at this point i'm tired
of
living
with the negativity that won't stop
until my life falls
every second, every minute
i walk through the halls and what's supposed
to be the walls
are demons closing me in
suffocating me to
do better
it's rare
they would never want me to succeed
unless they feel that they would conquer me
how good it would feed
them but not i
that's why i try to change
to change i try

in a van
with an ex-friend.
ex-win
lose again.
sitting in the front
you in the back.
we’re so far
but tension dense.
i sing the same sad songs
a symphony of sorrows.
mis-created mini meals of sensitivity
things won’t ever be the same again.
i lose again
ex win.
with an ex-friend
in a van.

insecurity is eating me
the world is showing me
that you have to be having it all
or you have nothing.
i should be happy
with my natural blessings.
my hair
my face
my me
because it all belongs to God
and i was made special in his image
and if he supplies all of my needs
then my natural self is okay
that is all i should need.
those people that i envy
those people aren't happy
those people are irresponsible
those people are temporary
because they waste their life
and feed on
on temporary things
and you are what you eat.
those people don't care
those people are full
of the gigantic meal called
themselves
their ego.
i see
but the would feeds me
a different meal
which i am the cook
they feed me my own
unsatisfactory.
wow
this is how i eat and be eaten.