I've been drowning for hours
those are the thoughts
wanna peek into my broken home?

So out of my element, so stressed
My glitter water, my magic powder
I will create something out of this mess

I am one of those freaks
I am one of those wild meeks
Can't let this get to me

I've been drowning for hours
in a puddle
of my own undone pulsions
of something I can't name
but it ******* ached

I felt it coming back
all of that crap...
Thin guys - thin desire
That heartbeat rising and dying
at the same agonic time
Closed mouth - hands tightly shut
in that famous knot
Thin mentality - beauty in an urn
But I smashed it the moment I felt the Sun
Is it up to me, for the Sun to burn

Trust nothing - not even your mind
in fact, that's the least reliable one
trust your Soul, your shining Sun! it lies in your Heart

The tragedy is I might love you
we created a monster
that comes and saves us in unlikely moments
but you might not care about this poem

What about him? I love him, too
it's a work in progress - it goes good

but yesterday I just ****** up
on my actions
and my world is a weird puzzle
where everything connects
no internal logic yet
but synapses going nuts instead
so enlightening, so sick,
sometimes, so great

But what do I think now
it makes no sense
I am drowning,
once again

My mind - sharp and clear
I will die for this
for the afterwards bliss

Today - there are clouds
intermitently, bringing me down
but I hear a song in my head...
and music heals the devil's threat

Did I work my way to hear
-am I to be congratulated-
or did she come to me?
I don't care - I just believe

I just wait, I just wipe out
the dirt from my pink shades
Perfect's close, I said
"And it's thanks to days like these
you learn to appreciate things"

But:
Oh! I still need the perfect
that comes anytime my way
the Sun rays blinding sight of anything else!
I am still a sucker for rainbows
shooting star
northern, all kinds of light
I live for them, for them I am alive.
Give me the quiet ecstasy
morning after, moon above
-another kind of light, for love-
(not far from your arms)
Give me the glitter, the gleam, the shine
spilling out, spilling into my insides.

The Sun calls me, no cease, I can't say no
the clouds, you know, they'll fade and die out.
Speak up, for sound makes the devil drown.

What you did to me
Is something that musn't be done
But at least I had fun...

You broke my heart
But it didn't hurt much

Playing with my heart
My deepest fears, my deepest desires
Such a lifeline you were
Now torn apart...

Now my fingers work again
Although not against your body anymore
But it feels good to be back
not at home
just myself

never more
i wanna go back
i don’t want my sterile sadness
this comfort of sadness
i wanna feel, i wanna scream
not sustain fake relationships
i want to make it, will my brain let me?
I need human flesh
I crave human flesh
I need some reality
I had needed it so bad
I needed to ditch my stylish sadness
now it’s coming back

It seized me that way in class
You and I, what the ****?!

My thoughts got out of my hand
I could tell no one, my knotted heart
The answer was one I could speak
but I doubted I could feel
Everythings gets so ******* twisted
So hard to see clear
Like a fire it threatened to sweep what I held dear
Guess what? Not what y'all think
Guess what? it's not "us"

But now
You've got a girl and I've got my man
And all of a sudden, the doors opened up:
(no more doors of hell, please)
And I had seen clearly who we are
I had a sun like vision
I saw it in a bus downtown:

We are like two vessels of blood
that need to flow together, side to side
They stick around but never come together
They are friends, they are not lovers

This wound will close in time!
When it's over I will probably laugh

what if they cannot handle
what we know it's true
They could not handle me
They could not handle you
What if my mom thinks I *******
What if the world thinks I love you
This is the simplest, truest way:
you are simply my friend
and it's up to me
to handle it all well

It is a process
not a sudden coup d'etat
But at the same time
there are weeks in which your whole life lays

Life is steady - trying to **** us up
Trying to get in the way of us
But this nuisance that pierces
is nothing but a speck in the eye of the universe
Even to our own eyes. It burns, mortal eternal, and blinds,
but it won't make us die.

