The stomach pain is horrendous
The taste of dessert coming back
The look of disaster
stab me, choke me, **** me
The disapproval upon the faces
The miserable sounds in the background
The insecurity peaking out
save me, help me, rescue me
The choke before the gag
The spit before the rest
The death in my stomach
take me, be me, please
The blood in my gums
The ache in my throat
It's over–
I'm alright again.

I'm addicted to something
I haven't tried
I don't know what to do
I can't get it off my mind.
It comes in all forms
sugars, powders, plants, liquids too
I want it in my system
I'm often very blue.
Make my temperature rise
And my heart beat slow
I don't care what it is
Just let me go.
I need something to cope
I need something to see
But ultimately,
I want to go back to being me.

Dim lights
Deep voices
Darkness all around
Faces floating
Floor shaking
Heart shattering to the ground
No control
All alone
Left with no one there
Danger coming
People shoving
Left lifeless with none to hear

I sit and stare
Wondering why
You left this mark on me
I have to breathe
See my steam
You need to leave my body
I drop down
To the ground
Far from time and saving
Temperature rises
Heartbeat slows
To a line of nothing more

Am I going to make it?
broken, beaten, burnt, and blamed
can't breathe, can't speak, can't be–
Don't look pretty lover; drowning in life isn't a sight to see
Even when I thought I could be your strength,
Failure swarmed all over my body
"Give it up, go away" the voices whisper
Hell is a place on Earth and the demons cry out for me
I am weak; no one would disagree
Just take me already, no more waiting in this ****** misery
Kiss of death at my doorstep,
"Let me in, let it all go" the voices deepen
Maybe it was meant to be like this
No fairy tales, no happy endings, nothingness
Only your nightmares becoming reality
Pain surging through your body; the black blood dries along your face
Quit, I don't want any of this...
Realizing I am the demon- my mind, my body, my everything
Stinging stupidity- the evil lies within myself, clawing to get out
Though, it's too late, time is up
Up and underway, I was in too deep
Vicious and vengeance piercing through my black covered eyes
What am I? Who am I?
Xanax in my stream, in my pulse, in my heart
Yet reaching the end, hearing the beeps drop to zero—
Zero.

I'm not like them,
I don't drink, smoke, or **** like them.
I'm not that girl,
I don't look, dream, or think like her.
I'm not like him, or her, or them.
I'm not any of this, so why am I here?

What's the point in wasting our time sulking in the bloodstained past that will never be forgotten
Or the blood baths of mystery soaking into any bit of happiness that we hope will soon come
Happiness,
None of us are truly happy in our shameful skins that are so ferociously clawed at,
But to feel the need to survive
To stay alive to bear through the pain
To experience those once in a lifetime memories
Worthless,
If that's all there is to count on
The evil over shines any bit of earth's wonders,
But what's so wonderful when all you think about is the next disaster that will soon destroy you
Into the billions of pieces you so carefully put back together,
Pointless,
No need to witness life's miserable beauties
Or death's unawakening faults,
When all that's on your mind is the darkness that will soon overpower you in a matter of moments
Courage,
You waste your time wondering if this is what you want,
When you spend every waking moment for this dreadful hour,
Why wait any longer when death will forever be on your shoulders?
Understanding,
As days pass by,
No one will remember,
They'll be just like you
Envying the fact that the darkness that you're indulging  yourself into now,
Will soon become impeccable brightness that will never leave your side.

Every time I hear them talk about you
I perk up,
I listen closely,
My sweaty palms shake against
The firm hold I have upon my legs,
I crave you
in my mind,
in my body,
in my heart.
My body shuts off,
The need to fulfill,
The desire to breathe you in, swallow you down
This battle never seems to fade,
All by the simple sounds of your name,
I'm hooked once again.

I'm terrified to see him once more,
He was the trigger to anxiety,
He was the break of all trust,
He was the death to my soul,
I'm terrified to see him once more.

I don't want to be like them,
I want to be my own,
with my own ideas, memories, thoughts
I don't want to go through the motions,
I don't want to be washed out,
I want to be original.

Cruel whispers, gentle whimpers,
glares from across the way.
Judgments floating, lungs choking,
left lifeless for all to bear.
No one cares, secret affairs,
blank for none to see;
but the truth comes out,
when all it’s about, is lust and apathy.

