I don't write to flatter you
I don't write to give you something to be proud of

I wasn't made to please you

I can love you as much as I want
But in the end, it's not my decision
whether or not you feel the same way

I write to inform
I write to let you know that there is someone who cares for you
There is someone who adores even the way you laugh at pointless things
There is someone who knows you're important despite your constant self loathing
There is someone who cares without demand

I don't demand that you love me back
Because I love you enough to let you go if you have to

To all the space heaters out there
Your warmth is well appreciated,
The walls, chairs, and windows thank you
Winter nights are much cozier by your side
And while a fire place is much more desirable
There is something about a space heater that is beautifully honest,
There aren’t any booms or blasts
You know why you’re here
And you’re dam good at your job.

But I don’t know what to do with you
My hands fear you
Because I left my oven mitts with the last fire
That was reliable as a fire work
That burned uncontrollably
Only to go out.
But you and your steady hum
You and your tenderness
That warms a room before I even flick you on
You’ve made your way into the beat of my drum
My skips have a rhythm that is to the bone
You keep me warm even when I’m alone.
I realized that I unplugged you in the waxing summer
But you persistent little thing you,
You rhythmic beast
You never turned off
There wasn’t a cold moment
Even when you left I was well supplied with fleece
And fist fulls of fiery passion
The humdy-dum continued on.

August brought external fortification
My walls are thicker
Windows insulated and furnace much quicker
Yet October knocked
And I opened the door.
I don’t need to
These lungs have brought much more than a warm touch
These hands have begun to create again
I now forge my own cadence.
But like a composure's proud piece of work
Like a inversely synchronized symphony
Your humdy-dum dances with my pitter pat
I don’t need you, I want you
And what could be warmer than that?

I am haemorrhaging. My life is haemorrhaging right out of me. I feel faint like a distant star on a foggy night. Oh where is the moon?

I burn too weakly now, masked by shadows that the wayward children lose their way home. They stay lost in the cold and crying, 'Oh where am I?'

Where have the other stars gone to, disappeared from their posts? They run away; they run out to play. But the children are still crying. Oh what do I do? What do I do?

I am haemorrhaging light, but it is still not enough to light the way home. In furrowed frustration, where are the other stars? In determined desperation, I light myself ablaze.

A heat grows within, and I haemorrhage more. Brighter and brighter I burn, piercing through the galaxy, through the dark void of space and through the foggiest of nights.

Look.

The children look up to see the northern star shining so brightly; too brightly that they are afraid to move. What is wrong? They asked me.
My voice quavers under the strain. Go home, I pray. Be safe. I can only burn this one last time for you.

This spectacle of mine drew the others home; they ask me with jeers, with curiosity, with worry. What are you doing? Why are you doing this?

I give the stars no answer but a question instead, where have you been?

And then the walls in me cave in and I explode.

A burst of light so bright it blinds. So bright it is burned into the eyes of the children that each time they close their eyes, they will see me. See me lighting their way home. But look up at the night sky now, and I am gone. I have burned out.

In all absolution and regret, I am returned into stardust.

Oh where am I now?

i stood in front of you
a shell of a girl
and with every shaking breath
i tried to stand tall
show you i was incapable of quivering
show you i was cool enough
good enough
brave enough
but the truth was i was running out of air
and every cover-up
proved to cover-up another piece of me
you would never know
when i gasped for my last breath
i collapsed
and it wasn't your arms that caught me
it was the floor
and there i stayed until morning
where the bright sunlight exposed the bruises
and all I could do
was let time do the healing

"You make me extremely nervous"
"Why?" he asked.
She fiddled with her rings and answered,
"Because if you kiss me, it's going to hurt when you leave."

Tonight I saw the sun again,
It was beautiful.
Oh how I've missed it,
It's crazy to think about before
How sore I was.
Now I'm healed almost completely not even a scratch left.
Tonight I saw the sun again,
Oh how bright I hope it will be.

Chrysanthemum
Weary, dressed in pearl
Old like a sea whale
Ancient.
Records of ancient cults
Missing you
Need to haunt me again
Indifferent to breaths and
Your
Heartbeating, pulses
Starlight bright night
Cooing me to second sight
A psychic without ties to
Mischievous spirits
Collected

I write About bad things but on the flip side
Not everything I have to say is bad
I remember the good days
Trips to Theme parks
To short to ride the rides but it was ok it was fun anyways
Stuffed animals won at carnival games
Post cards from places I dreamed of going
Quarters spent on bubble gum machines
Temporary tattoos only requirement was water
Juice drank from road side stores on another trip to strange places
Hotdogs on the grill when the power went out
Cuddling in one bed when the heat was turned off
Reading books about other people a beginning of a childs imagination
Dollars under pillows everytime a tooth was lost
Sleepovers and slumber parties at the house of a friend
Toe shoes and music
Popcorn and chocolate
Flowers on valentines from a secret crush
A's on tests and Friday night football games
Class president speaker at graduation
College acceptance
A engagement to a high school love
And one friend who understands
If you keep searching eventually you find the good.

2 o'clock in the morning
I'm still studying and learning,
studying and learning how to love
how to love a girl that is sad and mad

2 o'clock in the morning
I'm still waiting,
waiting you to answer
for my heartbeat gets faster

2 o'clock in the morning
I'm still thinking about you,
for my love is true
that I feel for you

2 o'clock in the morning
I'm still into you,
but I found out that you love someone
someone that broked your heart many times

*but still, I'm here for you..