I can feel - energies flow
I developed an eye for something that doesn't show
Maybe it's just earthy magic
Magic of the everyday - maybe the only to account for

I can feel - energies flow
and they go
And I am afraid because I'm not in control
I am deeply afraid of it all
Then I see a sign above of my head
"You are not connected to the source"
You don't control anything of this

That was it!
I'd rather be smiling than writing this poem
In the amidst of bad, bad omens!
That was it!
The problem is within
As is it always is
That was it!
Something is dislocated, out of place
The september moon makes me mad
But today I had your arms
and I suddenly know better where I stand

Throw away the growth
I can only see the path of love
I discovered the world
in a twist of luck
and I am going to die if it's needed
for the only thing that ignited

It does not span too long
Just a night or two or so
But it swallowed us whole, I see it clear

It lasts only so long as a night
Catch it while you can
But don’t cry when it’s over
It was meant to be like this
You have to learn to let go…

It’s ephemeral love
Springs and withers so quickly
Fades away as it burns and stings but just tonight
Don’t be sad, because he really loved you
Even though just once in his life…

This sip of life I never had
I’m drinking it up
Beds and love, love, love
that will die soon…

Hot feeling, heavy breathing
but not only that
It was when you held my hand
It was so much stuff
It shone, so bright, that only night.

It’s ephemeral love
The universe knows it
And you’ve been waiting ever for this
The stars conspire above
You gotta learn to let go…

And it could be anything
You could have been playing with me
but I don’t think so… I know

I had a long trip - stuck on your lips
Amish girl gone wild, I'll (never) be
You showed me the world - I didn't know
I tasted it - thankful to God but
Now I'm back home - but never on square one
I bring memories, sweet remedies
I bring the joy of the path we've felt
I don't overlook my joy, I hold back not my pain
I had a long trip - now I am sailing to a different place
Nothing dies, and that's the problem, and that's the answer.

Magic
is real
and you know it too
you've felt it already
but she hides
from everyone

Everything is so drenched on it
we do not realize
that magic is not outside
of this world
it is this world, so please don't stop
your fumbling around

Magic is your lover's kiss
when you're about to cry
magic is a roaring sea
suddenly getting all calm
Magic is someone covering your tracks
Magic is that silent tune filling suddenly these lungs
Magic is...every day's Sun

Magic is that sudden connection
you can guess but you can't explain
yet it is there
give in to its power, its subjective strength

you are the universe and
The universe does speak
but is it you or him you do hear?
It does not want to interfere
It says, "dare to be free"

Magic is that tiny star
that fills the whole sky
Everyone seeking her out
but she's been there all the time
There's magic in thee
if you just let it breathe

I spot evil patterns, since we left
they give me info, an insight not to fail
but to know the pit, you have to fall into it

Evil patterns - how not to love
or how not to brand imitations with that word
I can see patterns that are nothing but blocks

Evil patterns grabbing me and I let them take over
I can't foresee them, they are well recorded
in my inner workings

Evil pattern the need, the obsession, the lack of flowing
the staying apart, not joining hands,
with life's drums
the bind, the breaking down
Evil pattern to confuse terms all the time, to lose that spark
******* them? They went away
I will learn their names
No love, no love, that sickening word
that sacred reality that becomes a *****
I'll let nature do the talk

Evil patterns stemming from internal evil shapes
Because it's known does not mean it's okay.

"Your eviscerating, loving stare"...
and I can feel something tear -
it's my certainty,
it's my reality,
(the very things I see
they clash with thee!)

You are good, but you are a threat!
You cut me - and you want to help
My eyeballs possessed by your mental state!
It's a outside voice inside my head
For years, for years - trying to break free
I had your ugly eyes
fixed over mine!
I always knew they weren't right but
for a second they got attached -

The eyes of the world - so unknown
your eyes tend to interpret what they don't know
Their eyes - always hurt a lot
because they're yours, and they also rot!
Rot my heart and my thoughts

But you are good, you are there too
how can love make you feel so low?
I guess it's something no one wants to know
I just can't let you swap my soul at all
for yours, or let you set my rights and wrongs.
Peace is this.

