seeds lie barren
on the hardpan
of a soul craving

seek absolution
on scarred knees
search for bliss
in the brief bloom
after sparse rain
believe these offerings
are not in vain

seeds lie dormant
awaiting
grace

Im finally ready to talk about my mom
Now that I feel this numb
she died half a decade ago
and I loved a woman half a decade ago
When I was playing video games on the couch
on the corner imagine of that L shaped green couch
and I slowly realized out of the corner of my mind
more out of the corner of my consciousness
that my mother was dead
laying right next to me
Cold unresponsive and unbreathing
It was now looking back on it
a direct parallel to at least two different moments in my life
When my brother died and I stood outside my mothers bed
barely gathering the courage to wake her
often crushing eternities of silence keeping me from prodding her
from daring to say her name much after
I dont remember when she did awoke
I dont remember her unbearable fear
or the wanton panic in her eyes
but I remember my own
Oh I remember my own and
I kept her just out of sight of cognizance
Before moms funeral
the latter correspondent showed
I had *** with a lie
a lie I knew well
But I kept it just out of sight
No just at the edge of my mind
The drive home
with her brother in the back seat
and my *** deep inside her
fertile cheating womb
My Dark Twisted Fantasy
Bent right around me
I dont remember what I said
Panicking
I couldnt look her in the eye
Id only see myself
And I have to keep her out of sight
just on the line
to where maybe I didnt get here at all
maybe not me but another me
isnt experiencing this reality at all
shock they call it i think
fear
coping
dissociation
compartmentalizing
the trauma
the oh not me
I sat there for how long
playing a game I did not remember
as it was going on around me
my mind was already bleaching
forget forget fade to black
and still she laid there
not breathing
covered in her own blood and mucus
in a position that was disgustingly revealing
till they came
and took her carcass away
and I held someone
some family member or friend or some such
not even blinking and her
just out of sight
just out of thinking
until she left
and my weakness unyielding
exited too
only cold reality now reaching

The epilogue
of this ugly selfish poem
isnt all that revealing
not like before
not like after
I havent been able to form a real relationship
even at twenty three
I maybe came close but
Ive realized im very much a broken being
there was some sort of lesson
or personal growth
some sort of fundamental strength or courage
that was supposed to be found in hope
theres supposed to be a happy ending
a someone special waiting for me
no its not whats on tv
its all my sanity can dream
yet i cant share or feel
these dark deathly thoughts
i cannot even risk now
being rejected instead of
alone in my haught
oh ill only look
in the dark corners of the web
and ill only take and ill never give
i dont know where else to look
i never really did
and i have no moral compass to guide
only my experiences now to abide
so the epilogue is simple now:
Maybe I'll see you one day,
Around the corners of these ugly selfish words.

electric tingle travels spinally
and I exhale a breath 17 years held
double dose gel cap
freed again through LSD ~

vibrating with bass drops
howling without control
fixated on raindrops sliding
along glass
behind the pane
wet leaves tremble /

furrows of worry smooth
deep inhalation
and memories of peaceful transgression
replace twitching eye lid
and monetary concern ~

having forgotten my old self
what a pleasure it is to see me
again /

Mine Jane, to whom do I compareth thee?
To the moon's, sunset's, star's; ancient sea's?
Thou art the rose of the Philippines, the heat
To mine *****. O' mine woman, thou art the
Divine, the release of dopamine in mine
Dismayed mind; thou art so fine mine dear,
In every calendar season. With thee I laugh
With none questions nor reason's, thy
Countenance is of the ethereal race;
O' dearest, mine pet, one day ourn heart's
Shalt beat in one stage. Darkness shalt be
Trampled under ourn wild toes,
Singing song's, speaking hymn's
Saints do only know. Mayest
Ourn caru grow, mayest god
Bless ourn love, elated
by eachother's word's
Of hope, babes of the
Same yolk; apparition's
Of the same cloak,
Vibrant in color.

©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl jane Nagley, (àgapi mou) dedication

i.

O' daughter of God
Queen of faraway
Azure; embraced
tis I am by thy
Love, Into
Heaven
Is thy
Door.

©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl jane Nagley

"My king"
Ohh my precious king,
How I hunger for your touch,
How I long for your fingers brushing through my hair til I fall asleep, How I long to hold your hands and hold it tight,
I will never let you go,
How I long to engulf you,
Feel your heartbeat as I lay my head on your chest,
Lift my head and look at you,
Looking at each other's eyes,
Be in trance, Ohhh how wondrous!
And I will go near you and will kiss you,
Ohh i will kiss you for eternity my love,
I will never stop, Your breath will be my air and as mine to you,
Ohh my king I will never ever let any time to be in waste,
I will indulge every single second with you,
I will cherish it and memorize every time I spend with you,
And every night in my sleep, I will replay those memories and savor it, i don't want the time to go on,
I want it to stop and just enjoy every moment with you forevermore.

