the feeling of being so terrified of other people's judgements of you that you can't walk in a hallway without a million voices is in your head tearing you down
the feeling of crying while you walk into the cafeteria and seeing that everyone has their place but you never will
the feeling of eating lunch by yourself and feeling like you are the most hated person in the room
the feeling of knowing no matter how many schools you switch to, the feelings still follow
the feeling of going home to parents who know how to provide for you physically but don't understand why you feel the way you do when everything has been provided for you from the day you were
It's like they wrote the formula out and they know the right answer but they keep getting the wrong one
and you're that wrong one
they set the equation right and followed every step, so what could possibly be wrong?
There is one thing I'm certain of at this point
I do not know how to cope with death
I possess the most guilty heart
I do not know how to understand why god takes the good people away without reason
Why not me
I've cheated death more than I have fingers on my hands and yet the people who are taken off the earth are the innocent ones
I spend my nights contemplating on why
I make my stomach form knots like the ones that form from the families of the missing one
I don't even know the people who pass away but somehow I can't help but feel as if I was directly effected
They keep telling me that there is more fish in the sea
But you were the whole ocean for me
If I say not to touch me, then don't touch me
Don't grab my *** when I tell you to stop
Are you having a hard time grasping the meaning of no?
Let me explain to you what it means in the most simple of terms so maybe you'll understand
No doesn't mean you can still touch me because you've convinced yourself that it's okay
No doesn't mean you can touch me because you think I like it despite my words
NO means NO
"You don't look gay"
"I'll never have respect for you"
"Gays go to hell"
I hear those harsh words all day
"When did you choose to be gay"
Well sir, the same day you chose to let alcohol ruin your life
****, my own sister said she's embarrassed to be related to me
She doesn't want people to know I'm her sister at school because she doesn't want me ruining her reputation
How does this all deprive from me loving someone?
I could be murdering, lying, stealing
But instead I'm in love with a girl named Kylie who makes the dead parts in me come alive
And if that leaves me with no family or friends, then one day they'll have to justify to their god why they treated me so poorly for simply loving someone
My self-conscious body has never felt more beautiful than it did in your arms
Your voice was the quench to my thirst
And when I read my poem to you, you could hear all the emotion in my throat
And your reaction was this
"Ask me to be your girlfriend again"
And let me tell you that was the perfect response
The weeks I spent without you are ones I never want to relive
You've left your mark on me
Literally, on my neck is a love bruise or a bruise from your kiss or whatever sappy phrase you prefer
Some people say they wear their hearts on their sleeves, well my heart is hid deep inside this girl named Kylie
I've never liked that name until it made me fall in love
She is why I write poems and she's the topic of every sentence I write and every conversation I have with a stranger
Baby I need a cigarette and a handful of Xanax to calm these nerves
Actually, I'd choose you over cigarettes and pills anyday because somehow you give me the same effect except the high I get from you never fades
You said some awful things a few weeks ago and we went our seperate ways
but let me just tell you that you are someone who deserves someone who will stay and fight for you
I want to fight for what we had because I am no where ready to give it up
I can't stand not waking up to you every morning or listening to our favorite records together on the floor in your room
I can't listen to the same songs because they don't sound the same without you here next to me
I just want you back because you became my world
So come over and stay the night and let me play those records and let me kiss your face and please let me hear that sweet voice say my name because no other voice can say it better and please look at me with those baby blues like I'm the only ******* Earth that could ever have you and please, please awake me in the morning with a kiss