Stay.
Accept my imperfections.
I will do anything for you.
I need you.
I need your soul.
I need your mind.
I need your heart.
I need your pain.
I need your tears.
I need you next to me .
Why can't you forgive me for not letting go.
I forgave you for not holding on.

I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.

crushed by the weight
of despair

lifted by Divine love

It's in the deep
dark places
that you
will find me.

Where there is no
love,
where there is no
hate,
where there just
is.

Nobody left of me.
Nobody right.
Just vast nothingness,
like a midnight
playing field
without the stadium,
without the lights.

It's not hard
to imagine
a heart of ICE.
Or a mind gone
numb.

Where there is
nothing,
nowhere,
No one.

Two tumblers I see
Lying on the tray

One is fraught with water
Another with poison

Water is life
Poison remedy

Both are needed
What to do?