You once told me
Something so sweet
About how I could change
Those shadows that hover deep

I believed your wide-eyed stories
Your reassuring truths
But once I saw your teeth
They started to rot
I soon became the filth
Neglected under your tongue

They thought what a waste,
It wasn’t a cigarette burn

You had them put me out
You had them chanting
I was the cancer
That came in flooding
Only it was you that was fleeting
Having them believe
I was a habit worth quitting

Why is it that I go to sleep feeling lonely
But wake up to one hundred texts
People don't want me during the day time
But in the night I'm apparently a godsend

The 2 A.M. "what're you up to"?
Surely I know what that means
What you really want to know
Is if I'll satisfy your needs

When you're just a pretty face
No one cares what's on the inside
I'm the girl whom your mind jumps to
When all you want is a good time

I may not be everyone's cup of tea
But surely I'm their ninth shot of liquor
Brought up over drunken conversation
You all say "yeah, I'd stick her"

It doesn't matter what I say
It's not as if I have a choice
In this world of simple pleasures
I'm viewed as a body without a voice

Is it a coincidence that
I am not attracted to the opposite ***
Yet I can't attract the same spirit.
I'll let that soak in as I explain.

I always wanted a girl that could imagine a revolution in her brain
I always wanted a love fully approved by MLK
I always wanted a partner that could take away my pain
But maybe what I lust for was more than what I could maintain.

God never gives us more than what we can handle
But I'm always left astray listening about the scandal
That broke the queen's heart and left me to heal it
And even though I patch it up I could never fill it...

I always been the one to stop their cuts
Never the one to stop being cut
Always been the silent healer
Never Been the one to feel her
Always connected to their deeper side
Never Been the one to resign inside
Always forced to hide my feelings
Never able to show my pride

Priestess ,you captured me with the words that you would say
I hate your struggles but can't take your pain away
I love your poetry but can't make you sit and stay                                
I worship your mind but can't make you pray
I can only listen to your heart as you pour it out to me
And when your ready to go, tell you to have a good day.

Queen, you've had me since we were young
When you said he called you out your name
I wanted to cut out his tongue.
There's few reasons I'd **** and you are one
How could he say something so shady when he's speaking to the sun

And Goddess,  where do I even start
I've given you your own personal wall in the gallery of my heart
I've pondered on our time together and mourned the time apart
We didn't really get to finish, next time I'll play it smart.

I'm stuck on my lonesome
Until I find that spirit that attracts
But maybe till that happens
I should go adopt some cats

I always thought that when you left me you broke my heart. I felt it break the second you walked out of my life and it broke again every time I heard your name and it broke all over every time I heard our song and it broke again every time a guy wearing the same cologne as you walked by me. I felt it break every time I saw you at school and had to hold my head up high like I didn't miss and didn't know you.

But here I am... almost two years later. My heart doesn't break anymore when I hear your name, or when I hear our song, or when I get flashbacks or have dreams of you. Because yes, almost two years have passed by and I still dream of you. But it doesn't break my heart anymore.

And I know why now.

At first I thought it was because I was over it. I thought it was because I had finally moved on and healed from all the damage you did to me. But it's not even that...

I have tried to date other people and I have tried to start over with someone else. I've tried to open up to him and I've tried to be good to him. He's a good guy and he treats me right and cares about me, but I just can't give him my heart... and today I realized why that is.

It's not because I'm scared to give my heart away, but because I don't have a heart at all anymore. It's because when you left me you took my heart with you and now I'm stone cold. I don't feel anything anymore for anyone.

In a way, I thank you... Because I never want to hurt that way ever again... And without a heart I won't hurt at all...

The world, the norms, these people

Mechanized, synchronized, too perfectly fit,

Living corpses all around

Who know nothing beyond black and white.



“What about me?” grey asks.

Why is white peaceful, black ugly and grey oblivion?

I exist.

I do.

I am.

I have.


In the room of your mind where where the door is white and walls are black

Look at the colour of the ground under your feet.

It’s all me, it’s all grey.

Sit there and consume me,

Think about me, sleep with me

And you will  be alive.



Grey is confusion

Grey is chaos

Grey is a beautiful mess,

I am grey and so is my mind.

I have read the poem you wrote for me late at night hundreds of times.
I read it when my mind is constantly doubting itself.
I read it when my eye sockets are continuously flowing waterfalls and I've been drained of my confidence.
I read it when I need it.

You see those little poetic words created by a beautiful mind are my reminders that I'm strong.
That this life is not as bad as it seems.
That I have what it takes.

When looking into your eyes I see a healer.
Somebody who fixes wounds with words.
A kid at heart who fixes minds with short phrases because he is to scared to encounter his own.
A healer who needs healing.

I'd like to thank you.
For creating a boost of confidence for me.
A beautiful piece of art that'll live in my head for years to come.
Something I can go back to without worrying it'll be gone when I get there.

I hope you find someone who can give you what you gave me.
Because I believe you need it too.
A boost of confidence that'll never fade.