Talk a lot
eat a lot
**** a lot
This is the path to heaven
get born!

Be excessive in your thirst;
all willing, all open, all craving
all juicy, all glossy, all big
if you have to be addicted
let it be to this thrill

Sing a lot, laugh a lot, sleep a lot
and wake up next to the one you love!
Grow roots while rooted in now
be a perpetual teenager
in love with the things you've found
All you have is this match - set it on fire

Be happy!
Talk to God!
In a late party talk
in a midnight ****
in your ice cream bowl
go ahead and find love

I am on display and I'm exposed
because I wanted it so!
I can't hide, and I don't want to
I am naked in front of everyone
it feels good, so what?
I do it out of thrills, out of feels
so scary but I can't let go of this

(A veil on my face
so I can show myself
no fear today)

I am exposed and I planned it before
But in the end - I rushed to the door
feverish, eager, can't wait to show my bones
I blurted it out as I wrote it up
I put my truest, bestest face
I arranged my guts so you can connect

Watch me, watch me do this.
I can look at it in the eyes
because it's alive but gone away
at the same time

Art saved me
from an early death
Art spared, eased the hell

the flame led me here
here I am, another product
on the list
but my flame better be fierce
she doesn't care about my bills

What if I told you about the ward?
About the dark shade all over my past
Would you walk away
fear the ghosts asleep above my head
They won't hurt you...
Dear, I am and I am not
the same girl

Here's my poem to you:
You make me wanna tear my scabs off
all the words they placed on my name
that once set me free, I must confess
and wish for something more
It's who I am: but it's not
I am more than the sum of my parts
and nothing at all

Ex-psychotic girl, that's me.
Never fully recovered,
but beginning to be
I have been everything

I am off the ward
oh, the Sun
is giving me a tan
and your eyes are lighting up
the bridges I burn

It's a shame
It makes no sense!
Will you leave
or will you stay?
We are a ******* dream
let's not make it
a nightmare

I have been everything, everywhere
to land finally here
In your sweet kiss

And here I am - an ex psychotic
(Bradley certified)
telling you which steps to take
in the infinite wisdom
that only could be given by hell

And I want to write about this
but it is bigger than me
yet the only thing I write about
obsessively, constantly,
wholly

Connecting with you,
my (****) friend. Kicking away evil patterns.
Step by step, sweet kick by sweet kick away.
In your embrace. In the steam you create.
In our problems, that we will solve...
You convinced me once more!
I am lost and found...weakened and strong
I drank your soul. My friend, my friend,
my love.

I will indeed walk.
Away from this town of dust.
My life has just begun.
I see a lighthouse, might be the Sun.
A new Sun that was there all along.

Sometimes we sleepwalk and we call it life
Pass through the motions but we ain't there
But there are dreams, desires, wanting to be unlocked...
This life is a maze.

And then
a ray of light - darkness
a slap in the face
a throb in the blood
a beat of the heart
a different drum
a kiss on the lips!
Thank God for waking up!
Because only then we can dream...

Don't fade away
Or get lost in everyday's stupid pains
You were made to stay.
Through the turbulences and in the waves,
who you are will remain
I know how it is
I know how sour it feels
don't fade away, like a ill found song
it comes to me

Keep a piece of yourself
Don't lose that tiny essential flame.
Design who you are to fit better your fate.
Create, with God's help, every new day...
Alchemy of your guts - keep your options awake
Best art you'll make - making it today
You need your eyes - it's the only flashlight
you can ever trust
Your home is the world.
The world is your home.

I was so eager to see you,
late evening of Christmas.
Bag full of books,
one desire inside (you)
I was falling, even if I didn't know.
I greeted you with a kiss on the lips
that you seemed to run away from

You wanted me in your bed,
you wanted a quick ****
You wanted something different
You were not hooked like that
But all I had was thirst for your love
My *****, unclean love you set free
on a dark Barceló street

And this is what you become.
A faded memory sometimes too strong.

In your room I saw your sweetness
and when we walked I saw it too
Bewitched under your lights
Emanating, I thought, from you
But you were a night inside
Steamy and cold at the same time

Bleeding like a rose in love
I was. You said you were happy,
that we'd meet again.
But I could see things going other way.

