Wind, weather, and gain
Closure, vision, pain
Blood, intrusion, rain

All of them

Collect to connect
for intersecting
that leads to dissecting
of those thought provoking situations
that wind up choking
their creations

And God! I can't stand it


    So let me expand
Let you understand

We have been gifted with elements
and our elemental understanding is that the basics are not good
not enough
not for us

Not when we have pried open vaults that are not our own -
to follow a nightmare
illusioned as a dream with wings

but we loosened the seams
and now we sing
of a broken thing; the noise
doesn't quite drown the screams

   And we're losing
On this planet

! And the broken, they were born
In view of world still torn, forlorn
They've met scorn
as intrusive bodies situate themselves in a momentum
that doesn't require their skills
And the monster roams free
as the people cry "help"
in this place of mine
because they see

The response is a little too late.
We let the quiet soothe
And don't have to choose
When the rain chains their fate
and washes away
the entire State




I've been told: "You're gifts and talents are enough"
But it's never enough
and tear drops will roll

I'm begging for love to brush this soul
and sometimes I wonder who's in control

*And I panic

Glorified pebbles
lie mingled
with tainted rocks
that met blood and flesh
of both tragedy
and a natural tide
that gilded the shore with starfish
and in the ghastly before
laced it with metal
stones
that were cloned and pressed into tubes
and riddled over
the worn shore beach
as the daylight aided
the mixture of
sweat
and
salt-water
before the now
when it gently warms
the arrival of those forgetting
and the ghosts of those remembered.

is quite different from which I imagined her to be.
A little unorthodox, her grey lines pile up and the path chosen for me
even holds a touch of colour. The red seeping from the pebbles
becomes a rather dangerous flood. I had never believed she might use blood when the dice I had rolled landed on a double six. To most, it would seem her sense of luck is sick. Now, poor Lady Luck has been addressed most rudely with the vilest names by those who claim her to have switched with a wicked cousin. The have linked her name with Curse, Misfortune, even Hopelessness at times, oft because their eyes have dulled and they insist on the sun to shine. Ignored on the days of mist, I wouldn't blame her should she leave. For most of the used disclaim her aid if the Lady comes not with ease.

there is a boy who sits in the rain. Right smack on the ground, in the asphalt and dirt, but mud will not ***** further a stain of his token. and this boy is not forgiven, he is desperately lost in the state of broken-barely living which he feels suits him best. for this boy is willing to open wide, take the perverted inside for a price outweighing coins. At the moment they join, in whispered breath, he collects a secret as cold as death. They range from immoral to revolting; each twisted and shameless, yet not enough to dissuade the boy from his task. because this boy is searching for a murderer, solely to ask:

does the guilt make it your fault?

               they promised it was not mine at all

And each secret held in his chest has two culprits or more. More than one have committed the same folly. They are disturbed and cracked but not caught, living freely. The filth has a chance to wash clean; they are able to repair themselves. But the murderers? No second chances. Thus they do not come to the boy; they are found by the law. Visible in society and chained in view of the innocent, this boy’s ears echoes with their sins. All the killers of people, spouses, strangers, parents, children, friends, vibrancy. All because of anger, revenge, fetishes, sicknesses...deemed despicable they were left to rot. and that eight year old boy could never understand why they granted him innocence when he was caught. and this twenty-three year old boy will sit in the rain, drenched in sweat as he visualizes the fire and feels the burns that rain cannot extinguish, whilst staring at an empty land plot. and this boy trembles, caressing an old, withered cigarette pack that is one short. Since years ago, this boy has not recognized his worth.

What are you feeling?
Are you stumbling back again?
What are you dreaming?
Have the nightmares worn the barriers thin?

Are you still trying?
Have they been lying to you?
Are you breaking so hard it feels like you're dying,
staying up all night, every night crying?

Stop.
They hear you - want to help you break through.
So long since you were encouraged
and you no longer feel worthless.
These tunnels that were caving were just them penetrating.
Pulling you out of the night
and into the light
giving you sight.

What are you seeing?
How can their tongues hold so much power?
Just can't let go; they made you whole.
You're caught in their blood-stained ropes.

One more sleep without the covers
they started out sweet
but turned to monsters.
You're open, exposed
but still they hovered.

