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Jul 19 · 130
Always
Aidan Jul 19
Always on my mind
Always lingering in the shadows
Always appearing in the quietest of moments
Always on my mind
You're always on my mind

I don't know when this has started
I don't know when this will end
I met you once after 5 years of separation
Full acknowledgement of it being one time thing
And yet
You're always on my mind

No contact in months
Yet always on my mind
Always to where I need to look at previous words or profile
Just to get you back into a dark confined corner

What had changed that one time we met?
What switch was flipped?
Afraid I cannot say
For I do not even know myself

I saw some lyrics in a video
"Always on my mind 24/7  365"
The relation to you seems uncanny at this point

Always on my mind
Always haunting me
Always planting seeds
The end?
Who knows...
Simply getting words off of my chest that have been weighing on me
Jul 18 · 137
Take Flight
Aidan Jul 18
Like most things there is a time to leave,
a time to leave the nest one was raised in.
But the question is if the flight out will be smooth.

Will you glide on ice or end up hitting rock bottom?
Either way this is learning of the survival.

Unlike previous species,
we are taken care of until a number deemed "adult."
Other than some exceptions that is when we take off
when the wings are spread out to engulf the air of what is new.

Sticks and stones break our bones,
but they will forever leave a scar of a lesson learned
good or bad.
It is these scars that show the growth longed for
problem is that the path for this growth seems to be an outline.
It has been a marked trail for most in their lives
so traveling off the beaten path holds a sense of uncertainty.
It is either embraced, ran from or lived on the cusp.

Learning is done by experiencing by doing or watching
but how can their be learning with only
one teacher
one voice
one person
speaking to you
giving the answers and guidance.
There needs to be an abundance of people involved.

One's skin thickness does not grow overnight
but over a period of independence
where you understand how to do something
who you are
who to let into life
who to cut out
and mix in some wishful thinking here and there.

We want to plant our roots
let them expand
let them tell their story
but that is just a wish masking the underlined work.
Knowing the time to leave is the start of this growth.
Unlike other species,
we have deemed a certain number to dictate when growth starts.
Along with the exceptions,
we grow
we get cut down.
It is all endured because of a base, a wish, a dream.
Just taking into account some of the stresses and thoughts I have had this past year.
Jul 2020 · 122
If only
Aidan Jul 2020
I wish for time to simply stop
for everything to take a pause
it feels as if we are going at lightning speed
do we ever stop to reflect?
do we ever stop to see who has stayed by our sides?

I wish for the ability to tell the future
that way I can know what to prepare for
what to be embarrassed of
who I can trust
who I should not even try with

I wish to understand others
what they feel
why they act
why they betray
why they fade away

I wish to ask questions and get answers
why is the way to success through education?
why does our future depend on education that puts us in debt?
why do we trust when there are many knives?
why do we love when we do not know who it should be for?
why do we feel the need to deceive?

I wish to ask these and more
I wish to have the life I want and not feel regret
I wish to act but not fear the consequences afterwards
I wish to express myself how I want to
I wish to not feel the need to conform
I wish to find that one person I can trust no matter what
I wish to find that person to be with be through it all
I wish to understand people's lies
I wish to see the truth even when blind

I wish I could understand
Late night thoughts that have run through my head for years now. Some wishes are mean to be said for the chance of maybe someone hearing its call.
Jul 2020 · 161
Time
Aidan Jul 2020
tick tock
your time is up
tick tock
you're almost done
tick tock
time to give up
tick tock
you've been caught
tick tock
time to confess
tick tock
any year now
tick tock
the clock has struck
tick tock
liars begone

you thought you could succeed
think again
the clock has struck
and now you're done
all will know
all will see
what you have done
justice comes to all
when and where
are the factors that wait
for the perfect time
the time when it will matter most

tick tock
i've let you in
tick tock
and now we will see
late night thoughts on breaking trust
Jul 2020 · 106
what now?
Aidan Jul 2020
they flood your mind till you cannot think
cannot dream
cannot function
they flood your mind and completely take over.

there is a never a rest taken
one by one the words consume you
your drowning in the words
every letter
every syllable
the meaning of the words haunt you
to the point of no escape
they are the ghosts of your past
they will never leave.