"My pain is tiny but oh it is fierce"
I would be glad if it dissappeared.
My ache is minor - but I complain because it ******* stings.
And I can't see an end to it
But it exists

I live for this. This is my intellectual, vital ******, yes
No shaking but stillness instead...
Complete visions - interconnectedness
everywhere, this bunch of pains acquires some sense!
I live for apparitions, blinding lights, and no turning back points.
I live for fullness, laying in your bed satisfied and knowing.
To know. To uncontrol. To know.

I live to see, to understand, moreover to live.
I started writing again, to wake up from existence's death bed
I live to watch - to witness the gifts of the Earth
running through my wasted veins
I live to see - I live to tell

And the broken vase seems to fit
And suddenly, it could be fixed!
Visions chasing me
that's one of my dreams
Not to know too much, but to feel
to feel the front and back doors of the mind
open wide.

And some visions ache
some visions break
but a vision is always God sent
A vision makes me high
why should I look something else

Speechless
but more than okay
who cares about
the small things that worried me
yesterday

Pulling out the weeds
from my brain
I tried to keep the garden clean
and it got crowded with ****

Erasing the doubt
the guessing, the mind game,
the self-inflicted pain
Replacing it
with the ever answer
love
and the flow from which everything good comes

Life is easy - when you have no clue
when you are guided by the eternal flux
(A lifetime of words to catch what's further
this contradiction is no exception)

It's like it was with Gitte
But now I know better
Spent years trapped
I will fight not to come back

How spaced out and disgregated
can I be?
My thoughts scattered
so I can't see
Everything out of place
Arranging madly, can't rest

I've been here before
Confusing beauty and love
But I felt your hand on me
And God I could feel
But I forgot, I chase those things

I am ******* distorted
Today
Take me away, again

It doesn't exist so far
but in my mind I have pictured it all
If we want to, we can
(I guess)

Won't you come to Copenhagen with me, baby?

We've already been there, in Wonderland
Won't we come back, and call the whiteness back?
I think of you and I alone
I think of a world just for us
And I shiver in my chair
I know I want to be there
I know I belong there, in your arms.
In your body, in your realm.
In your bed.

I want to be close to you
I need to be whole by sharing my core
but not with anyone
just you, my love...

A communion of us
awaits
Pure love
Won't you come with me to Copenhagen baby?

Coping is just a solution
you do what you can not what you must
and there's nothing but higher purpose as must
no rules in the land of lust
it's a hard decision to know such
how to put it so I can understand?

Coping is finding a way
then finding you've gone astray
Coping is the key and the lock
Coping it's just the way heart works

But there's something higher,
you will find it like it or not.
The time I coped, I was living good,
on my own. Hands below my *******,
you on the phone.

Beautiful mistake!
Of the planned move - beware
But how to do it, when everything else
fails
when contraries meet

No rules for life, so you get lost some time.
You can trace yourself back. Get found,
so you can be lost again. Wonder, revel.

What I feel for you - something I can't describe
I want the bed with you - I always did want that
But I am afraid the demons are howling again
Using the word love as a threat
This is not love, won't be fooled this time
No big adventure without ditching something
I ditch you pain, I ditch you unhealthy attachment,
I ditch you love, because you tore down my guts

The world has opened its jaws
not to swallow me but to let me gently in
it's showing its teeth, saying "Girl, you can look,
enjoy this"
(Enjoy my sharpness, how I slice you open
but
A butterfly in every ****, an ecstasy
even when you're about to drown)
A gift from above - did I work for it?
The world is smiling at me
It always did, it always did
And the road might be bumpy
And awhile I might have to solve it
But I am on my road
towards
Somewhere better than where I come from.

He showed me that body and mind go hand in hand
That all the tales mom told us and the church and what not
are a lie in fact
He showed me the bleach, other's lips,
that mind governs the body and not the other way around
he showed me sweet times laid in his bed
he showed me LOVE
even if he doesn't know

He keeps writing every day
Does it mean he cares?
He fills my heart
with his words
I became his immobile marble muse
His untouchable desire
That makes you long more because you cannot touch
We became shadows, corpses of what we wanted to be
Wait for me! There I go!
Wait for me! I'm almost there!
You will see my shiny new gun!
Just give me time!