Ohh my precious king,
Can you feel my deep yearning?
Ohh how my pillow wet from my tears of missing you, i desire you, I miss your voice,
Your voice is my music,
I miss your laugh,
Your laugh is my sunshine,
You lighten up my life,
I miss your songs,
Your songs are my nourishment,
You always fill me with your love,
My empty cup runs over with your love,
I miss looking at your angelic face,
I miss YOU, YOU!
How I really ache to be beside you,
No more video chatting, no more phone calls, no more voice clips, no more singing songs over internet, no more technologies,
Ohhh i just wanna enjoy you,
Be alone in a forest,
Enjoy the wonderful nature our God has given us,
Live a simple life with you,
Away from all troubles,
I WANNA BE WITH YOU!
I only want to be with you!
I need to be with you!
I never dreamed life without you,
You are my life,
My future,
I can't go on with my life without you.
I can't, i just can't !

My brandon,
Soon when I see you,
Even before you ask me I will say "I do",
I want us to have God's heavenly seal,
A bond infrangible,
I wanna spend my entire life with you,
And for eternity in that heavenly realm,
I wanna serve God with you,
I wanna be a godly woman for you,
I wanna enjoy my life with you,
With God as our guide and refuge,
Ohh my king,
No words can express how I long to be only just with you,
Only YOU,
You are my life,
My breath,
My very best friend,
My soulmate,
My preordained,
My husband,
My ALL.
You are to me.
Ohh how i yearn for you,
This throe is so hard to bear,
But I will my love,
Because only you are there in my future,
Only you in my dream,
I will certainly & patiently wait til God's perfect time.
'Cause you are my only love, my chosen one,
And I want you, I need you, I long for you, and I love you.

"Mine queen"
"Mine Reyna, O' darling Reyna,
As the sun doth ariseth in the east
And set in the west; thy heart wilt
Be in mine palm's, as a baby in caress.
Best of amour, the best is yet, for when
We meet, ourn lip's wilt be wet.
Wet with kisses of the morning
Celestial dew, O' heaven's much
Better, when it's thee with me;
I with thou to. Queen how I long
The approaching hour, when we
Shalt be warmed by Glowing
Angel's within their hand's-
Testimonies of God and his
Unending love, and his throne
Of power. In pearl attire, view of the mountain's
Unknown, mine lass, mine lady, I shalt embrace thy
Lonesome bones. None earphones needed, for we'll heareth
All to hear, we'll seeith creatures only the creator's aware, of the majestic being's of beauty. Hold me, closer mine Jane; lock me up into your Filipino rose Bud's, I want to drink of thine love, I want to taste thy nectar's touch. Mine chosen meed, thy hair of satin wilt I smell it's world to breathe. In and out I fulfill the seed's of prophecy, in ancient manner. Across ourn foreheads Yahweh's name, inside ourn spirit's the word's the same. The word's to read "preordained", unafraid to a venture new. Coconut queen of tribal moves, baby flower of romantic brew. O' indeed I needeth thee, just come closer and be, as one we art. We shalt giggle in streams wherein the night is nought, love can't be bought, nor sold in form, love is god, god is love; with one another, we shalt overcome. Seraph's, cherub's, and messenger's surround us. For we art preordained, O' with thee I'm verily blessed. O' with thee Jane mine love, I've been given the best.


©Brandon Nagley\earl Jane Nagley duo poem for eleven month anniversary....
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Duo poem

I once held stars in my lungs but I burnt them all out with cigarettes
as I tried to rid your name from my lips

I had the moon on the tip of my tongue when I whispered love in twilight affection
But that **** tided heart of yours shifted again and now all that hangs in my mouth are evasive words and the sickening taste of the seas' breeze.

That garden you grew in my stomach died when your sunlight no longer reached my skin
The butterflies you gave me shriveled with it.

The ***** I choke down doesn't rid me of those memories
Every night I spent with you was a threat to abandon my morals;
Go back on your word and cut the sky from my veins.
You kissed every cloud from my wrist to my sundered ankles.

You once traced constellations on my chest and with a single breath they shown brighter
They too burnt out when your words were no longer for me and I hurt even a little more

The ones etched in my swallowed pulse cried as they spiraled from our little piece of the galaxy
I watched them go lonely and lost when they traveled south into my pity-shaken excuse of a soul.

When I smiled and you'd look away.
It haunted me until I stopped sleeping
It was at that moment I had realized I fell for you like Icarus had the sun.

You burnt me and I melted until there was nothing left.
I was reckless with pride as you fed me slanted promises
I'll put good use to the knife you left in my spine

My throat burns more with every drink,
This liquor can't rinse my soul the way I'd like you to
But I'd rather remember you as my favorite sorrow than the love who left this fruitless heart.