keeping you up at night
keeping you awake till god knows when
rendering you unable to function
all those regrets
all those past mistakes
take form at night or in daydreams
they haunt you
hound you
bombard you.
they do not take a break
no matter how much you wish they would.

you have given them the power of you.
they are the everlasting ruler
never to be dethroned
never to be slayed.
all those wishes for them to disappear are rendered useless.
why try when the scales have already been tilted permanently?
why try when they have your mind on lockdown.

will there be a time where I can escape?
where you can escape?
escape from the words
the actions
the past thoughts
escape from what was once reality
but now just a terrible memory.

they have flooded our mind.
never came knocking
but came barging in
made themselves at home
nice a comfortable at our expense.
now what?
what to do.
if only I knew...
May 2020 · 146
Invasion
Aidan May 2020
It floods your veins
Filling your body with relief.
You can feel your muscles relaxing,
Your body can now take a break.
No more tensing,
contracting,
just calm,
peaceful.

You soak up the words to their core.
Slowly becoming one.
Internalizing what they have to say.
They have struck something deep within.

It is the kind of feeling
you would want everyday,
a high to stay on in forever,
free from the thoughts and stress.
The chains of reality are momentarily severed.
It is the feeling
that you would never want to lose.
One that envelops you with warmth and comfort.

The words speak to you,
they promise hope for the future,
they promise things will be better.
They entice us and make us believe in what could be.
The words are motivation to continue on
The words are an outlet.
They hold a multitude of emotions,
they hold trials
failures
dreams
experience.
The words are a reflection of what has happened.

Music invades the soul
capturing all that is found
and all that is lost.
Music allows a break from reality
it allows us the chance to be transported away
to be understood by others.
It is the binding agent for everyone,
whether it is acknowledged or not.

It's the shot of relief
to help us continue on.
Just a nice pouring of thoughts about how music affects me and maybe others. Who knows.
May 2020 · 90
Reminisce
Aidan May 2020
To what do we owe lives
Or should I say to whom do we owe our lives.

There is a time and place that we should be reflecting on something like this and I feel that during this strange event,
we should take advantage of it.

To whom are we loyal to
Our families
Our friends
Our values
Our morals
To whom do we answer to when we need to be uplifted.

What is the answer that we so desperately seek in life.
Oh how I wish I knew
But I think that in this time and place,
Reflecting is the best that can be done.

We reflect on
the past events
the worries
the joys
the life events
the welcoming
and the parting.

We have so many events to be thankful for and to learn from
But what so we have to give to those who have gave to us?
What can we do for them
Especially at this point in life.
May 2020 · 128
Dreams
Aidan May 2020
It’s the place where we float in the sky
Feel free from all the worries
Feel free from the burdens life has set
It’s the place where we can let go,
Fall from the cliff
Spread our wings
And
Soar far and wide.

It’s where eternal happiness resides,
Where nothing is everything and
Everything is nothing
Then the long awaited reunion can finally happen that has been years in the making.

Joy radiates from you and them and it seems unattainable but it’s a matter of believing you can.
You now can relive what has lost
You now can rejoice in talking to those once lost.

This is the place where the shadows can no longer hold power over you,
For they have disintegrated from existence.
For they have submitted the themselves to the light of a new day.

This is a place of dreams.
Heaven.
It truly feels like heaven to me.
Feb 2020 · 134
Internal
Aidan Feb 2020
Not again!
Don’t let her near me again!
This happens every time.
I just want a break from her
What do I have to do to get a day off.

My friend is right next to me!
Why can’t you just go for her.
No! Please!
Have some mercy woman.

My friend is right next to me
Why don’t you go bug her huh!
I have to deal with this 24/7
And she’s sitting pretty.
No way!
Not gonna happen.

I ask for a week off
It’s a simple ask
Yet I’m still on the clock.

What do I have to do to get away from you?!
I didn’t ask for this
I didn’t want to to be with you

But I’m still here
Stuck.
Serving your needs hand and foot.
The servant to the master

The shoe to the foot...
Feb 2020 · 156
Constricting
Aidan Feb 2020
It’s coming!
Closer and closer
It’s coming for all of us.

