505

I would not paint—a picture—
I’d rather be the One
Its bright impossibility
To dwell—delicious—on—
And wonder how the fingers feel
Whose rare—celestial—stir—
Evokes so sweet a Torment—
Such sumptuous—Despair—

I would not talk, like Cornets—
I’d rather be the One
Raised softly to the Ceilings—
And out, and easy on—
Through Villages of Ether—
Myself endued Balloon
By but a lip of Metal—
The pier to my Pontoon—

Nor would I be a Poet—
It’s finer—own the Ear—
Enamored—impotent—content—
The License to revere,
A privilege so awful
What would the Dower be,
Had I the Art to stun myself
With Bolts of Melody!

Those sheets
of insecurity
and shame
slipped off me
while you lay
starry eyed
at my naked chest
and as your hands
slip under the
covers
i later find
that there were
other art pieces
you gazed at
when i wasn't around

Maybe
It was the way
Your neon eyes
Lit up in mine
And the world
Glowed a
Kaleidoscope of
Rainbow colours

Maybe
It was being
Wrapped in your
Bronze arms
And feeling so
Very safe
So warm
Next to you

Maybe
It was grey tears
Comforted by your
Soothing voice
That cheers me on
Rubbing out the dull
Rendering me
Sunshine yellow

Maybe
It was being
Called beautiful
Because I was like
Poetry and sunsets
Great towering mountains
Pretty just
Didn't do justice

Maybe
It was our
Midnight phone calls
And feeling like
I could scrape the
Deep blue canvas sky
And twirl amoung
The blinking stars

Maybe
It was all of it
Mixed like
Paint on an
Artists palette
Pinks, reds, oranges,
Spelling out a lone word
Love.

Darkness drapes the night
Cold and thin, with a clear sky
An advent of stars

Stars made from the dust
of bones left from the fabric
of the universe

Universe expands
Dry and brittle marrow falls
Winter pitiless

at first i looked at you with my teeth barred and i hissed. under my breath i spoke, "great. a room mate in treatment. just what i needed."
i spoke but two words to you,
and then you spoke back.
softness, kindness, genuineness in your voice.
and when you laughed, the little snort you did made me smile.
we shared our stories for those two hours.
people stopped by our door and stared in looking at why we were laughing so hard, and then they laughed because we were contagious.
we shared the same issues, and made light of our situations, finding love and comfort through one another.
and when i cried, you swaddled me and fed me words of peace and wisdom.
when it was a hard day we had to ability to place our hands on one another backs and say to the other, "hey, i know today was hard, but I am proud of you." And when she was proud of me, I was proud of me.
I was proud of her.
I was proud of us.
And she was my best friend, and the amount of times we repeated the words, "i love you, i love you, i love you." to one another. Is unimaginable.
But, as all good things do, everything started to fall apart.
Or maybe just I did.
I said things I regretted.
I hurt my best friend. The person who I loved, and in turn hurt myself.
I loved her.
Oh my gosh I loved her. I'm not gay, at least I don't think I'm gay,
but i loved her more than any pulsing, living, breathing thing on this planet and I know they say soul mates have to be romantic but why can't they just be your best friend?!
And when we parted and I didn't get to touch her skin again, it's been what seems like years now, it's as if the winter came early.
A darkness fell upon me and oh it was dark.
Darker than her hair.
Her wardrobe.
Her sense of humor.
And now we rarely talk.
I love when I see your name pop up on my phone, the purple heart emoji next to it, that's my favorite emoji, I use it for the best people.
And I ******* hate it, too.
Because I can't put into words how sorry I am.
How much I miss you.
How much I need you right now.
Maybe I loved you so much because you gave me the feeling of importance that no one else ever did.
I can't put into words that you were exactly what I wanted in my life and now you are gone and I can't get it back.
Although,
maybe I just did.

she said to him…
i love you
    in the quiet of the morning.
i love you
    in the heat of the day.
i love you
    when rain comes without
                                    warning.
i love you
    in every other way…

lay your head down
            on the
                soft of my soul
let wander your mind
                 of beauty and love.
close your eyes my love
     as i whisper breathy kisses
                 into your ear
as the moon shines his
                      caressing light
and the pretty angels
        send butterfly kisses
                 from above.
~

you will never be forgotten.
ever.
your name twisted into metaphors and colors and distractions will forever
be painted across pages and pages of her favorite brand of notebook,
no matter how many she burns
there will always be one she forgot,
and she will only find it once she had almost forgotten you.
she will find the one Papyrus notebook
and all of your metaphors and colors and disractions will come flooding back,
just like how the ocean in your eyes
flooded her heart all those years ago.