When it crashes
it does not make a sound
muffled scream, no alarm
All the pain, contained

When it crashes
it just shatters, breaks
there's no warning in the air
there's no outer signals
of what's coming over
it crashes, and you crash together

No catharsis at all
The crash creeps in slowly
till it shreds the core!
There were patterns and omens
(there always are)
but we were partially blind
to them
it wasn't in our fate to see those lights
When it crashes, be (not) ready
Because it won't be a tragedy
You will be torn in a million parts
no pictures to match
what goes inside

The devil was you,
I used to think to myself it was true
but it was growing in me too
It took on my soul
And no matter how much I rioted
or acted up
I was hostage
of a sick world
In fact, I acted up because I knew I would lose
but I wouldn't have lost maybe
except for you
You aren't poisonous but you and I
like toxic waste react
And letting you take over me
is to lose again a created war

Why it took me so long to grow up?
While you were pouring yourself over beds
I was fighting demons with my head...

And if I find myself at a crossroad,
no one to turn to, no man's land
I still have my friend's hand
I still have the heat of those
who never go far
I'll go back...oh no, I will never go back!

Because
I do love you, I do love you
but I cannot fight my life
And your insistence
makes my heart pound
but not in a good way

And if I find myself at a crossroad,
without you, without him,
I don't have time to cry, because, oh,
this is life....

And if I find myself alone again
I've been here before
I've got a crutch, prosthetic legs
I've learnt a lot, that never wanes.

And if I find myself again alone
I won't spend my time in the Tinders of the world.
And if the cloth's about to tear,
let it tear down, tear us down
and go on, go on...

I'm prepared for the worst
and I'm standing strong

Maybe I feel like this is the path
but somehow it is not
Maybe they clipped my wings and chopped my limbs
And I grew from there on
What would I do without my source of pain
that gives me joy in the shape of poems

Something's quite wrong with me
but it was also back in time
When I couldn't write a line
when everything would turn a lie
I spent all this life
trying to be myself
and what I find is not always
something I can say

I turned myself upside down
or was it from the start WRONG?
I hear all of your words
They cut right through me like knives to the heart

I saw the world
I understood the whole
My body raised high, higher
than my soul

In your arms, heaven on earth
Such a cliché
Such a true thing to be said

I felt an inmediate happiness
Life, violently hitting me
Go on hitting, life! I want more of this!
I felt fused, i felt so much love
I will never be able to put into words

My body shook - my body roared
Got washed with fire
Unexpected rain over me
I should be careful
I want more of this

*You took me that high babe
can you do it again?

This beast inside - hungry for fame!
(hungry for something that won't fill her chest
because she's empty and
she only wants to get ahead)
won't get her way - I am not allowing her

in my creation, she's the shade
she ***** the blood out of everyone -
but mostly herself
she's drained, she craves

this beast inside - **** her with kindness
she's only just there - accept her today
she aches, too

Cynthia is watching me in the eye
Does she know about the void inside?
I don't know anything else, but
feeling this unnameable take place

Does she ache the way I do?
Or is she just clairvoyant, in her silence cool?
She's a mystery wrapped in a girl, barely talks
I need salvation, so everyone looks like God
Specially those who don't know me at all

Does she know how I look into Gotye's eyes?
Does she know about the emptiness all the time?
About how destructive this fake laughter is?
I try to belong, I try to be
but I'm trapped in between
and this I can't catch, this I can't grasp!

Is she a part of the pattern, the plot?
I will never know!
I am, for sure!

Like an amoeba out of her element
I was
But I had never felt so content

And I fell in love, yeah it is true
But what else could I do?
And I fell in love, fell for you
But what was I going to do?

The dark alleys
where love grows
A lonely Barceló (street)
The dark places, damp
where sensuality springs
I sprung for you,
Then lost my mind…

It burnt me, it burnt me, it burnt me.
First it was heavenly fire
then it turned to non-breathing hell
What is it?

It might have destructed me
But it shocked me, shook me good
Like a just discovered teenage lesbian

And I fell in love, yeah it is true
But what else could I do?
And I fell in love, fell for you
But what was I going to do?