Entered your dreams, forced you awake.
And with nowhere to hide, pain so clear on your face,
they caught it all on tape.

They see your tears,
were just trying to help you overcome your fears.
Giving you a courage
so you could stop being worthless.
The tunnels that were caving
were just them penetrating.
Bringing you out of the night
into the light
giving you sight.

What are you fearing?
Don't you have friends to help you now?
Why have your screams opened the doors to your doubts?

You're seeing before
that which was hidden
and confusion's masked your vision.
Is that a smile? or the icing?
To the push that sends you colliding.

Stop, they saved you!
Only to play you.
Farther into the lava flow, they're not letting go.
They'll never let go.

*

Girl, you'll make it.
Boy, you're breaking out of their hold
there's nothing but gold left for you.

Now you're climbing so high
that you're flying
up to the sky shining
lighting up the night.

Below they're screaming,
demanding a redo
to stop you from pulling through
But. They. Can't. Touch. You.

From above, you see the darkness
a hand reaching for the surface.
And as you dive, what's clouding your mind is:
Will I make it in time?

Desperately stretching, trying to give everything.
But he's letting go
losing hope
No longer willing to play
all of their games.

You hear yourself say:

What are you feeling?
Are you stumbling back again?
What are you dreaming?
Have the nightmares worn your barriers thin?

Still, keep on trying.
I know they've been lying to you.
You're not really dying.
Stop all your cries
that shatter the night

I'm here for you.

Showered in her sweet longing
I can tell I would have belonged here
There's only beauty in her calling
I've seen my beauty wracked in fears

So when her fingers brush me softly
she does not wash away sadness
she hopes to light me up
see my heart beat
so that how I treat her
matches
her love.

Yet, perfection isn't enough
I have handed all I own
I am hers to mold

I am pretty.
I am sweet.
I put her first.
I kiss her feet
I give her gifts.
I make her chief.
I am not enough.
I feel no love.


because I have already loved
but love does not exceed death

So her love
this attempt of mine
can only be a mess.

I looked into his earnest eyes
he was speaking from his heart
and he said he'd wait for me
'til marriage do Us start

But I was scared
and I was young
And I told myself
Don't call it love

Each morning Mama'd kiss my cheek
and ask me right away
when I'd find another boy
to rock my world each day

Cause Mama was scared
that first love's too tough
And the words she'd say to me:
Baby, don't call it love

My best friend was sullen
and often teased
of being number two
of the ones in love with me

Sometimes he'd admit
that he thought he wasn't good enough
and he'd whisper in my ear
Please, don't call it love

This made me real confused
'cause the three
were my supporters
but just this time
I couldn't feel
the wings pushing my forward

And one time
I timed it so I broke his trust
'cause he listened as I mumbled
"I don't call it love"

I turned around
but he'd already moved
and I heard the fan
in the washroom
but it couldn't block out
the noise
of his voice
He was sobbing
Hearts were

b
    r
      e
         a
            k
               i
                 n
                    g

Next time we met
he held me in his arms
and avoided my eyes
but spoke from his heart
and his voice shook
when he said
"til marriage do us start"

"The King's not I," declared the emperor.
And then he told them this:

Weak, ashamed and cowering
I wept for fear of time,
As I watched molasses passing
And the masses caught in line

Alas, a strong man knocked me hard
And it rattled in my head:
Was I perhaps the foolish one
shaking in their footsteps?

I tossed and turned and ever I yearned
to enlighten myself where I could

My knowledge was further
My presence much larger
My advice was the wiser
A beacon I was
for those with the urge
from way down below
to follow my road
and rise higher.

But even those were blown away
when I straightened my back that fateful day.
The crowds were small
As I stood up tall
Up
and
Up

Above them all.

And my superiority
Was finalized
As they robed me and adorned me
With a crown to fit my pedestal
As I did deserve such things.

But they do not call me king
For kings are gods above men
Me: I am the Emperor
A god above the kings.