Blazing walls trapping me within the great barriers of the unimaginable
where am I?
who am I?
Weakened and afraid,
guiltsmotheringmybodyuncontrollably
the unforgetable
the unforgivable
Hearing the shallow cries chiming from the shadows of the night
I mourn to myself,
there is no stopping,
there is no escape.

it's like being stuck in a nightmare,
but instead I'm in reality.

whispers float
around the room
laughing at
rather than with
make it stop
get along
****** up world
of misunderstandings
you don't know
you never will
the life hiding
behind the sin
no choice to be made
it comes from within
I can't help
but be like this

It shouldn't of been you
in the accident that day,
For it should've been me.
I'm the one wishing myself dead,
I'm the one wanting out,
it shouldn't of been you.
I want to take your place,
it's unfair, unfathomable
your innocence was to save the world,
it shouldn't of been you.

I've never felt this kind of desire-
The longing of your touch,
The taste of your lips.
I've never wanted anything so badly-
To feel your legs intertwined with mine,
To feel your warmth up against my chest,
To feel your heart beating within my ear,
To feel your breath in unison to mine.
I've never missed anyone in the way I crave you-
I've never felt anything quite like this.

touch me as if you desire,
hold me as if you care,
kiss me as if you miss,
talk to me as if you know,
but please,
all I need is your love

What does it matter to you?
my ****** orientation
my eating habits
my motives
What does it matter to you?
my grades
my standards
my background
What does it matter to you?
my disease
my appearance
my everything
What does it matter to you?

Will the pain fade away or will I?*
terrified of everything-
afraid of reality,
afraid of my dreams,
a constant battle
that can’t be conquered.
on my own
I want help-
I need help,
but nothing will change my mind
I can never admit to the things
that went on that night
I can never reveal my secret.

Strip me apart
Break it up
Make the decision
To move or give up
Give me a reason
Tell me why
I should move on
Again this time
Need some guidance
Oh what shall I do
To quit or keep going
It's coming too soon

Within yet without
Being so close
yet feeling so far
Reach for me
Grab my hand
or I'll slip away
Into the pieces you never put back together
Catch me
Hold me
or I'm doomed–

He makes me feel on top of it all,
He's showing me it's okay to fall.
I want him near, I never stray,
He lets me know everything's okay.
He's more than I could ask for here,
He's a genuine guy with his heart so sincere.
I never would've expected this,
Whenever he's away, I always miss.
He caught my attention, there is no way,
I never want him to go away.
The feeling I get, my heart with desire,
It's only him, I'll never grow tire.
He is the guy I want for me,
Baby I can't just let this be.
So come here now, come around,
We need this time, don't make a sound.
The silence makes my heart beat fast,
Oh how I want this feeling to last.
His touch shows me what he's trying to say,
I want him here, I want him to stay.
So let me be the one to choose,
I can promise him, he will never lose.

You’re not who I made you out to be,
You make the pain drag along so slowly.
I look around with fear and distraught,
If only I’d ever let you get caught.
The way you play with my mind and emotions,
It’s as if life is an everyday motion.
Trust is not something easily gained,
Because of you, I’m always strained.
You haunt me and I wish you’d stop,
Remember, I could call the cop.
What you did was illegal, you see?
But I want to just forget, and go back to being me.

Jealousy is not something I can easily contain,
It comes in unexpected times and cannot be tamed
When I try to deny, and try to resist,
It only makes it worse, makes everything twist
I end up with regret,
I end up with sorrow,
I need to move on, forget about tomorrow
I'm only causing problems
It's not nearly acceptable,
But you're making me feel unwanted, it's so easily perceptible
uninvited, unloved, and without you,
I know it's in my head, but I wish you'd get a clue
Even though you remind me all the time, my heart's still on a thread
But seeing you with them, with her, with him
makes me feel alone, makes me rage, makes me question myself,
But never turn the page.

I fell in love with someone
It’s hard to explain
I don’t always let people in
But I had nothing but to gain,
I was constantly battling myself, the past
He makes me forget it all
He’s showing me love lasts,
He makes me feel alive and strong
Like nothing can hurt me
I’m so blessed to have met Him
On this long ever-lasting journey,
I began loving myself
For He’s showing me how
Because His love is enduring
He understands me somehow,