she had always said
her favorite color was yellow
for the girl with buttery skin and crystal eyes
it seemed rather fitting
yellow was the color of sunshine
and the color of her hair
after it had been bleached by summer
it was the color of the bumblebees
that drank from her favorite flowers
flowers that now
line her grave

she told you
her favorite color was yellow
because she knew you needed someone
radiant with light
to ease the depth
of your own darkness
so she said
when autumn arrived
you could watch the ground
become littered with yellow leaves
together

when you asked what color
lie beneath her skin
she told you it was yellow
she made herself believe
her body was freckled from stardust
and not from the amber glow
of cigarette burns
she still said
her favorite color was yellow
so she could continue being the light
in your colorless world

soon enough
your favorite color was yellow too
but not for the same reasons
she fell in love with it
you only saw yellow vaguely
in the form of teeth
stained from tobacco and too much coffee
smiling grimly through cracked lips
dripping poisoned honey
you guilded the word ¨love¨
with muted ochre lies

and now
she no longer feels the warmth
that once emanated
from her favorite color
she no longer tastes
the sweetness of butterscotch
and papaya on your lips
for you left her with nothing but
the sour residue of lemons and bile
as your gentle breath
extinguished her golden flames
and reduced her heart to ash

and now
she realizes that bumblebees
can also administer a piercing sting
and as she watches the sunset
with its amber hues
she no longer sees
the color yellow


x.

Cautionary visions visit in viciously vivid fashion
I'm dead and my head is missing
Everyone is laughing
        
                     But me

And the sky is sorta dreary but I don't know
With no eyes you don't see too clearly

      Sew me a new one on,
Attached at the neck
Plastic instead of brittle skin and maybe then
     I can exist in some form above the normally gray and grim

    I pray to a faceless facade
            I made a "God" in my head
An eternal alternative to turn to and blame
   And claim to strangers that he works in mysterious ways
        My lips are chafed from singing unheard praises
  
        I'm tasteless and it has me thinking that maybe my mouth was only a product of my imagination
     Food for thought I chew and stop
           Its too **** hot for contemplation

      Still, I used to think my hands belonged to someone else
     Right up until I used them both to **** myself

He doesn't burn photographs
He doesn't join therapy sessions
He doesn't smoke too many cigarettes
Nor he drown himself into alcohol
He scratches his wounds daily
And never let them heal
He doesn't try to get rid of the pain
Instead he let it grow on him
He waters the seed of sorrow with his tears
He feeds it with the manure of old memories
He takes it to sleep with him
And nurtures it in himself
Till the moment when every single drop of his blood gets replaced by this pain
Until his fragile heart can bear no more
And his soul starts overflowing with emotions
That's when he dip his pen into this pain
And empty his heart on a piece of paper
He bares his soul for us to feel
He creates poetry that the world would cherish for centuries to come

I have loved you since I couldn't even pronounce your name properly
For every breath I have taken on this earth
Since the moment I left the womb
You have been there
I have existed in your existence
Kinship
Blood ties
When someone asked how we were
Our names came together
Like a compliment
As though we were one person
One name with a hyphen
Me before you
Or you before me
But never alone
We belonged together
But now your name has desserted their lips
I come alone
Abandoned
As if you were never here
It feels like you were a ghost
An imaginary friend
Only the pictures prove otherwise
I want to hear the stories
Of how I followed you around
How you always gave in
When I asked you for anything
But you are trapped in memories behind eyes
That play like a movie
Projecting to every shadowed corner of this house
Sometimes I wake up and forget
I imagine I can hear your voice calling me to come to you
Your things are the same
The way you left them
It is us who have changed

I have waited her for so long,
She promised to call here one day,
And my passion enjoyed the waiting play.
I never suspected I’m doing wrong.
In my heart, she shall forever live,
On my hopes, love shall ever thrive;
Her pleasant eyes shall keep me strong,
Wise and with enough stored passion,
Strayed not by time or paled ambition,
I shall meet her where she left,
Wavering between dreams and reality,
I shall touch the waves on her hair,
And kiss her lips as we kissed there,
And rejoice the greatest love’s gift.
O, sweetest promise on paths of ignorance,
Time preens itself in ever spring and glows
With colours of every weather’s ardent rose.
Eating my smiles, my life, and a voiceless chance,
I passed, before a mirror I see my ghost,
A withering figure on that path, gray and lost,
Time ruled, but my love story is the same,
Remains of a lover bides with the same old name.

words
by millions,
collected them,
a life time,
constellations
pinned,
hanged,
winged,
butterfly like.

pick
one by one,
their weight,
their taste.

empty,
every one.
heavy
like round pebbles
on dried creeks.

summoned the night
upon, laid my wings.

rainbows
gave me up.

Yes, I can stay here just like this,
And keep doing this to myself over and over, forever.
Eventually my mind will break.
Eventually I'll lose it and I can stop loving you like this.
Every single word that burns my ears leaves them ringing,
Because each time you do,
I know that's the last time I'll hear it.
Eventually I'll be deaf.  
Then I will stop hearing your song.
Then I can stop loving you like this.
Eventually I'll learn to associate your name with pain,
So that I flinch back at it,
So that I'm scared to come around,
All that will be left is a rainbow over a dead, burnt, empty field, amidst a gray sky,
And I'll wonder why it continues to shine it's colors in the darkness,
So deep light cannot escape it,
Then you will not reach me,
Then I can stop loving you like this.

The town was in chaos, with people running away to places
To escape the dark, haunted beauty of death
The disease spread like a fire, with no one to quench its rage
Killing people on its long run, stealing their breath.

Cries and screams pierced the feared silence
As mothers clutched their child's lifeless bodies
Who knew an epidemic could shatter million dreams in an instant?
For all that was now remaining were fading memories.

There lived an untouchable family- a father, and his daughter in the town
His only valuable possession, the one whom he truly loved
She smiled with her eyes and could never be seen with a frown
She was her father's world, his lovely little dove.

But who could erase his prevailing worries
For his daughter always went out to play?
Who could soothe his tortured mind
Saying that his daughter would return safe and sound by the end of the day?

It was that fateful day, when his dreadful fears came true
Crippling his daughter with the disease that had taken away so many souls
He cried for her lost smiles, he cried for her dull eyes
Will he ever be able to win back his fragile hope?

Nights seemed to drag by, or were those days?
He never could tell, he was always by her side
Cocooned inside the warmth of darkness, he fought to stay awake
But how could he when his daughter was fighting to stay alive?

The girl who used jump and play around
Now lay limp in her bed, her voice slowly growing weaker
She called her father and whispered,
'Papa, all I want is a flower from the holy temple.'

How could he refuse his dying daughter's wish?
But how could an untouchable step his feet into the scared grounds?
But there was no time to hesitate, no time to waste
Gathering his courage, he sneaked in without a sound.

But is life ever sweet?
'Hey you! How dare you enter the temple?' They screamed
Their hate filled voice mingled with the spiritual prayers
Trapping him, as they held him hostage for a week.

He rushed home, fear in his mind and tears in his eyes
Seven days had felt like seven years,
How could they be so cruel? How could they not understand a father's heart?
All he could hear was his daughters screams ringing in his ears.

He slammed open the door, searching for his daughter
She lied there, at the corner, lifeless black eyes stared back at him
He took her in his arms, and cried
That day, along with her, a part of him died.

He lost his love because he was an untouchable
He lost his smile because he was an untouchable
He lost her because he was an untouchable
He lost himself all because he was an untouchable..







An English version of the poem 'एक फूल की चाह' by Siyaram Sharan Gupt