Your lack of satisfaction.
This ***** game we played.
The way you run away from my love
in the streets, you don't want connection with me.

I should have read the signals
that you merely wanted to ****.
But I was in too deep and I listened to no one's advice

So now I see, past the growling,
the words, the songs, everything.
Past the lies you told me.
They are too many.

I met him when lost
and tell me, who is not?
these days I had to build a world...
but I lacked the pulse
nevertheless, I started to walk
and it's fruit now, the seed I laid
when I was halfway there
I've been lost for years
and I was wandering
being lonely, pseudo-wild and free

And I remember
all the things we said
two freaks become friends...
he's a polyglot closeted gay
she's a ******* mess
waiting to hatch the egg
but
the bond that we made
got broken as soon as I break
was it real? in a way it was
for nothing is true or false

The demons assailed me
that's why I ran away
that's why I cried my guts out
and drowned in a sick hug

I wish we could meet at the gates
So we could join back
and talk heart to heart
trying not to look back to the past
but rather saying, hey, we made it this far
and now we can look at each other's face
and laugh at all the **** we've been

I don't see **** clear
And that's when you appear...
Your blue eyes light a match but instead
I start thinking I am in love with her

You make a mess out of my convoluted head
Although really there's no one to blame
I see your ghost all over my heart
Obsessive non-love

I can't let it be, the way it was
The underdeveloped crush
of my psychotic years, underdeveloped me

Maybe you attain when you don't try
And lately I do try way too much
Stress eating me whole, I think so
Maybe you are nothing but a fail
Made of wire and air
Maybe you are nothing to me
but Gitte, as a nightmare
you appear

You won't happen again
Thank God you won't
It knocks; did I open the door
can you really close

I got low with my own thoughts.
I got high again.
But the high had side effects
is that really all that is?

I got high and I hit my head
And there began my pain.
It's simple but I am going to comply.
But sometimes it still feels like a lie...
It's not second guessing
It comes from deep within

The light turns strobe-like
I can't abide

If I could account for my shadows and my rays
grab them and feel them, know them well
would it be better this way?
Do I have the key yet?
I think so!
But...

Is this a fake catharsis? How to difference
which is it?
What is the road to take? Open your eyes
You will see the game
Do not be fooled once again
Learning to do this, what life is

I loved you! Oh, I never said so
because it wouldn't be true

The words lingered in my lips
plastic and eager to exist
because they were not real

I said, "let's love this one"
to get away from my own heart
but that's emotional suicide
just with more casualties beside

Those dim nights I loved you,
but only as much as I could

Why do I feel like this?
I feel you away from me
Have I fallen too deep?

Now everything's fine
are we close to die?
This pressure in my chest
this loneliness

And it's not up to you
and neither up to me it seems
that loving you carries
of sufferment a little tear
It wasn't like this
it is my fear, beating strong
killing me

And this fever consumes me
it's heavenly, are you ill too?
And my desire runs deep
All I need, all I need

Why do I feel like this?
(should be doing CBT)
I try to understand
I try to find some peace
I know your love for me
is strong
but sometimes I just can't see it

Familiarity is a *****
She's a very weird one indeed
She's the upside and the downside - everything!
To see you again and feel some of what I always felt
Even if it's dead - familiarity is the ghost that stays
So many people wrecked
because of familiarity's spell
So many people healed and brought back to the Sun
because of familiarity's hug
People kissing old lovers, folks lost in drugs

Familiarity - a small stone in my shoe...
Fiona was right all the time,
"I just really used to love him",
and familiarity
is what broke her then,
familiarity is the quiet storm
in a muddy heart

You were my friend
when I wasn't mine at all
Surrounded by demons around
in my mind, the lovely swamp

There was no vinculation between us
but my hysteria and inadequateness
And now we die in weak hello's
We don't die: we never were, so...

