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I wasn't there with my body
when you were happy,
or walking in an evening rain,
I wasn't there with my eyes
to see the tears you shed
I wasn't there to feel your skin,
to see your eyes bloom at night.
I wasn't.

I wasn't there with the body
that would keep your feelings warm,
I wasn't with the arms
that would make your pain go.

I thought i was there in your soul,
a shade of sea,
a morning in the spring,
my words, I thought,
they'd make you feel
the same sunrise that's in my smile
whenever your voice speaks to me.

I hoped I was at least a dream,
a thought of yours at night,
a traveller in your mind,
a phrase,
a nonsense,
I hoped
I was one of your cigars,
your cup of tea,
your rest.

I thought
I hoped
In silence now I know
I wasn't with you
at all.
The most beautiful smiles come sometimes with tears,
The deepest feelings can come with distance.

The distance between me and you
cannot be measured in miles, or kilometres, hours of travelling, nor in any other unit invented by mankind;
it is measured in feelings and thoughts,
in dreams and longings
in "wish you were here" messages sent at 2:32am from a drunk heart who has forgotten the touch of a kind warm hand
it's measured in unsaid words and unshared laughs ,
in skin that has not been touched and tears that have not been wiped
in mental blocks caused by a picture you can't stop staring at
in mad driven souls screaming the same name endlessly
in hearts beating fast at the sound of a ringing phone,
it is measured in empty arms
in lonely walks at night
in the morning coffee poured in only one cup and tables for one at the restaurant
in cold beds
sleepless nights
in eyes that don't meet
lips becoming dry because of the absence of that special kiss.
It is measured in never coming true wishes.

Such a long, painful, distance between me and you
I will always be able to reach you
only with the fingertips
of my mind.
https://soundcloud.com/user-536430323/in-distance  

(thank you, Bill)
painkillers for the body
and painkillers for the soul
I've wasted them all.
I fell into the darkness for which
I thought there was no cure.

Desperate, in denial,
laying on a dying bed
was waiting and waiting in silence
to be brought back from the dead.

And then your memory came again
a pale moon in the black sky
I found deep down in the darkness
a reason to get up.

I was lost in the night
until you taught me how to love the sun
cause you are but a shadow on my heart
and shadows can't exist without light
If you dig in the cave
Filled with your mistakes
You will find wisdom
Shimmering like gold
Shared on Hello Poetry on March 8th, 2016
Copywrite under Bianca Reyes
All rights reserved

Blah blah blah
Enjoy!
“I’m free to eat fruit from any tree in the garden;
but I must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,
for when I eat of it I will surely die.
I mustn’t eat it or even touch it.”

I recited this everyday, multiple times a day.

But curiosity killed me.
There was never any cat.
I woke up one day saying,
"I'm tired"
tired of waiting for you to come back,
tired of loving you know you don't love me anymore,
tired of whispering I miss you so much.
I just realized one day...
that I want to be happy too just like you. With her.
because waiting for you is like wishing to fly in the sky without wings. "Impossible."
Loving you still is too much. No, it's not too much.
It's foolishness.
I can't pretend anymore.
I'm tired of crying every night.
I'm tired of believing myself that you will come back to me anytime.
I'm tired of saying I miss you.
I'm tired of loving you.
I want to be happy too.
If you are
not an
ocean
do not
make
waves.
~    
        All the poems I write
     are
just the beginning
                              and end
               of every thought
   I've ever had about you.
She's aimless but she's right on target
Hits you right where the heart is
Cuz she's been around the world and back
She's blameless but she gives me heart attacks
Yeah yeah she's so Kerouac

Told me to take it all and go
Blaze a trail few would ever know
Well I lost my head instead on the edge of existence
I said, "Cut me some slack", and turned right back, she just stood there singin' "You're no Kerouac"

Walking on water wasn't built in a day
The life we're living is nothing but a daze
One mad dream is all it takes
To see that we are one with everything

Yeah, yeah, she's so Kerouac,
Ramblin through the world,
She's seen it all, the town and city
She's just a vagabond girl, spiritual monstrosity, like Neal Cassady, she gave her life to Jack

I was born to be a hero or nothin,
Knew my time was coming
To an end, I went away
In search of better days,
I stared at mountains for months and months, though they never changed, I couldn't stay the same. I am just matter bound by time and space, I saw the end of god, she took his place


Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're so Kerouac.
Pale cardiac rhythm, stood still
Frail insomniac prison, quietly shrill
Yeah, yeah, babe, you're so Kerouac
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