You were a wolf to me
Played with me then made me your prey
But I dance with wolves…

After meeting the devil
I felt not good at all
Cancer of the soul
Chemo to cure

And I am dead
and alive at the same time
But something's rotting in me
even if I don't realize
(I do, in disguise)

Burying head deep in pills
and running away from bliss
Running away from me
Trying to gasp for air
But the air was far away

I am about to break free
I cast the demons away from me
But first, I gotta dwell here...

I felt confused, I was abused
Dead photo - of my dark glowing gloomy days.

I don't want to live my life
on silence
on this dead peace
I want the noise, I need the beat
to make me lose it
with joyful tears
I need the thrill of the ride
I need the riot inside
I need the quiet independence

Amy you could not sleep
when heartbroken by Blake
You dreaded sleep, because of him
All I do is to hide between the sheets instead
to forget this pain in my chest
"To sleep, perchance to dream"
To sleep, be suspended still
And wake up to find
He's still missing, he ain't still here.

There is a threat of death over my head
Death is slowly crawling towards me
Like a knife to my neck, I cannot breathe

Been awake for first time in years
But now it seems I'm forced to sleep
I'll survive, and that's why I might die
While I can tell nobody my grief...
Been awake to life and its gifts
All the paths and lakes that I have swam
Now I could be again at square one
Thought of your lips, it wasn't real
It's like my life passed through a lens - not me

I might lose hold of me again
Oh, the pain...
the pain that no one gets
Oh, the pain...
all the things I cannot say
all the twisted ways
that back and forth
I am forced to take

Death is coming slowly towards me
But I think I'll just shake and die
Die, die, die
whatever way you mean that

(The banality of evil
how inertia walks...)

I wrote my final words
slowly but carefully
now the charade
now the life gone away

A ray of light
before death
I won't lie to myself
At the city I am lost
the gates of Babylon closed
words from my heart
not easily they come

[I am not afraid anymore.
Well, I am, a lot, but...]

Tonight I say goodbye
Tonight - I die
I celebrate being sky high
Being the schizotypal queen
Having it all in my deranged way to be

Tonight I am not going back
to hell
but tomorrow
I'll be dead
Listen to the symbols
surrounding your head
Tomorrow will be a different day
I won't go down by myself but I'll go down with my friends
Drown me, quench me in hell!
And just lemme stay.

I am in a debris state
My feet got tired of running (away)...

I tried to be
but got lost in the jungle of me

And they had lives where I had a coffin
And life is wider than rules and regulations
Life is wider than They thought
And they got drunk and ****** and lived
while I stayed locked up in my fears
While the ghosts chased me non-stop
The only high I know is benzodiacepines'
Am I to be sorry for that?

Life is about the risky and the dangerous!
Life is about the deep ****
Life is about the complicated, tough things

the uncomfortable topics and motions
that give us life
fighting, not knowing where you'll end up

don't be afraid
don't be afraid
don't be afraid

life is about struggling
to touch the sun

All the things your mom told you.
All the old wives tales you heard.
All the fear culturally instilled.
To hell! Let's break!

All those thoughts keeping you away from the core
Deprogram yourself - before it is too late
Before the fear makes a mess

All the false reservations which are not yours
Kick them out!
Unlearn what you have swallowed all the time
Look with new eternal eyes
Look like a child - untamed, always wild
Those motions you must learn to stop
Undo them, deconstruct them till they die
They are keeping you away from life
Biggest ever crime.

I had a vision this morning - I had to deprogram myself
Get rid of futile, pointless pain
And only see happiness, the joy everywhere
Even in tears, the truth shining there
This is the most precious thing you'll ever do
Learning to wear your own shoes

And I am feeling lonely
but the Sun
tells me I have to wait
for us to glow
again

The fear holds me tight.
Are you doing things behind my back?
I love you so.
This is all you need to know.

This waiting is so long
Fills my mind with odd thoughts.
Do you care about this
as much as I do?

The Sun shines outside,
and I've been here some other times.
I won't fail twice.
The Sun is a promise
do you say yes?

Come with me in my red Mary Jane shoes.
We'll get lost in love as we always do.

Tears in my eyes, a broken Valentine
I am high, so you are low
This **** irks me, this **** hurts
Why don't you stomp over my heart
and finally tear it apart
So I can bleed profusely, but not to death
only cry my eyes out
for what we were

D for diet, D for death
I see the future - makes me shake
If you take from us our bed...