In warm sunlight
upon my neck I feel soft shivers
as you caress my sweat
and you carry the soft cries
of a hummingbird
who's little wings beat their full power
against your gentle storm.
A gentle whiff
of a foul scent
descends upon my sense
and I resent that you've left me
but if I give you time
you return with a strength so beautiful
the odor is destroyed
and wisps of my hair flutter
like parade flags
praising your gentle demeanor
and soothing murmur

but in the dark storm
with lightning crackles
cast by gods or science
your presence is fearsome
you are esteemed to be the terror of a shrieking Mother
Nature, and by nature - you cannot be stopped,
only regarded with delightfully reverential eyes
eyes filled with tears
perhaps your tears
as raindrops are launched
with the same ominous power used to toy with waves
tease oceanic squalls
flirt with floods
and ravage each land chosen
because heatwave or frozen
only your reckoning
gives birth or destruction
to vim
from your feeble whim

but I will ever call
for the tantalizing effect you direct
to my cells that come alive when you fill the streets
with your choice of a dainty fulfillment
or dark engulfment
of the sensations I possess
and I ask for nothing less

only for recognition
of your influential status
and you claim dominance
oh, World's preeminent

Leave**
because I ache for you to stay with me.

the thump thump from the pump
has a ****** gurgle
that gushes and glides through a closed system

but with the touch of air
screams pierce deep inside the hollow drums
and the thrum of feet flailing
has introduced a maniacal laugh so crass
it drowns the wails
and the pump stops
at the same resounding moment when the clock goes

tick tock

tick


gone


and all that's left is a silent stream
and the loudest drip

drop

drip

you've ever seen

In the deadest night on Whistle Hill
a ghostly fog did give me chills
for through the misty, twisting white
I saw swing fro some wild eyes.

Thence broke through a face near cold
yet in his depths was gleaming bold
the darkest shine, did'st tell me nein
stay back, the sloe claims wild eyes.

How I knew, the choice was his
for eyes as those are short to live
but what he wished, I did decide
I thought afraid, his wild eyes

Why shun't he change his look on time
for dark's not dark but in the night
I reached through mist, and soothed his cry
his life had left him child eyes

For child eyes have yet to see
they think they're wild, search for free
they look for lifeless peace of mind
evolving into wild eyes

So now a man on Whistle Hill
searches long, through wind and chill
for'is eyes of old, the quitting kind
lest he might save, those wild eyes.

Succumb. Collapse.
Let yourself fall into every trap.
Then love. Cry. Learn.
And Grow.
By the time you know.
You're basking in the glow,
you've lived.
There's nothing better for you to give.

It was many days
then moons
triple the bottles
turning to months
solstices passed
3 sweethearts later
still drowning
because he needed her

but you don't unearth the hollow ground
the only entrance
is to follow down

this little girl made a great big wish
to fill the world with happiness

and she was delighted
when anyone smiled
she'd place hand to lips
and feel their mouth twist
and give her own gap-toothed grin in the moment

some eyes showed pity
others pride
some even wept
with their talker upturned
but those little fingers
only registered joy

for that little girl was blind

This pounding is much too harsh. Always aching with the drum of my truth as it slaps me in the face. My fat jiggles in a horrendous fashion, I don't move with grace, but thunder. I blunder, wishing to keep up with your pace. I want the stride of your beautiful. I want to stay youthful, but my metabolism is slacking and I hear the snickers, so I'll keep my eyes glued down. At least I keep score; I see days I don't eat, versus days of defeat, I'm a fat-*** puppy always sniffing for treats. And I get sick of the stale lines telling me I'm beautiful. Because only awfully gorgeous people are the ones to speak, and they tell me to gain more? It's not a chore, I'm not resisting when I secretly want to snack. NO, I just forget for a moment and shove some in like a zombie extra-diseased as fat.
I agree, I'm pathetically weak, but people don't understand that it hurts more to know that my power of will is low than to see this mass of mountainous freak.

She was
                         so beautiful and understanding
   and unbelievably scarred

And I
wanted to be like her
       but I couldn't escape the dark.


And perhaps the only distinction
from the blades caressing skin
                    was that she fought back abuse
          **but mine came from within.

Hurry up and disregard me
disentangle from me
leave me ravaged and wrangled and slow
heavy and weak from every inch of you that had blended well
into the crooks.

It took you just a single look to capture me
enrapture my eyes
How I swirled in the delicacy of your lies
It was wickedly wonderful, thrilling
I was willing to be tortured, abused, mortified
It was the perfect sort of killing
drowning and I loved the water
blazing and I loved the sun
bleeding but I loved the blood, that mud from us
that drug

Without you here I've begun to thrive
Incredibly alive!!!
Yet, I start to rain when the thunder booms
I commence the pain in this empty room
I feel the silence, that deathly cold
as my spirit molds into beautiful gold.