Our worlds never were one
I simply ****** into your pure blood
to purify mine
Your innocent, white, bland blood
My sick, deranged, psychotic thoughts
My fear beating strong
Descending each day deeper below
And bland and paralyzed I become!
And drowning...and down

And now we die. It feels good to end.
For truth shines, and the double sides of reality
show their head
How much I cling(ed) on to you
How I let the time pass
How little we had to talk
How many lies poured into us!
Battling with my mind to utter words
How together we were
How separate we are
How we grew up

My wound starts bleeding at 10
The ecstasy, the pain
A dramatic withdrawal
leaving side effects everywhere
You left a hole in me
You are no good to me
But it is so intense I cannot think

When you come close to me
it's intoxicating
if you catch me off my guard
I get lost

do you remember emotional ******?
do you remember me obsessed
do you remember us?
the girl like a rose in a vase

And when you come close it feels odd
because you've never been here
it is a brutal inversion of the order of things
It feels like going too deep, into the spiral of being
You and I - we will never be
but ah, the shadow of what could and never is...

It is something big that makes me smile
but it's a speed i am not used to drive
it feels like coming to a home lost time ago
so much it is not your home anymore

Untidy pestilent mind after all this
I went too far, digging with words into me
Trauma crystalizing, too much I've lived

FEAR OF FLYING
I spread my wings - to the sky
And I fly high, so high - I get drunk
like a bird - in the night
I dance their dance - oblivious of my feeble self
But then, cold, cold wind hits my wings
And I fear falling to the ground
I wanted simply to be there - drink a little water to calm my thirst
I forgot my wings are essentially broken
And I might fall in any moment.

I've been talking to random guys
because I go everywhere
and I find men
they hoard my space
Wasted my time
Got really sad, felt lost and blocked
Gotta put my life out in its track

I've been feeling a pressure in my chest
That's something not right there
The phone and its rhythms now
erase me from myself
on the edge of breaking

I've got a lot of toxic energy to release
it's starting to make me weak
it's not me
Replacing you with others
not really
not even to my own eyes
I can't be with you
and I cannot be without you at all
what are we going to do with this knot

I am not coming "and I might be dying"
but I will leave indeed some writing

I am dying
listening to La Zowi
I am eating myself up
I can't bear up that fate again,
no, God!

I can't live without love no more
Without that holy shaking no more
I don't want to live away from God no more!

Obsessed little ****
because I never knew you much!

**** your god if he tells you "no"
so angry because I can't come!

I am speechless
like one is when dying
I am motionless, I am rotting
all of a sudden, couldn't see it coming

I am empty and filled with noises
I am yearning for something
which hasn't escaped so long ago
how can I catch it, and have it once more?
Listen to your words, teacher,
like pagan scripture
ah, are you that somebody?
I am that somebody.

Let it die! And **** it at once
No more late night dramas, just this omen/oath
Just let it die, because I've fed it to grow
and I haven't succeeded so...
I won't make a scene
But it will show.
Bitter poems pile up
Bitter days stack up
Our love dies out.

Slowly our light will fade
Secrets accumulate
Slowly time will tell
if I was a fool to think I'd win the bet

I got fooled into thinkin this was - love
You probably did too.
Got fooled into thinking I was your all
I know I bother, smother you with this sick heart
but you can't say no, when I place my lips on your ****

I typed you that...so raw
but with the shaking fear of loss
Pregnant with obsession, like a child lost
and you answered with a slack silence
But a silence that weighs a ton.
A silence that means it all.
A silence, that *******, hurts!
You let it pass, you let it slide.
How much hate, this love can contain!
How much love, wrapped up in despair!

your love, your love
always fills me
and that's why it has so much potential
to **** me

I cannot go without you
you're part of my core
but you pierce me,
just because
I love you so

I have to live with this
this double edged sword
this almighty love
that takes me to heaven
and makes me ache in turn

First day without you
feels wrong and healed...

I battled against everything that came my way
And maybr that's life, nothing more, nothing less
I thought I'd win eventually and closed my eyes to the hurtful light
Unheard the little warning/threats of my mind
Fell in a dream, a sweet dream we could not sustain
What should I do? My wish came true

And don't get me wrong
I like what I've done
But I feel your absence and it hurts somehow
I haven't cried, I haven't shouted...
But I've fell in a kinda trance...

