I have shaken you off
like his cold from Thanksgiving
or like summer skin
freckled with "you look beautiful!"s and my weight on your shoulders
among green sheets and purple walls

In a hardware store we felt like a bad couple
such sad and discordant energy among
steel hammers and that perfect bracket
that I couldn't find.

I love you
And that's the problem
I will eventually hurt you
I will disappoint you
I will make you cry
It's not that I mean to
It's truly an accident
Love causes pain
That's why I wanted to tell you
I'm Sorry
Even if I haven't hurt you yet
I eventually will

one year since i made the worst decision of my life
(worse than ryan ever was.)

2014, the year i was molested
the year i decorated my arms and thighs
with a knife
and a cigarette lighter.

2014, a year of ups and downs
commemorated by the first time you shoved your hand down my pants, held my face down on your ****, pushed me up against a wall with your hand up my shirt

...how does one celebrate such a year?
dinner?
a movie?
flowers?
gifts?
more *** that i don't want?

sounds about right.

excuse me if i don't feel like
celebrating,
boyfriend.

Have you ever been with people that make you feel a way that words can't express? Almost like time doesn't exist, and you can be young forever. You're frozen in that day, that moment, and it's the only thing that matters. There are no outside forces to distract you or take you away, reality is nonexistent. Obligations may get in the way, but they're irrelevant once you're back in the altered reality that has been created. There's nothing else like it, when you have best friends.