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 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Maddie Renee
Winter of 2003
I won't hang my head past February,
Or let the obstacles I face stamp my feet into a statistic.
You left me, 10 years old, with a baby that's hand coiled around my finger like a ring that was two sizes too small.
I would use sweat to lubricate his grip but,
He was to precious to remove, so I let him choke the circulation until it looked like your eye makeup before you left for "work".
Painful.
A 10 year old, with ten fingers, perfect to cook 10 chicken nuggets I got for $2.67.
He only had ten teeth but I only had 10 dollars that you earned from spending ounces of Smirnoff wasting away your body to the underground public.
Early Spring 2003
He calls me 'Mom' instead of 'Maddie'.
The bathtub in our apartment would always slump,
I would grip handfuls of his rolls to save him from drowning,
water leaked into the grout of the tile, drawing mold between the carpet causing our conversations to rot,
They were no longer sweet,
The expiration date was February 1st  when you planned another baby.
Summer 2008
You kicked me out,
I spent each day with my feet scorching,
Barbecuing on the charcoal grill of Las Vegas streets.
I couch hopped from friend to friend,
sometimes slept in the rain gutter to stake out for the night.
I still knew your hours,
kept my journal close, dragged my guitar case behind me, occasionally stopped by the house to see him all grown up, only at 8 years old.
He would leave chicken nuggets on the front window sill, the dragging of my guitar case gave me away.
September 10th, 2011
You let me back into the house,
My little brother of 8 years old slept in my bed for 3 weeks straight.

1.4 million teens become runaways each year.
I won't let you stamp my feet into a statistic.
Runaway isn't my choice.

Fall 2014

Still standing.
It's hard growing up, it's hard to take care of a younger sibling when you are young yourself, but we all have the chance to get through it. Love and dedication.
A poem a day
Keeps the doctor away
Two he may need to be called

Three poems a day
The doctor’s on his way
No way could his coming be stalled!

Four poems a day
The doctor has to stay
Five and tough is his work

If the number are six
The doctor’s in a fix
How could he stop the flying spark!

Poems by the hour
Is beyond the doctor’s power
Poems by the minute is his bane

It’s where he loses self
Badly needs a help
To be declared utterly insane!
 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Elioinai
April 7th
Late one night as I walked the shore,
There came to me whispers, whispers of lore,
And there, her tail sparkling amid moonlit foam,
Arose such a lady, of mermaid kingdom,
She sang to her sisters, sang of her lover,
With tears in her eyes, the voice of a mother,
His valor was great, and his gilded gills strong,
But to quarrel with men, was where he went wrong.
One day as he swam, he met with a ship,
Swollen boards, barnacles, iron bolts rusted,
A pirate ship, not to be trusted,
And captive on board, were children for Haiti,
Who cried for their homeland, their hearts feeling weighty.
Their African voices, and African songs,
The voice of a mother, for her child she longs,
The prince’s heart broke, and he wept for his cousins,
Bound for a life of back breaking strife,
He could not leave them and return to his wife.
“From whence have you came?” His voice through a crack,
“In Fanga and Dmindi our feet were entrapped,
Our hands roughly shackled, and lips cruelly slapped.
Oh Fanga of bananas sweet, where blue sky that river meets,
Oh Dmindi, great bronze walled city, now ransacked and devoid of pity.”
“My Family!” cried the Merman, “Just a day offshore you are!”
“If I could get you back . . . do you think you’ve traveled far?”
“We cannot see the sun, don’t know when our sorrow begun.”
“Wait”! One says, “They’ve fed us twice. Two days ago we were cast off.
Surely we could travel back, and if not, in Africa we’d rather rot,
Than in this sinking, stinking ***.”
So the sea prince called his creatures many, whales and dolphins,
Turtles and sharks, in the sun they made their marks.
The Pirates on board became perplexed!
The sea was soupy, their course upset!
What could they do, with this onset?!
The Captain snarled and shook his braids,
“Of no man or beast am I afraid!”
And on his rifle his callused hand laid,
“Let war on these creatures now be made!”
Every Pirate with his gun! The captain now was having fun!
Bullets hit the water, but very few found their marks,
For there was but little marks to see, except the tracks of swimming sharks,
The sailors groaned, what magic is this?
What has happened to the fish?
That they would around our boat amass, where do we go? Oh, alas!
The day grew later and so sign was seen,
The pace was kept, for the shore they were bound,
If this keeps up, we’ll run aground!
With half-fish leading, in the front he swam
He encouraged his army, and called to his friends
“Toward Cote’d  Ivoire  we are a sailing,
Do not let your hearts be failing.”
(No pirate could hear his voice, this was the half-man’s special choice)
“I shall take you not to a harbor, but to an island inhabited by few,
With food in abundance and canoe trees for you.”
That night as the stars rose, he sang them to sleep,
In their own mother tongue, no more did they weep.
For they were surrounded by magic of love,
Love of the keeper of the sea, a father himself.
But then in the morning, the morning of slaughter.
He let his tail slip above the bright water,
The Captain roared with guffaws of cruel laughter.
“To arms again my men!” He cried,
And on that day the Merman died,
For with his dark blue back exposed,
The Captain knew the enemy he loathed,
His aim was sharp, and his propellants deadly,
A shot rang out among the medley
Of orca chants, and dolphin chirps,
And at once clouds moved across the sun.
As purple blood stained the water, the Captain shouted “We have won!”
But the race toward land didn’t slow one knot,
The outcome wasn’t changed by a single shot.
The great fish knew that their command hadn’t died and the death of their king,
Though for sure they cried, His body was dead but his word was alive.
Two porpoises left to carry his body, away to a grave, to lay with his family
To the Castle of Coral their burden did bring, to sisters to mourn and his dirge to sing,
They wrapped his long body, laid him in a cave,
Cursed the old Captain, oh **** the cold Knave!
And brothers did leave to do that hard deed, and carry the prince’s wish out.
They swam in a swarm to the creaky old Roger,
In the night they did find her,
Her crew in a bother,
And climbed they the boards that held her together,
Soon she was taken, the pirates all killed
And prisoners unshackled, as the Merman had willed
(some mermen did die, in the scuffle preceding, but most wore protection,
Their brother’s fate heeding)
The sun did arise, in the brilliant sky,
A Hero’s day! The African’s cry.
The mermen guided the vessel to shore,
And of the Queen’s story there was little more,
Except that now she sings in the evenings,
As she raises her girls and little menlings,  
No one will she find to replace her Prince,
No such lonely valor has she ever seen since.
So she sings to her sisters, under full moon waves
And calls to her cousins, on land that are slaves
That saviors will come, their own lives the cost
And vengeance will fall, happiness is not lost.
April 7th, 2012
Please forgive my unresearched work of fiction
No ethnocentrism implied, mermaids are the cousins of all humans
 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Erenn
R(h)ope
 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Erenn
These lines on my neck
Scars scarred of regrets
Reminding me everyday how i’m blessed
If the rope didn't break by chance
If those 'angels' hadn't come in time
I’ll be in a place where heaven & hell doesn't coexist