But oh baby Alex
What hurts the most is being away from you
Missing our frame of mind: your smile that would never make me cry
Oh it hurts this disconnection
between matters between soul and mind
between desire and reality,
between what one could be and what one really is;
between the many sides of me, screaming and fighting.

How are we going to do it?

Sixteen
Not again, please

The signals are clear
I can see them, they are here
Steering wheel, take me far from this
My words collapse, and so do I
Life's a struggle - where you gotta have fun

Sixteen
I won't let you back in
Fear - get gone, *******
Caution - don't turn into fear
(Don't turn to anger, just let me be
Get convinced - get carried by the tune
you hear)

We picked the flowers and look at them with love, and care.
From each other's embrace - we could not shy away
The flowers were broken, as we were ourselves
because of my pain, your pain.

The flowers will reanimate
if only we plant them to germinate
This swinging rhythm of grey waves
shores up my existence.

And this fear is slowly going away
and this pain is being drained
Some times, I know it is just us again...
...new pains, though
...old strains, I should know!
I need to slay them all
I need to address them to know
They take away all of my fun
I am a slayer, what happened to my sword?
I am a star, what happened to my spark?
I got bigger, but then I went back to small

I love you - oh **** I do
But I'm stuck again
I'm stuck on our good days
I can see the pitch black
I can see the blinding light
but this smothering grey - I could never take

It's easy if you don't try.
It's easy to open your palms
to the light

Every day is a fight for me
a sweet, calm, strong, ever battle
but at least I can fight it
not like now,
i am reduced to nought
there's nothing for me to talk about

the confusion is way too much
my thoughts in a foggy knot

I lose myself
when I lose you

Forget, forget, forget
On your **** - do not dwell
Heal the heart - with his kiss
Forget the bad - if it doesn't sting
You can't look at everything
Do not forget - what makes you smile
Do not forget - the light
Forget all the crap that deviates you
from that
Do not forget - the heart knows much

It didn't work out well
Don't torture yourself, girl
you say

Those kisses that had nothing inside
we were trying hard to be what we were not
those nights that attempted to be beautiful
at the park
your car redeemed us from that fall
but it didn't take long till reality spoke

that separation - all the things I could not tell you
all the poems you did not feel,
your gentleman words hide emptiness sheer
all the things I couldn't understand
that hopelessness I felt
everynight we met
You were also trying
I was trying to forget

So I'm forgiven, and I'm forgotten
and that's the best thing that could have happened

Oh God
oh Ishtar whoever you are
why do you play games against me
why don't you let me stay here
nursed in love
around his arms
you plucked me, ripped me from him
and I needed it, I did
but now I see it, with clarity
and it shines brighter than my rationality

but now time for reorganizing
time to set up the pace
time to boil again
time to sew my broken limbs
who broke them? as usual I think it's me
this time has been crazy, the summer of loose morals
time to clean up, to see
never hold on too dearly to a vision because then it flees

I am trapped in somewhere
I am trapped in ourselves
in us
it's where I grew
you are my nurturing wind
and all the people with their reasons
and their good desires for me
their advice, their appreciation,
their ****
would not understand
what goes underneath
they would not accept us
as they never accepted me?
For I see for miles,
and I see further than they do
My nurturing wind...

Why can't we decide
I've been rotting slowly don't know why
now it's time to freshen up
to accept you in my mouth
communion from below and above
communion with the whole

And I am waving you goodbye - for now
but I am feeling close to you and I haven't even left
If I could be with you, again
All I need is you to care
My nurturing one, my man...

I'm fresh off the ward
I packed my bags and left the nasty stuff
I've been locked up
but now it's my time to shine

I hit the door goodbye,
I am not what they said I was.
I am much more. I kick my pills,
I feel I own the world.