I know life will find a way
to pull you away from me
it will wrap you with tender hands
that we will call "her"
to make you love another instead
because life is playful like that
life has no limits, life knows no inhibitions
life tangles things as she desires
life is unstoppable - are we?
I know you make me be it

D for diet, D for death
one thing will carry to the other
even an end has an start
Diet will lead to death
Starvation will follow down
that's why I wanted to drink you up
while we still could live up
I can do anything for you.
I will do anything you ask me to.
I fell for the trap, it is more than done
I fell too deep, no turning back
I fell in love
with you

Poetry is not life
Poetry is the suicidal plank
we hold on to
Poetry is life
how could it not be that?
Poetry is crippled ones
with metal legs dancing around
Poetry is the meaning
of our lives
Poetry is false, poetry is true
Poetry is death - poetry is life.

*****, untidy, disorderly impulse
I don't remember exactly how it was
Maybe it was me, maybe not
That fever of jumping into anyone's arms

***** as the fires
***** as a lie
The final proof something's off
Or am I wrong?

*****, untidy, disorderly impulse
I read about it, and think what the ****?
It's like I was saying words not mine
Like I had been possessed, by myself
Like I had lost my compass...

I will fight, and learn, and try
about this impulse
till I see the truth
It feels so wrong, it feels so good
But now I'm back, I have a little clue.

"How about opening your mind?"
Granted.
It's like it was a prefabricated impulse, not pure.
Unlike true desire.

They say, I could say many things
but sometimes I turn dissociative
Definition: being someone you are not
being stripped out of who you are

It's hard for me to think
I became dissociative so many times
in so many different ways
(give me room and poems to explain)
Like a shallow, a hologram

But yesterday...

I feel like smiling, laughing, but so empty inside
Like a ******* reflex of nothingness to expand
I cannot stand myself
Again comes something,
with its claws of nothing
to take me again, till when?
(It will end, before death)

I'm so saved
I could break
I'm so saved
I'm about to break
I look so fine
but inside
I die

And I retreat back into my world
try to save my soul
but a question goes...
what is real?
is this real?
is this real?

I feel like I could live
but it's a lie - I could not be

I am one or I am many
who gives a **** as long as you are happy
What you are looking for - the everyday carries!

I am one but I have shards
I polish them with a million words
a million songs, a million hugs

I am one and I am I
That's the only thing you shouldn't hide
So let me at least have a guide
that I can fully make mine

How to put into order my crazy travel
all ecstasy, wonder, and mystery unravelled

Uncomfortable on your skin - might be the case
if such is, then get some rest, and you
will beam colours, your true self
now go outside, get fed

This is a maze full of mirrors
where you walk and you are not aware where
this is a multilayered question
too, too many questions
This is a game of sensations
This is a perpetual, enticing confusión
This is a strange feeling, wondering about my spirits
and my mental sanity
This is a puzzle to solve
This has a solution
that I still don't know
time will show

This has me day and night, on and on
I stop, but when it comes

Way too Deep to even put it
so Deep it becomes tangled
too profound, abyssal ground
the land of those roaming around
happily
but sometimes, like now,
OH, the dark!
the dark gets my mind
the light doesn't smile too much
and sends distorted perceptions down my spine

What is real? What is fake?
Too much at stake

I ditched the pit for a handful of dreams
Did I do it too quick?
Not what I think, not what I think

Free me from normalcy and family lunches
Free me from taming the wild inside me
Free me from jail, from the drawback to happiness
Free me from dying with a smile in my face

Maybe I must ditch again
The game is never fully won
But I can do - I did once

A dead, but ever alive, WhatsApp group.
With the dust of time piling over.
With time wrinkling it, but it never gets old.
After my storm we met again.
But I'd not be who I am without the storm.