The walls are closing in,
Oozing the jelly from its victims.
That’s how a loving in made now
Take the people,
Sell the remains.

Oh no.

It’s here,
Am I next or are you?
Not sure.
We’re standing side by side
Two peas in a pod
And now they have come for us.

The walls of October.
Beware,
They aren’t as nice as they appear.
Feb 2020 · 105
Rescue
Aidan Feb 2020
Here I am
Writing to you
Writing to someone that will never respond
Talking to a brick wall
Yet here I am
Still making the attempt

What can I do?
Is there something I can do to change this dynamic,
It has been years.
Years since my heart last skipped.

What can I do to make it leap once more?
To feel again what it is like for you to look my way.
To feel again what it is like to be cared for.

So here I am,
Writing to you.
My lifeline being tossed out,
In hopes that you will come to rescue me.
First loveish themed poem
Feb 2020 · 262
Transported
Aidan Feb 2020
Where am I?
Please can someone tell me
Where am I?
I’m lost and confused
Can someone please be my guide?

It’s dark and cold
I’ve already ran into something twice
I’ve lost my mind 5 years ago
I think I saw it here

Can someone help me?
Tell me where I am

Someone is here
They are coming
Can someone help me?

They are here for me
They are here to take what I only have
They are waiting
They are watching

Help me please!
I’m lost in the forest of my mind.
Jan 2020 · 294
Sustaining
Aidan Jan 2020
They’re coming
Hear them roar
They’re coming
Hear their battle cry

Out for blood
Out for revenge

They’re coming
And there is nothing you can do

You invited them
You used them
You gave them all of this power

Now it’s time to bow down
Time to surrender
Time to put your life in their hands

They’re the pots and pans
And they dictate your future
Dec 2019 · 205
Trapped
Aidan Dec 2019
Can someone hear me?
Can someone hear me?

It’s so dark in here.
So many days, so many nights

Can someone hear me?

Set me free
Please
Anyone! Someone!

I’ve been in here for a decade!
I hear growling,
I’m scared.

I’m in over my head,
The liquid!
It’s going over my head.

Help me please!
I’m stuck in the bottle
Jun 2019 · 232
Chances
Aidan Jun 2019
I trusted you
I trusted you and I have been forgotten.
I have been forgotten and left to deal with the never ending abyss that is my mind.
What have I done to cause this?
What have I done to be left all alone in this world.

The reality checks that we get are unique to all of us but what really defines who we are is how we react to it.
It's how we use this wake up call to our advantage rather than let it be our downfall.

But you have let it get the best of you.
Reality has told you something that you did not wish to hear so you turned the other way.
Away from the truth.
You chose to ignore the pain rather than fight through it.
Rather than take it as a lesson and learn from it.

You chose the easy way out.
In most cases, I would agree with your decision but not now.
This was the wrong time to choose to escape.
This was the wrong time to choose to abandon hope of change.
Change comes around regardless and it is up to us to be there for when it arrives.
Change leads to many great things in life
Change can also lead to various horrific things

I trusted you and you left me to fend against the truth by myself
You left but I will still welcome you back with open arms.
I will still allow you the second chance to let me down
I will still allow you the chance to escape once more.

Maybe I need the lesson in who to trust
But it's you who needs the lesson in fighting.
This poem is about not having someone in your corner at the most detrimental time. About the fact that even though they left, you would still give them a chance to do it all over again.
Jun 2019 · 336
Words
Aidan Jun 2019
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
That's the saying isn't it?
To not let the words of someone else get the better of you?
But how can you not let them get the best of you when they haunt you daily?
How can you ignore them when they are lurking right around the corner?

We want to believe that the cushion to our wound will always be there for us no matter what.
We want to believe that there will be someone by our side through it all.
But it's the words that we use that can do the exact opposite of what we want.
Words make people leave
Words can make people stay
Words define how we live and who is involved in it.

