
But you always play victim
I just want to be happy,
But I’ve lost all my freedom

I'm tired of dreaming,
I'm through with trying
Tired of living,
yet scared of dying
Maybe things are good for you,
but look at all that I've been through
Look at all the pain I've won,
I bet you think that it's been fun
You never thought I'd turn away,
you never believed you'd see this day
Look again, cause here I go,
leaving behind all that I know
Changing it all as I must do,
not daring to stop & think things through
Wanting to run as fast as I can,
not stopping until I understand
Like why did I let things get this way?
Why didn't I leave, like, yesterday?
How are things going to be,
when there is no more you & me?

The truth I hold, took years to unfold,
locked up & never told
Now I speak, for I am done being weak
about the man I said was a one night stand
'Cause I wrapped a cast around my damaged heart
& signed it, "I wasn't *****"

It's strange how a few short seconds
Can lead you in a whole new direction
It alters how you think & act,
& see your own reflection
From a single moment on,
My life was forever changed
Like everything I previously knew,
Had suddenly been rearranged
I can go to psychiatrists
& spill out all my thoughts,
They can prescribe me pills
& say that I've been taught

But I still think about that night,
When I couldn't find the light
In the bathroom so I peed in the dark
Cause I was too drunk to figure out a light switch
Little light shined through the cracked door
Cause of a pair of boxer shorts on the floor,
But I still heard the creaking of the door
As someone behind it pushed it forward

I pulled my jeans up & flushed my bladder,
My foggy eyes looked up, his mouth watered
I reached for the door, but his hands wandered
For my waistline until he pushed me against the washer
His other hand slid up my shirt
& I thought I had stopped breathing
I pushed my hands against his chest,
& his mouth crashed against mine too fast
My mouth started bleeding as I pulled
My lip from the metal braces of his lower teeth,
Tears stained my cheeks before his fun was over
His strong hand forced my head below his zipper,
As the other ripped the button free

I envy that button

I will always love you,
remember that
You can push me away,
but I'll always come back
You can deny your desire,
& say it can't be,
but I won't let the walls
come between you & me
You're afraid of your dark side,
the harm you could cause,
I have never feared your hands,
or their sharp pointy claws
I love them, I love you,
I love all that you are
Protest all you like,
but you will not get far
You can never change my mind,
my heart will stay true
I'll do everything I can
to get closer to you
I will wait for you forever,
so get used to that fact
I will always love you,
remember that...