What can I say?
We've changed to who we are.
Like tres, we grew up.
The unnatural and the natural, joined up
were and are

Our lives have expanded and burgeoned.
Boyfriends, girlfriends, and what not.
Jobs, studies, life's knots. They taste so sweet
if you know you are moving on
We've became what we were made for.
(really so? I'm still somewhat lost
but I know I'm found in this lostness now)

I will always keep you in my heart
as those who couldn't save me
but tried hard
away but together forever in a sense!
Lives knitted by chance!
But everything is chance in our lives

We come and we go so different a place
But we encountered once at the maze
And here we remain
A dead echo of what we once were
A little sketch of our lives for the people to stare

Our lives come together - like rivers to the ocean
but they flow in different motions
Are we the ocean anymore? I don't think so
but in a way, we are the one
we are bound in time
(You saw me breaking in parts
You saw me falling to the floor
and never mumbled a word)

We grew not apart;
there was no anger or pain in our steps
we grew not apart!; we grew up
I moved towards health from the womb of doom
Like little flowers opening its fiery jaws to the world
A world that won't eat us anymore
(although it tries REALLY hard)
Now we've got different addresses
the mail just won't arrive
the mail is not ours
exes and lovers hoard our lives
including mine!

But the arrows point to our hearts
I am not the girl I was
Lost and confused and so sure of nothing at all
A girl wandering, her mind as well as the world
Finding herself in madness
Never back on the road! Not your road
I'm here waiting for my shiny new gun
In my shiny new boots, I repaired before
I am a woman in the run
I am a woman from now on
I am a woman since his arms
We are women, and men
We walked a lot
since then

(It's something hard to touch with your hands
when you act like you had an eye on your back)
but nevertheless there
It lies in the blue of my hair
and the things I did
The way I flow, the way I move, the way I be
The way they talk, the way they think
How I carved my path in life
how they carve theirs in turn
Where do I belong
I have a slight idea now

Oh, God!
Came to you so hard.
But I'm stepping on reaver land.
I better calm down.

What am I becoming?
My life is toiling under pleasure.
We cracked under the pressure.
These ******* are fine, (else I'd lie)
But they have a bitter taste deep inside.
Dopamine keeps me alive - but it has a price
I'm losing my mind.

*****, it's not enough! Your love, it was not enough,
back then! But every shadow of you makes me shake...
I bring you back in every ****. Or did you bring me back to God?

I'm cracking since you fled.
Can you fix the damage done?
And I am blooming in new ways,
but really I know I am withering away.
I was a strange wild flower, now I'm in the sewer.
This time it won't work, I am too broken.

Who told me I'd become an addict
to the earthquake below?
While I'm hungry on your love - no longer
just a dead beat in my guts
a hope some hours - destroyed many more
Ditch the **** - find your own
find your soul
if you are not already lost!

Why do I go to see girls ******* on men like you?
Why all my joy, fantasy of life is through?
My dear, I shipwreck without you

Am I going for a deeper ride?
Drown my hands in the shaky sand
So much fear, cemented in years
I want to scream for help
But no one's there, not even my tears.

Oh love! Elusive force
without it we rot
Impulses separated - love from lust
Don't be fooled - they are not truly apart
How come we are? How blind?
Why pain feels so fresh?
Solo ***, does it save?
I guess it does, but I miss your caress

Since we fell in love,
fear was flying around.
Fear that I might lose it,
and weird thoughts.

I fear losing my ***,
more than anything else!
All these videos we recorded.
Now I am on the other end.

So much to dig out,
expect me, I'll be back.
But you won't. And then I'll hold tight
to **** Hub.
(You'll do the same, but you are not as broken)
Oh God!! Spare me this!!

Are you unworthy too
of tears
Do you make them pour
like he did

Not in the same way,
but still a lot of pain
I can see things happening.
I can do that drawing.

This **** got crafted a dark weekend
With stomach cramps and lots of sleeping
to hide from facts

You love me, you love me, you love me.
Or so you say. I have to believe you. No matter how hard is it. Is it?
Sometimes it's not me speaking
But the beast hidden in my chest
Looking around for you
to feed herself
satiate her never ending thirst
breeding more thirst
maybe breeding more pain

I woke up one day
(it wasn't just one day but many of them)
And I looked in the mirror
and it wasn't me!
I could not recognize a thing...
best feeling in years

I could not match
what I am with who I was
I've been rewired from scratch
A new-old me shines
I've been altered - I hope it's for life

Who I was meant to be
away from all that I used to be
phobia, fear
breaking down, scream

And who am I to blame
for this dramatic change?
Was it pills, was it me, was it fate?