Nothing is said without an intention,
It may not be direct but it will do damage.
Damage that could either be fix with more words or damage that will stay forever wounded.
Words cause the hurt that surrounds us today
Words cause the joy that we are all addicted to

So the next time you use the words you have been blessed with,
Think
Just think long and hard
And then, just then may you say what could very well dictate your future.
This poem is about the words that are used in everyday life and how they hold much more power than people like to think. Words are the key to the set backs and the advantages in life, it is just a matter of how you put them together.
Mar 2019 · 299
Karma
Aidan Mar 2019
You will get what’s coming to you
When? I don’t know
What I do know is that it’s coming.

You’ve stabbed me in the back,
You’ll soon pay.
What makes you think that the world is on your side?

The world always find justice
And justice will side against you.
Mark my words.
You’ll pay.
Feb 2019 · 403
A Year in a Glance
Aidan Feb 2019
January
The time of the year where new beginnings take form.
February
The time of love and heartbreak. You give your trust and the receiver may do what they will.
March
The harsh icy shoulder starts to thaw and you see the raw side of people.
April
Showers of tears cleanse the soul, making the body ready for new truths.
May
Flowers and new hopes bloom. Whether they flourish depends on the upcoming months.
June
The beginning of summer and new relationships whether they are friends or more.
July
Mid summer and just beginning of finding who you are.
August
End of summer, end of freedom. Our minds soon captured by the education board.
September
The start of school and new intelligence to be gained.
October
One month in and everyone is burnt out, waiting for break.
November
Crawling on the ground, trying to just hold on for a little longer because next month is
December.
Presents and joy now to come. School ends for a week and the restart is pushed.
Until next year...
Jan 2019 · 106
Island
Aidan Jan 2019
I’d like to think of myself as an island
Floating all alone
Seeing people pass by without a care
Sometimes I wonder,
When will it be my time to be noticed by a ship.
And then you came along.

You showed me what it was like to be seen
You showed be what it was like to be heard
And for this I am eternally grateful.
Your friendship has given me support.
You understood when no one else did.

My island may be alone,
But when you come to visit it becomes home.
Gratitude towards one of my friends that has helped me a lot.
Jan 2019 · 169
My Dear
Aidan Jan 2019
Don't cry my dear, everything will be fine
Don't cry my dear, all will be shared soon enough.

That's what they have said for years now,
Where is the support when I'm knee deep in an endless mental battle,
where is the support when I am all alone.

Don't worry my dear, just smile and wave
Put up a mask to hide the truth,
Give the people what they wish to believe is true,
Never let them in.

But then how can they see I need them?
How can I let them know that they are exactly what I need at the moment?

Don't worry my dear, help will come soon.
Find the one person to trust,
Never let them go.

At least they mention something that is practical.
A person to trust is the rarest thing of them all,
Once found, keep forever and never trade it for what seems more valuable.

Don't worry my dear, I have finally come to save you.
Thank you for staying in your mind and not saying anything.
Thank you for being isolated for all these years.

No, thank you.
You've shown me what life should be.
Not relying on the words of someone whose left me some time ago.
Just a little something to retaliate against the reassurance that sometimes I have heard or received that never was the full truth
Nov 2018 · 108
Duckling
Aidan Nov 2018
Give it time they say
Everything will come into place they say
Don't fix what isn't broken they say.
Apparently comfortable is all people are used to.

I'd like to believe that we all would take a risk
Do something extraordinary
Do something that will amaze people.
The rare people who do exactly this are revered
And yet nothing is done.

We hold the people to go out of the box at a high standard,
Yet we still stay in the nest.
We're sitting ducks in the rapidly changing world.
When will we realize that it's time to fly the coop,
That it is time to rise from the ugly duckling faze.

I don't know about you but I do not wish to be one of them,
I wish to do something with this limited life.
What exactly?
No clue.
But isn't that the best thing about this world?
Even if we don't know,
We can experiment.
Just a little rant
Sep 2018 · 503
High School
Aidan Sep 2018
Everything has been said
Everything has been documented to some extent
What is the point in changing when everything is all planned out?
Why can't there be a reset or delete in life for that one moment?
For that one time where I've acted out of character?

There never is any forgivness
Only constant reminders of what I have done.
What  will never lie down.
Who can live like this?
It is a crazy way to live.

