anxiety is a killer
           it takes over your mind and body
     swallowing you whole
causing you to worry
       about uncertain outcomes
   leaving you a little numb
           it mistakes ‘try’ with ‘perfection’
  every red mark
                 gives you a ghost white complexion
       next weeks reunion gives you chills down your spine
   will they remember me?
should I just decline?
you can feel it in your hands
          as they sweat and shake
you can hear it in the sound of your queasy stomach and your shoe tapping away
you can see it in the way your muscles stiffen and your eyes become blank
you slowly start to succumb to these physical symptoms
       and slowly, you shut down
your hands cannot grasp your drink
your legs can no longer hold you up
your stomach cannot hold down this mornings breakfast
       and you tumble
       and it leaves a bruise on your forehead
       you mumble
    *will they notice?

People aren’t perfect
And no matter how hard we try
We cannot make someone into
The person we want them to be.

Let them realize their own flaws
And change will come
Eventually.

I don’t hate him
I just wish I hadn’t fallen for his little game
I don’t wish him bad omens
I just pray he doesn’t do the same to other girls
I don’t tell his secrets
I just let people figure out his intentions on their own
I don’t miss him
I just have an aching in my chest when I think about him
I don’t cry over him
I just stay up at night contemplating the pain he caused me
I do forgive him
But I don’t forget the scars he left
I don’t forget the lies he fed me
I don’t forget the things he took from me
That I will never get back
I don’t forget the feeling of unworthiness
And I will never forget the words he said
As we neared the end
I don’t hate him
But I don’t love him either.

Dear Dais,
Mom and dad aren’t together anymore. I know you won’t believe it because I still don’t. It wasn’t your fault. Dad just did some stupid things. And it wasn’t mom‘s fault, she gave him enough chances. Right now you’re doing okay. You’re 17 now and graduation is right around the corner. It’s taken you three high schools and lots of tears to finish, but you’re going to make it. You’re an aunt now even though you really see your nephew. You’re 2 & 1/2 years clean. That means you no longer do drugs, drink, and stay out too late with boys. You’ve been very very sad at times, sometimes to the point where you would draw on your arms with something sharp. You stopped that. At one point you wouldn’t eat. You got over that. You finally let God into your life. You let boys and fake friends hurt you but now you’re stronger than them. You still get sad sometimes, but you’ve came a long way. I’m proud of you. I’m proud. You might not understand right now, but one day you will. Don’t try so hard to grow up, because I’d give anything just to be a kid for a day. Life is hard, but through everything to come, you will make it through. You will go through a lot, more than you thought. But you won’t give up because you’re much stronger than any superhero there ever was. Stay strong girl.
~ Daisy Rae
11-13-17

mind bullies your body