It wasn't the girl that I had been
the feelings and actions I had seen
all that I had came to be...
drifting away to darker roads
I have been reborn
maybe I have to thank God

The pink around me swallowed me whole
Everything was pink! Coloring my bones
Everything was in order - but all of my own
The water started boiling - after years in full stop
Maybe a lifetime, I could not tell - it was so long

And now I cry - and now I shake
and now I ache - but I am not the same
I am the wooden girl, the alien
made human -saved- by whose hand?
Her own spell

Your friend Aitor's laugh.
Your blue eyes.
Sushi at night.
It's not true, it's not right.
But it feels nice.

Woody Allen's movies
The backseat of your car,
you grinding on me to reggaeton beats,
tonight it's you yeah, but it's also him

Look at me,
I am lost but I get some
I loved you in a twisted form
I need to get outta here, but in a sudden shift
you got inside of me
it was never you, it was him

Bitter chinese food,
the night I realized it wasn't you.
I came in your arms, yes, I can do that,
but my heart collapsed because I knew
it had to die, it never got born

She's stuck on a man
I could be her
that's why I sing
all of her torture and her pain

She fell in love with him
in an inner spring
He's a habit hard learnt
she just can't leave
Comfort in the shape of a kiss
A kind of deep hit
She's so used to him
So many beds she's known
but none of them overcomes
what she's felt in his arms
And he binds her hands and thoughts!

"This is a dysfunction",
she knows too well
She's rotting away slowly
while he never cared for her
He wanted her body
She harboured the world instead
Which was his body...and his eyes
and his glasses
and his beard
and his lips
and his voice
that will **** her in the end
Self destruction at the hands of a man
Oldest tale

It's bitter to taste
after all the sweet syrup
she fed herself via his hands
why he has snatched the bottle
nothing in return because
it was hers all the time!
I was not made of ashes, I was made of fire
How to recall the ****** rhyme?

Her therapist says she's stuck
oh she's locked
locked on a ******* ****
got stung on her heart!

Her ****** focus
the death of her
small death in the bed
death of all she could have been

Is the spring waning again?
Am I to cherish this as a *******?
I burnt well without him
Why can't he accept his place within me
Why he resists death
like the little imp he is

Am I to be locked
in his ****
the same way my fella
does now?

A contract with a God I signed
A contract with the wide skies
I was a knot - all tense and *******

And I came happily undone
and it feels this twitch is the toll
Hey you ******! Whoever you are
I am neutering you, I am keeping you down
I'm marching for the Sun
Was it Prometheus or was it God?
I paid the price full for those
hidden magic pills
This is the small penalty for being free
Dystonia - for a perfect fit

find comfort in a lover's hand
find comfort in an unshakeable ground
it's easy when you just walk around
making your way as you go yet
sure of what you want

Glorious days in the Sun!
They are gone, they are gone
But not a single tear I've shed for us
I cried much time before

Glory days - when we met
a state of mind that's gone astray

The devil (or is it God?) weaves our lives
we thought we could cheat on his plan
But this is something you can't run from

I know you loved me - I know you did
I know I could fulfill you - but in some point I ceased to be

Your hands all over my body. My hands all over yours.
Our love, our love, made of soil and Sun.
Which turned to dust - the Sun burnt my palms
Pleasure and pain became one.

You were my everything and I was your something
all my good and my wrong
you became it all
now it's time to go back home
rearrange it all but let's keep
the piece of my heart you gave to me

My emotions
they are the crux
they are the compass I need
but a little breeze
can **** up the thing
and I just begin to drift

And I don't reason anymore
I just feel things to the core
I just become my heart

My emotions
they seize me
I can't just get rid
I really would not want it
they hold all the power
they make me lose it too
but without them what would I do?

I feel the heat
I feel it all
and I can also freeze
Tearing me down, building me up
My emotions drink
from a well I do not know too much
I just get caught
They are my daily grind
my daily ray of light

They drive me mad and they are my sane half
How to put up with such a way of life