I was here for three years now,
But it feels like a decade.
This place is filled of pity,
Flaws,
Insecurities,
Lies,
And a trapped little girl;
Her heart and mind are her only cell mates,
While her emotions are the officers who held her captive.

One day she got out,
And she felt free,
With her heart and mind,
Hand in hand,
She didn't want to go back to that cold, dark place,
Where no one understood her;
Free.

But sadly once a week that little girl goes back to that cold, dark place,
Its not her fault,
People laugh at her in the real world too.
The prison is no different.
At least she isn't judged there,
Cause no one knows how she feels on the inside.


                                                                                     Jonesy 2016 ©

I met with a Man with a gun
and the gun defined Man so much

He had a trigger finger
and a bright shiny holster

We started to argue with respect
but in the end

He pulled out his gun
and shot me dead.

you can sell me coffee or tequila
a big cigar or a pack of cigarettes

*** and its consequences
a family life and a family saloon

tell me everything will work out fine
or all is lost never to return

give me a free coffin when I buy that plot of land
the one in the churchyard next the sea

make me believe in reincarnation
I was a butterfly once

but in the end I will wish I drank one more tequila
and one more coffee to revive my numbed out mind.

Sorry I hurt you,
That was my bad,
I was experimenting on your feelings,
I wasn't thinking straight,
I'm sorry I complicate you,
I'm sorry that I am awkward,
And not very confident,
Guess that's why guys come after us.
Sorry that i can't express myself properly,
I guess I'm afraid of opening up and being hurt again.

But I accept the pain,
I'll even take the blame,
You did warn me things will fly...south,
Yet you loved me all the same.

I'm sorry that i don't give you the time you deserve,
And address the pain
Instead of giving myself false hope.

I'm sorry I have so many insecurities,
And not a very strong personality to cover for it.

I'm sorry that i put everyone first but you,
That i cry every day,
That i wish we were like those girls;
Pretty,
Have Guys running after them,
They aren't awkward like us.

I'm sorry I feel helpless all the time,
ThatI never talk to you,
That I'm so shy.

I'm sorry that some girls are jealous of me,
And think I have it all,
I don't know why they think that,
Beauty is on the inside,
Only tears,cuts and bruises are in there.

I'm sorry that I am so emotional,
That i am hurt,
That's my fault.


I'm sorry that I don't love you enough,
That I bury all the pain and you alongside it.

I'm sorry that I am so fake,
Smile,
My fixed expression through pain and sorrow,
I hope for the best while expecting the worst.

I'm sorry that i try to fight for everything,
But I can't even help myself.


                              Jonesy 2016 ©

Who am i?
It a question that stumps me all the time,
I am a girl..........i know that much i think
Sometimes i am sweet, other times bitter as lime.

I believe i am sane,
I mean insane,
Honestly, Its all the same.
But who am i?

I am mistreated because i am not like others,
I am different they say,
What's wrong with that?
Isn't that a good thing?
I don't know i guess we must all be the same in every way.
I might be that one rare black rose stuck in the thorns that no one bothers to touch because its too much work to get it out,
But i hope i am special too,
Who am i?


A girl going through identity crisis,
Her emotions shattered like broken pieces,
There's no dry places left to cry,
Who am i?  

                                                               ­                                  Jonesy 2016©

Time to get up
Make the bed
Let some sun shine through a window
Make some coffee
Take a shower as Taylor Swift plays on the stereo
Put on some jeans
Comb my hair
Put some lipstick on my lips
Read a chapter from a novel then run some errands
so my breakfast doesn't stick to my hips
Buy some groceries
Put them away
Write some poems until the boyfriend comes home
Wash some dishes
Watch a movie
Do anything that distracts me from feeling alone
Eat dinner
Have some wine
Cuddle and kiss babe on the couch
Eat some ice cream wearing nothing but his t-shirt
while I laugh to the point my cheeks hurt
It's 11:00 pm now
Time for bed
I lie down as his arms wrap around me
I let myself drift away
praying I don't get woken up by my anxiety

I don't want to get up today
Why make the bed when I know I will just mess it up later?
I just want to stay in the dark because I don't want the world to see me
COFFEE! I NEED COFFEE NOW!
I hope my shower washes away all of the uncomfortable feelings I am feeling right now
Taylor Swift always makes everything better
These jeans make my *** look big
My hair is so frizzy I wish I looked cute bald
Lipstick doesn't cure ugly but I can dream right?
I wish I could physically jump into the book I am currently reading
I don't want to go outside
I feel sick
This grocery store is making me claustrophobic
I can't figure out where anything goes
My head is full of chaos
WRITING HELPS!
I can't wait until my boyfriend comes home from work
Doing the dishes is so therapeutic
SERIOUSLY! IT'S THE BEST PART OF THE MOVIE DO I NEED TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK NOW!!!????
I can't sit still
Something is wrong
I wonder if he thinks I'm fat
I need to eat slow
I hope this wine doesn't turn me into an alcoholic
I wonder if I annoy my boyfriend
I feel so **** and fat at the same time
WHY CAN'T I JUST ENJOY THIS ICE CREAM?!
It feels so good to laugh
Don't stop
BEDTIME! I'M DRAINED!
I wonder if he wants to break up with me
I can't sleep
Anxiety won't let me

As the sun shines,
All of creation rejoice.
As the trees sway,
All of its residents sing and tweet in harmony.

As the rivers flow in tranquility,
All of the sea creatures swim in their beauty,
As the coral reefs provide a shelter,
A home,
For the creatures of the deep.

For Mother nature is one of the greatest gifts,
The trees, the animals, the open ocean,
Are all hers,
But yet she doesn't use them to abuse us,
Instead she lets us observe them,
Admire them,
And yet we still
destroy them.

                                    Jonesy 2016 ©

I promise to cherish you,
To treat you right,
To cherish your presence like it was your last gift to me,
To consider your feelings in everything I do,
To make you believe that you chose the right person to confide in.

Dear future love,
I will always try my best to be there when you need me the most,
I will be the light that brightens your days,
I will be that shoulder to cry on, on your rainy days,
I'll be that rare exotic black rose in your bouquet of pink roses;
I'll love you.

                                                        
                                                                ­                    Jonesy 2016 ©

I am not afraid to say,
I cry every night,
To make my pain go away,
And even though I try not to with all my might,
its a ritual I perform every day.

I am not afraid to tell you,
That I can be confusing,
Its not my fault I swear,
But I do try my best to explain,
But my emotions just go through one ear.

I am not afraid to tell you,
I have insecurities,
People tell me every day I am attractive but they see my clothes and my body.

I am not afraid to tell you,
That the world is a dangerous place,
Physically and mentally,
I know we can save it,
But we needn't be afraid.

                      Jonesy 2016©

Every time I wake up I feel phenomenal,
Like the rarest of the rare,
I feel like I can save the world,
If I put my mind to it,
I know superman ain't got nothing on me.

They say the mind is a powerful thing,
Once we use it we can break the walls and surpass the sky,
So I guess that's why they blindfold us.
I knew I was born an Einstein,
But they used education to limit us.
But still Superman ain't got nothing on me.

I know I am mighty, strong,
Never go down without a fight.
Confidence level so-so,
World I hope you are ready,
Someone is coming,
Someone who can break the boundaries,
Surpass the stars,
No,
I am not Superman,
But I can be superhuman.

    
                  Jonesy 2016 ©