Alas… i am broken
I am insecure
I am clingy and needy
I am self destructive
I lack a will to live
I am damaged goods…
And one person is to blame
-i blame you-

“I love you”
   “You benefit me right now”
“I love you”
   “You are a nice distraction from my own brain”
“I love you”
   “My girlfriend and i are fighting”
“I love you”
  "I will yell at you when you are wrong"
I guess love means something different to everyone?

You are toxic
You are unstable
You drag me down
But for years that's the only way I saw my life turning out

"I'm really good at reading people"
Oh yeah? Can you tell when people fake smile?
"Yeah its all about the eyes"
      -i guess you never looked at mine

I've been thinking through every aspect of us
Thinking of everything I could have done differently
Every kiss, every hug, every touch
I should've done it more? Maybe less?

Should I have told you I loved you more? Less?
You say it is not my fault but I can not help but wonder
Is there something I could have done?
Something to make you stay?

And when the late night phone calls
Stopped
I knew it was over
Long before
The words came out of your mouth

I say I don't like you
         Try to convince myself the feelings are gone
Pretend to be okay with all of this

         Then I watch you run
Your fingers through your hair
         And my heart drops

Sometimes i wish..
"Wish what?"
I wish that I was interesting enough to make you stay. Make you want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you. I just wish I could make you care about me like I care about you.
I just wish I was ******* enough.

-i wrote this a month before you declared your independence

You are so secure, and you take
Advantage of that security, making me
Even more insecure. You aren't scared that
Maybe I’lll realize how well off I
Could be without you… because you
Know how utterly and entirely I have fallen
For your stupid smile and your pretty eyes
You pretend, but don't feel it
And I could easily just leave, making it easier on myself
But I won’t
Because
I ******* love you

Love was setting myself on fire
because you couldn't see

Love was drowning
so you didn't have to learn to swim

Love was tearing out my heart
because someone else broke yours

Love was sacrificing everything
so you didn't have to sacrifice anything

I always thought you would come back to me
Like you always did
After every girl would break your heart, or you theirs
You'd call me up
And I'd welcome you with open arms

I always thought you would come back to me
Once you broke up
But when 6 months past and I never got a call
I realized it wasn't coming
But I still hoped for that call every night and every day

I always thought that you'd come back to me
But apparently
You aren't coming back this time