Tell me I mean nothing
tell me you’ve moved on.
Tell me that it’s over
just tell me that you’re gone.

Promise me you hate me
promise me you do.
I promised you forever
I promised I loved you.

Now everything is ruined
now things have gone amiss.
Now I need you more than ever
now that you stole me with a kiss.

it was like you were the drug and i was the addict
every second without you i was itching for more
for your hands on my skin, lips on my lips
our secret getaways behind an always closed door
you said i was yours, and that you really cared
your lips washed away every doubt i ever had
feeling your hand on my bare skin
made my mind hazy, but it was never bad
heated hours and whispers in my ear
sneaking kisses during class, i was your secret
holding hands when no one was watching
i really loved you, but i was your pet

I sat alone in the darkness
as the sky began to weep
the stars brilliant in the void
as the sadness lulls me to sleep

I never said why I care so much
I only told you repeatedly that I do
I never needed to explain myself
I only needed to say 'I love you'

I was willing to give you everything
my body, my freedom, my heart
cause I knew the pain you felt
as I saw you slowly falling apart

the first thing I noticed was your eyes
it wasn't easy to remove my gaze
dark and mysterious and beautifully cold
alluring, daring, drawing me in

the next thing I wanted was you lips
it wasn't like I knew you'd kiss me
deeply and gently and passionately
teasing, caressing, pulling me close

the last thing I knew I was falling
it wasn't how they say you'll fall
hard and fast and painfully pitiful
stumbling, tripping, falling for you

~feelings, emotions, thoughts; it's better when they're on paper than in me

controlling, devouring, killing; it's better where no one else can ever see

longing, needing, begging; don't ever let them know that you really care

degrading, using, misleading; don't ever let them in on what's really there~

I saw him there and instantly knew
there were so many things I couldn't do
he wasn't mine and I wasn't his
but it wouldn't hurt if it was one little kiss
using his hands and me using mine
it was just a way to simply pass the time
he held me from behind and I fell
his lips on my neck, I was in a spell
I wanted him; his body, his soul
getting him in bed is my ultimate goal
I wasn't planning on falling, not at all
and it wasn't the way I pictured I'd fall
but here I am writing and there you are reading
just to let you know it's your touch I'm needing

i thought that destroying myself
was the way to save you from who i am inside
but it turns out, harming me
destroyed you more than i ever managed to hurt myself

maybe if i had hid it from you better
you never would have seen the scars and cried
youd have never heard me puking
i destroyed myself, but you are a part of me

this past summer he took it from me
i didn't even realize it was something i wanted to lose
it was nothing like what i read in books
because i know those characters did not bruise
he was so sweet before i agreed to it
i genuinely thought the he cared for me
but i guess he just played me like i tried to play him
he promised it would help set me free
so i lost it, i gave into his sweet words
his purring and alluring speeches
in school they make you swear to say no
what to do when you say yes, is something no one teaches
so he took it because i let him
and i did not even begin to cry
it's not like he stole it from me
but thinking he would return it, that's a lie

ex

     im sure weve all got one

     *ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend

     ex husband, ex wife

ex

     so much pain in just one word

     so much loss and so many tears

     im sure youve wished to end your life



ex

     there are stories and laughs

     that you remember from them

     but theres no going back

ex

     you can use ex for all you once had and lost

     ex happiness, ex joy, ex future

     without them, theres always something youll lack

he told me those were my best feature
that no matter what, he always was lost in them
"theyre like a beautiful murky pond"
           he said that to me once and i punched his arm.

i didn't think a friendship would really ever end
but i never thought he would love me
"let me show what its like to be treated right"
         he said that and i was speechless and in shock.

we were best friends for a little over a year
at one point hed seen my heart broken 4 times
"why don't you ever date a decent guy"
       he said that while i cried into his shoulder for hours.

this guy, my best friend, he meant the world to me
one moment we were planning our future
"our kids will be best friends"
     he said that, and i really believed him.

then i started dating another bad guy
and he was so mad at me, again...
"i cant believe youre doing this, him or me?"
    he said that, and it was then that i walked away.

my eyes, theyre not that special, i see that now
but they are the gateway to the soul and mine is black, like my eyes
"so this is really it? were over?"
     he said this, and i nodded, never turning around.

i see you smile at me from across the room
our eyes play a friendly game of hide and seek
i go over the pros and cons of a polite introduction
because your grin has made me weak
it seems that in this the good out weighs the bad
so i goofily saunter over and you wink
i am utterly baffled at your face up close
and it was suddenly hard for me to think
it seems so casual to talk to you like im not terrified
and i even laugh a little when you ask me to dance
im still waiting for you to up and leave
because i simply refuse to believe in romance.