Everything you do defines you they say
Do not slip up
Do not look at someone the wrong way.
Everything has a consequence
Everything has a reward.
For whom?
That is for you and I to figure out.

Only four years of this.
Only four years of the judging
Then it is off to a better place where all of it melts away
Where all the drama is left behind,
Waiting to be revisited in ten or twenty years.

Goodbye.
Hopefully for a long time
Because I am not going to the sequel.
Just a personal take about what is said to be the four most important years before college.
Apr 2018 · 163
Too Much
Aidan Apr 2018
It’s too much,
The world, the expectations.
It’s all too much.
How can you put this on a teenager
I’m still learning who I am in this world
And you put this on me as well?

Did I do something wrong for this to happen?
What can I do to fix this?
All of these stereotypes are not me,
So why are you trying to make me conform?
Why are you trying to turn me into the norm?

It’s all too much.
You expect me to do a lot of things
My life is only so long
I can only do so much
Don’t force to me to become a perfect human
Don’t force to me to be who I am not
It’s my life
And you’re making it too much to handle.

I need to figure it out on my own
Without any guidelines to hold me back.
I will reach my potential
All you need to do is allow me to succeed.
You may be surprised at what you see
You may actually be proud.

Just give me a chance
And I’ll prove to you that
I can create you’re too much,
Into a just right for me.
A personal internal struggle of fitting in and learning that not everyone can be pleased. It’s too much to think about what others may think even though it is very tempting.
Apr 2018 · 307
Afterthought
Aidan Apr 2018
Goodbye is all that can be uttered
We all knew that if anything else was said then,
They would come
They would come and take away all that is good
For every light shining upon us,
There is a darkness that has not been noticed.

If any other word had a strong impact,
It would be said,
If there was any action that can be done,
It would happen.
Unfortunately,
Miracles are not the cure
Only time and healing.

Oh how I swore to never utter those words
Only time and healing is the cure,
I have never believed it,
Why should I tell a tale that is not true?
I should not bite my tongue
I should not be disgusted by my words.
But it has finally happened,
The world has broke me.

And for that I bid everyone a good day
A good afternoon
A good night
There is nothing left to say if lies remain true,
There is nothing left to say when no one speaks
There is nothing left to say to an empty room
Filled with people
With nothing original in their minds.
This is about the hardships everyone has faced at some point. When we feel we are talking to a blank wall. To a person who is listening but not comprehending the meaning.
Mar 2018 · 236
In the Shadows
Aidan Mar 2018
I tend to hide
My mind screaming,
My thoughts buzzing,
But nothing escaping my mouth.
All of the questions,
Comments,
Are bottled up.
Never to be heard,
Never to be understood.
It's never one's fault
Sharing emotions is a norm,
It's more abnormal.
How I admire those that can.
The truth is so much easier to come out
When it's with people who understand
when it's with people who've gone through it as well.
Maybe tomorrow it will change.
Mar 2018 · 156
Unfortunate Truth
Aidan Mar 2018
You say you understand
You say you can relate
But when I come to you
Seeking advice
You're gone like the wind
one moment you're there
The next
You've disappeared,
Out in the wild
Right back to where you came from.
Why understand me
When you can't even be my support
I'm falling in an eternal wasteland
Never to be found,
Never to be rescued.
You say give it time to heal
But I have,
It's been years
And nothing happens.
Stop
Just stop
With the false hope,
With the lies,
With the sympathy
Because the truth is,
You don't understand
Nor do you want to.
Congratulations,
You've got what you wanted
My crushed hope,
My crushed spirit
Yet with all of this shown to you,
You still don't understand.
Sad
Yet true.
Mar 2018 · 235
Life
Aidan Mar 2018
Time knows no boundaries
No one is untouchable
Anyone can be affected
Time travel is the theory of salvation
to undo our mistakes.
But mistakes are our experiences
Alter them and we could all
Achieve the perfect status.
Time in the universe
Time in space,
It means life.
Every fragment of your life
Kept on a record
Never forgotten.
Time,
where seconds turn to minutes,
minutes to hours,
hours to days,
days to weeks,
weeks to months,
months to years.
Time,
It means the life that could be
and the life that is the present.

— The End —