But now the shine isn't showing up much
my face glows but my heart drowns,
lately it does

I'm fresh off the ward
the Sun beams in my face
not everything is so grey
still I ache
Be happy to shake and be shaken
in the belly of the world
Be happy in the chaos
Dionysiac throes

I'm fresh off the ward!
A real girl now, with a fleshy heart
that aches...and hurts
I might be away from the ward,
but my fate is to come back some time.
Everyone, every now and then,
needs a shot, and a comfy bed.
To dream, dream, dream away
by talking about your nightmares

I'm not in love - he's not my crush
But I have never wrote a sad poem for his cause.
Lately he's been creeping up into my heart
slowly dosing himself in my blood
Giving me his shoulder when I need to cry
what a fool I've been all this time
to despise the man
That reads me so well and so much

He's just a friend - he has many shadows, well
he is a pain in the *** sometimes
but he genuinely cares
and that solves everything
and his advice resonates in my ears
when he says cry no more for this
he's a Little laughter, a sweet thing to be found
and I need no more confirmation
of the things that really matter in this life

Bunch of weirdos - that's what you are!
You click with me - must be that
Bunch of lights around my heart
Surviving life on Earth - side to side
Relaxing chocolate in winter
and with you the clouds
are still threatening but - your words
I can grasp
an answer in the blackness - I see peace

Bunch of chances that I came across
For fate, God's design or just my luck
Uniting souls, we don't need to ****
We are beyond and below those sacred sweet bonds
I show you my colors, and you show me yours.
Talking about our lives, we flow, we flow, we flow.
Around my core.
You all share a piece of who I am
Different words, different worlds?
You give coherence and form and stability and sweet camaraderie
to the real bunch of things here: ME!

I came to the city
after my long trip along the world
I learnt a lot, learnt some tricks
but I don't wish to be back at it

I've been in and out,
never the same again
Thank God!
I've filled the slots
I've came back a lot more
wise

Never the same again!
I've tasted lips I've tasted desire
I've tasted despair, I've been there
But I know more tHan I did yesterday.

The house sneaker
forever in my brain

I could not abide
But I truely loved you my dear.

I have a lot to say but the words collapse in my mouth
I feel strained - uneasy and frozen
I cannot connect with the source, the source is away
I lose myself in daydreams, but no meaning below them
They feel dead

How come - how come this hell?
I cannot even look at, but I must, if I want to put an end
Hell is man-made, thoughts and weird ideas popped there
I know it well, for years I lived in the place

If I could simply live in synchronicity
if I could simply be
all the ******* time
what I am
nothing else
just a tinsel existence
just unfreezing myself
I see for miles
I need to do for miles

Borderline feeling
Sleeping in my bed all alone
*******, ******* - because I love you so
The darkest reverse of love
Love and aggression - talking tonight
They are opposites of the same hue
They look in the eye

Borderline feeling - they call it love
Life is the craziest ride
you've ever rode

Today I mourn our death
A devastating pang in the chest
Although what never was
Can never die, or survive
But my hopes my love my pain
they were real as ****.

You never ever bought
me apart from selfish ***
And what should I do next
My house crumbles, questions to make
If this is love, I'd stick to hate

In what point did we become this?
I gave my whole life to nothing
And you kept it for yourself
Selfishly, as you always were

But the ******* - they are mine
My thirst - I used you first!
We ****** each other to death
To unlock what I had between my legs

And you might be the sickest man
Proof starts to overflow my hands
So far from what I thought we had
A hell boiled inside of me
Burning deep but I could not see

You never were for me, my man
At least you could have behaved, right?
You never were so nice -
Skeletons in the closet - plain old crap

I am not going to your bed ever again!
I don't need you to be complete now
You force me to be brutal and strong
You force me to be what I don't want

But to learn is our goal
I will learn again to love
Just sever the right from wrong
And go girl, go along.

You or anyone will never stop me

I have no reason to be mad
and I am not at all
Are you kissing
another girl?
We have no control over each other's
not so far

I have no reason to get suspicious
because you are not my man
But I can't help wondering
about what you do right now

Anyway, I won't ask you
I have no right to
But it's fun how we become
jealous right when things haven't even begun
It's just an afterthought I had, it's only fun

She's a big ****** from somewhere else
Look at her hair and her UFO dress
She breathes bountiful chaos
listen to her gleeful wails!
Distilling her pain into yet unheard yells
Will she get what she craves, what she deserves?