This freedom air is growing sparse
My soul freshly bared
left open, frozen

Don't stay there, I need you here.
Pull me down to your broken layer

The pulsation of my heart as it flies across the keyboard
has broken the realm of reasonable
and the verdict for this insanity
is a rung bell
Let the open-ended battle
rake in my oppression until I'm begging
but my blood pumping-now gushing shall bring about
the enlightenment:
only the strongest survive the lies, and the cries
only add to their excitement

I've situated swell here, wrought wells near of a fear so ghastly
there's more salt than water
and somehow it's hotter than the older stories
of Hell in it's glories
with rivers for sinkers
run red from the clinkers
The fragile burn in my vile.

Then one little girl
up-heaved my determination
with a situation that left me speechless
An ice ripped my fire with the touch of those fingers
and hand in hand I watched her stand
and I couldn't see through
that colour blue
unknown to me
was the land of sea

I stayed there blind, unaware of wickedness
let alone the wrongs of my own
But she, in wiser, stood up to the ignorance
and bravely took an oath

"I am the strongest
You are the weakest
But I will save us both"

How many times can't I escape the fall?
Or how many time shan't I?
because sometimes collapse is needed.
but judgement is hard(or easy)
BUT HOW MANY TIMES MUSTN'T I?
but i did
My judgement is off.
Because my falling has become a wicked hole
it's not black it's a blinding swirl of colours
separately gorgeous and together they rip from me the sense of beauty I had treasured now measured in seconds
that have been wasted
as I stand, one of the fallen

PERHAPS THAT WAS RIDICULOUS
i AM A hUMAN
i ENjOY hUMAN tHINGs
LIKE THE LEAVES IN FALL
AND I AM SAD
SO SAD
when I remember that not everyone's felt four seasons
but those reasons aren't enough

I WATCH CATS FALLING
DON'T YOU FEEL FREE TO KNOW
that when cats let go
there's no such thing as back drop

and I dream of falling in love
and out of love
whichever gives me wings
TO FIND SOMEPLACE NEW
WHERE I MIGHT CHOOSE TO FOLD MY WINGS
AND FALL

but I guess I'm already falling into old age
But WHY is that upsetting?
FIRST you must fall young

it's what I've learned from the trees - the only way to spread
without the feeling
of falling
to your death

P.S

I've never minded desperate falling, when arms shoot out to hit ground first
'cause when you're upside down
ITS CALLED SOARING

that's why I can't handle complaints on falling
dear goodness, pay attention

It's probably your calling.

You're a beauty.
Haven't I told you this?
                   Darling why can't you hear me?

Hush, no don't think of it - let me
take that back. I know why.
Because for all my screaming
their whispers are louder

              Please,
Please don't forget
this broken, unsure shadow you're becoming
isn't you
Not all of you.
Even as you crumble I can spot your light
your sweet, gentle soul
that curses and demeans to protect yourself
but you never mean it
and so I can't keep my eyes off of you

but my heart is speaking
telling me:

demons destroy
but make a beautiful mess
I begin to see more
but I start to know less

I see how the scars lie deep in your wrists
but I come up with nothing
there's no way to fix you
because you aren't defeated
Sweetheart, you're lost
Can't you find me?


Find me Treasure, I'm calling!


                                                      ­        she made more scars
                                                           fell too hard
                                                         and no one heard from her again



It's killing me, Love
My voice never wavered - steady all through.
just once
just once
you should have listened to me
and believed in you




                                  **i once felt ruined and ripped apart
                                            i just smile now
                                      remembering that I can sew

I've these issues with white lies.
At what point did they become white?
At what point
did I lose the fight
When do they shatter from innocence
to be condemned?
When is it reasonable that I've become furious to no end?
I can't understand the switch of colours
and perhaps there ARE cases
when you'll need to lie for peace of mind
...but then it's okay?
What kind of ****
is one spewing, to excuse themselves?
Because I've heard too many baseless ones, so I'm asking a serious question
I didn't want to hurt her feeling
That's fantastic! Why on earth would you?
If we are looking at people right
If we are acting as we should
Then why would one need to lie?
You find him disgusting?
Have you even been looking?
There are a million things about him
and you aren't smart enough to find
a good one
any one of them?
I'm not asking you to point out preferences and disgrace him because he lacks yours. I'm asking you to embrace your conscience.
Because we were all born with it
What baby chooses to detest somebody?
Is that even possible?
because they have preferences too
and that includes any arms that hold them
We LEARN to shiver
to feel the revolt
to want to laugh
when our bar isn't met