I live my life differently now
Every day breathing in spores of hope
Everyday with families & friends pulling me back-
from my melancholy past
Every time i intend to plummet

These strangers that i now called friends(angels)
Saved me from myself
When they saw someone from their pane
With a hope pulling end
They cut through every enmity
Cutting that rope of contempt

As I dropped
Head first kissing the floor
I knew then & there
Why my life is so eminent
Why let love end my existence
Why there are still people who cared
Why leave when there's-
so much more to live for

All these answers gushing in
Making me realize
Just like a rope
You can either use it to end your life
Or you can climb your way to the top


*Choose before you lose to the noose.
There are many form of suicides. And all of them are obtusely deluded.
More or less painful or the quickest way to die.
But hanging yourself by a rope that helped you to pull difficulties in life is just a stupid way to die.
So if u want to die, My best advice is wait.
Wait until you aged.
Wait until you can't remember your sins.
Wait until you cant remember why you wanted to die.
Flaws are meant to happen.
But don't let the intent/influence of suicide fool you.
You can never go back.
I assure you.
You can never ever come back.
 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Ellie Shelley
The word “****”
Is something kids should never have to learn
You should never have to know what is means
To be pushed down and have them forced upon you
Its nothing youth should know
Its nothing kids should know
Its nothing anyone should know
Its just a four letter word
Turned into a world of horror
Where the word “*****”
Gets thrown around at the wrong times
How did I ever bring this hell upon myself
When the clothes I was wearing were baggy
The shirt I had was collard
My pants were long, no holes
How did I scream out
“Take my innocence
Its okay I’m thirteen today”
Because I didn’t,
And if I do recall
I said the word “no”
So how does that give you the right to say
“Oh boys will be boys”
*He was no boy
He was almost twenty
Downing aspartame,
In attempt to drown the pain...
False hope in a can of spray,
Bleeds through to the next page.

In a world where everything is poisonous,
And everyone wants to **** you,
How can I be joyous?
Is what I see true?

My heart is in a bird's nest,
Within the embrace of a dying tree.
I try, try my best,
In effort to break free.

Shadows dance,
Demons prance
In circles
Leaving me in a trance,
Impaled by a lance,
The destruction of a world.


We did this,
We,
Spread hate faster than we could procreate.
How can I forget this?
More wars than forgiveness,
A place people become more ignorant
I become ever vigilant
There are those who down chemicals
To drown their vengeance
And those who take a weapon
Become a menace...

Bullet holes in my chest
Smoking out my final crest
These words outlast my final breath,
Smile with the release of breath,
I know u did my best...

I loved,

I hated,

But I forgave.

Satisfaction that cloaks my grave.
Even in death,
I live in grace.

**Carpe Diem
It's not hopeless..
 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Paxton Potter
If self loathing is in style,
I must be a top model
whats confidence where do I buy it
 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Paxton Potter
If I’m outside
My gaze is always upwards
Staring towards the heavens
Whether it’s day or night

Sometimes its hard to tell
My head will be forward
But my eyes drifting up
Ever so slightly
For a world so beautiful
The prettiest sight is the sky

If I sit near a window at night
I’ll find my eyes traveling
Away from the computer
Or TV
Or my homework
To gaze at the stars

Before the night sky is emblazoned with firey ***** of light
I sometimes try to sit and wait for them fade into view
So I can see how many I can count
My record is 28
Before so many fade into view at once
That it’s impossible to keep track

For me, stars are like people
Beautiful
Shining
But neither last

And usually, before I realize
Before I can do anything
My gaze falls on them too late
Because by the time I see them
They’re both gone
really though I look at the sky too much
I'll be walking to the store with mom and I'll suddenly realize that I'm gazing again
 Oct 2014 Ellie May
Jack
~

Violins sing of purest flame,
alluring harmonies warm the air
Heart beat crescendos keep time
as ember’d flutes whisper beauty
and misty cellos lull wondrous dreams
on the aria of our love

Treble clef desires
curve softly upon your tender heart
while clarinets breathe amorous
melodies of soothing affection,
enchanting serenades
caress our every silent sigh

Forever playing an eternal
symphony of fire,
burning euphonious,
heated temptations
in ever lasting
*orchestral bliss
Inspired by a conversation with an angel who has completely touched my heart
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