Not many letters for her address
(she has my 2 cents)
No big names, the fame?
hasn't come yet
She's a gem
because no one found her yet
She needs no polishing; she's so raw
let her stay
She's a story of her own, even if she fails
Beauty of losing, it never breaks

What does this mean?
Coming from the guts of my soul
But my soul is hostage now, I fear

I've been here
weird 14 year old
and I say
no more, no more
It's not so distorted - my core
Loose ends, unfitting scenes
Unclosed, missing links

And I love you, but what does this say?
Think with your heart and you'll know.
The answer lies somewhere you're satisfied
The answer is away but close
at the same time
Is it a wish I must rehearse?
Am I going too low?

I know this is a point of connection to the world
a peculiar hotspot -no pun-
I know this is the key to finally walk
It's self exploration warning without
Could love **** love?
How many feelings, how few words

I yearn your embrace, your hands all over me
But this everynight gift makes me feel weird.
Everything so weird.

do you have the key
to my cage
you might
but you must wait
keep waiting, keep waiting...

I am the girl in the cage
the golden cage
you opened all the windows
and some of the doors
and the key you hold
but it's not enough...

I am not my owner
I am not my owner

Both of us hurt in our own very ways
A rose in a vase, a girl in denial about herself
A tulip away from the rain
A spinster in the make
A drunk ****** in the nights
Laid on the floor hands below clothes
Waking at 3 o'clock coming alive withering slow
In a way, or not

The world is well shut to us
But we got men from the other side
Pelle, The Lance and Björn
singing our dreams that we don't have

Each of us collected to herself
Terrible sins terrible times we can't say
Guarded into our chests

This is what we were
When the world didn't speak our names
Or we rather didn't speak his
And it wasn't like we cared - we'll never be them
But crippled we were
I could have had it better
But I was stunted instead

And now I am still metal legged
but we dance, we dance

There's no God when there's no fear
Yet his true face does appear
You can be sure; if you **** fear
you won't **** a real God
(s)he is everywhere
(s)he is love

Everyone's saying **** but I don't care
I believe in the supernatural binding us
Because I've seen it once and twice
Kiss you as our first ever contact

Everyone's saying crap about us two
That I should leave you, that I should not
Are you playing with my heart?
Am I a goddess or a doormat?

Now the levels of adrenaline in blood
go back to normal
My friends advice floats like a log in furious waves
And they throw a different shade
Have you lied to me? Have you lied?

How to say STOP when it is needed
How to know if you are not well treated
Love is like a mask
Blinding your eyes but making you see beaming lights
Truth and lie in the same sentence
Something really hard to describe

Teenage lesbian - I thought I was in my bitter hour
I come every night and every night I wonder
about why I lie in such a crossroad of pleasure

Men, what do I want from them?
Girls, what is this crap, does it make sense?
I am trapped in such a devilish web
But I don't mind if I go to hell...

I don't understand where it all came from
But **** it did, and it didn't feel wrong

Every day I fall further and further
And away and away from myself.
And closer and closer
this is the paradox!

After this the whole world glows intensely
With all its pain and its glory and its meaning.
I don't want to get off the carriage
anymore
Let me hop on and off
So I can make sense of my own heart

God is giving me some help
God is throwing me a thread
a rope for me to catch
a safe haven to have

I can't really take this
It's draining me! because
I am energy about to burst
All over your body, in pure lust

And I am so afraid, can you feel my pain?
This pent up joy, this pent up crave
I'm so bottled up in desire,
it's driving me nuts
not having you on my bed side

My flat - the place to come alive
I'm too caught up in my own desire
Tell me what's going on in your mind
Tell me all; for it feels like I die

I just want to come, come, come
in your arms!
I miss it so much
But God's throwing light my way
I can't wait; I can't wait

I left a hole in you.
You left a hole in me.
I could walk afterwards,
maybe you never did
Massive explosion
Ghostly still

Tracing back the path
Who won and why?
What forces lied behind?
How does it affect
what happens now

Were we made to last
and did I **** up?

What did you mean for me?
Much less than him
now the rain falls
The mist comes
And I wonder about me, about us

Ramsdale
do you hold the answers?