But there are other white lies, that are just too ridiculous.
I had a lot of fun
How wonderful if it's true
but why is it
too hard to say
I didn't have a great time, but this (one thing) was more
to my liking
and I'll say THERE IS something
that's been enjoyed because that's what we'd get
if we could search out the lovely,
not escalate the ugly

and it's not that I have a particular hate for "white" lies
because any coloured lie is heavy
I just want us to
recognize
that the price is just as large

When am I permitted
to forget? When can I bury these memories?

The ones where you laughed, as I used to
Ones where you trembled in anticipation
before those shakes became
gut-wrenches

The ones where I overheard your men
who said you begged of God
over
and over
To let me forget you
as you had to forget me
amidst the smoke, ash, clicks and debris

And I wish I hadn't received that letter with
those unofficial Last Words
your comrade heard

Those weren't the ones I wanted most
they didn't set me free
I needed your: "I'm coming home"
You belong right here with me

And I wish I could forget
that there are memories
I can't remember

but with the truth of time
I've come to know
We were never One
Because Your Face
blurs
when my memories stir

And my tears are for the grave
you share
with another man
and a foot


I am thankful that the rows of crosses
have no faces

If I saw your face, I would beg for mercy
I'd plead anything to forget
that
I can't remember your eyes
or laugh

What I recall is a hollow man who screams.
Your voice that whispered
It's all a dream
is drowned out by that bellowing

And I can numb my eyes
to those images
but the knowledge still burns

Because I wish I could forget
that there are memories
I can't remember




                                         *What I recall is that you left
                                          on the eighth of November

I can break it down -
from paranormal
to spectral
because in ghosts
there lingers the attachment
of a life-timed
unfortunate, coincidental
contact
betwixt those two girls
who read each other
like a book
in my Grade 12 English classroom

strangers
with a connected tension
cut in half -
now the remnants of one
haunts the other
because of a lost goodbye
that licks her in her sleep
creating a wet surface
waiting for tears
but she's not yet torn
she's stuck in two
with dry eyes
and Gabrielle pleads "let me free"
but there's no sound
in the nighttime quiet
and Cassie is soothed
by the silence

Her smile is infectious.
She's both delicate and beautiful
And I can't find the logic
that makes me so resentful.

My words are ice, are cutting
But, I can't hold them back
The torrent keeps on coming
'til her demeanor cracks

I hear her wounded echos
But she's stranded there, alone
And there's none to blame for her abuse
I did it on my own.

And as her cries call to me
Guilt stirs
So does sympathy
But, I'm trying to teach a worthy lesson
Those tears
won't mean
protection.


I'm trying hard to lend a hand.
One day, she'll come to understand.
Then, that anguish in her eyes
won't destroy her
on the inside.

See,
each whipping
- from my temper -
gives
an opportunity.
Like ones I've used
to wrap myself
in walls
that boast security.




                                           *All this is disastrous
                                    her heart is filled with madness
                                                    an anger
                                                          a­lways
                                                    feeding­
                                             but she didn't show
                                               now she can't tell
                                          her life's a twisted Hell

I've been distorted by a fleeting monster
that lingers wrapped between my legs
These sheets offer comfort at the slightest glance
But give them a thorough look
and you're entranced by the most disturbingly beautiful reflection
I can see
And what I see is the claws that rip into a face
I couldn't label as my own
Because from the sinking nails, all I feel is a gentle stroke

But the voices!
Assuredly are not mine-
I do not remember creating the sounds
So the dreams that speak
Must be only bed creaks
Forget that I'm lying on the ground

But frantic shivers have passed
I do not doubt my own mouth
Because the silence
cried out
"who's hurting me?"

but why should I answer
It's time to sleep
Pleasantly
with eyes shut tight
it blocks all sight
of the monster's creep