Gloom as thick as Karo syrup drips from a sunless morning.
Despairing winds blow hopeless dust in swirls
That stick to it and function as a dimmer.

The sound of heartbreak echos in the empty air,
As other lives roll by on leaden tires and disappear
Into the darkness of my outer limits,
Making shadows that would glisten if there was a sun.

Someone took a potshot at the sky and it went out,
And shows no sign of ever coming back.

Music is what’s called for - only that can lift a mood-
But it lies shattered on the parquet floor;
It’s only sounds a whimper and a moan.

Comfort food calls 911 to order Mac ’N Cheese
While the stash of year-old beer is suddenly appealing.

The only way to save this day is **** it
And pray for resurrection on the  morrow
When wings of hope will fly
And bring the tiny olive branches
Of a new beginning.
                  ljm

staring at pictures of you
because i love your eyelashes
and your heavy eyes.
you look so sickly,
and tired,
but that's okay,
so am i.

we are magnetic stars
spiraling through the cold ocean of space.
colliding, my lungs fill with ink
joining frail hand in hand,
meeting softly,
sharing an oxygen tank.

our bedroom walls are the same,
our hearts: the same frame
your crooked teeth
and my awkward smile
almost— fit perfectly.

If the world fell apart,
Would we have made it this far,
If things were done different,
Would you still be in my arms?

I exposed myself for you,
Just to feel my old scars,
I guess nothing has changed,
You're still a friend of the dark.

If the skies faded to red,
While I lay there and bled,
Would you treat me as your enemy,
Walk away to leave me for dead?

you had made this bed too quickly,
not realizing the sheets weren't fitted
and the blankets were tangled around our limbs.
you were so used to lying in it,
you didn't know how to be honest.

don't reach for me with hands
stained from the ink you used to rewrite your stories.
don't speak to me with words
that should have rotted out your teeth.
don't look at me with eyes
that I once saw my happiness in.

I will not play nice.
I will not worship
the storm that destroyed my home.

in the future,
my life will be so full of love,
you won't be able to look beyond it.
I hope it leaves you blind,
so you will never see the person I'll become
without you.

The sun explodes into a thousand pieces and whispers thousands of impossible dreams into my ear. I hear your laugh in the traffic and see your eyes in the stoplight. All at once I am hit with a thousand memories of everything we were and everything we could be.  Your messy hair in my comb and a picture of you is still framed. Frames mean permanence.

At the party my eyes wander for your missing face at the party. I faintly feel your arm on my shoulder and lips on my forehead kissing me goodnight.

The moon comes over me and I feel the cold run through my skin. There is lipstick on my teeth and my brain is foggy from last night. My head is pounding and foggy from last night.  God, what happened last night? Did I do something stupid?

You're gone and the car behind me has honked me for the third time now. My tiny blue civic lurches past main street and the lights reflect in the mirrors. I check the time on my phone. No messages, but thousands of updates on my feed.

2:54 a.m.

Sometimes, when I
talk to the ex,
I feel strong
as a rope.
Nothing she says
or does fazes me.
I guard my emotions
and keep the
conversation strictly
about the kids, and
how we can better
co-parent.

Other times, when
we talk,
I feel like
Humpty Dumpty
teetering on a brick
wall.
Her cruel words
are like strong
gusts of wind
sending me to the
cold hard ground
in a thousand pieces.

On days like these
I berate myself,
"What the ****
Is wrong with you?
Why did you
let
her in again?
Her heart is
small and
diseased."

I fell in
love with
hope
and a
false image.
When I saw
reality
It was
like
finding a
snake in my
bed.

I haven't wrote in a while and my words fell silent
But the war in my head still remains violent
I've changed so much and come a long way
Pushing through day by day
I've missed these poems, they kept me sane
These poems I write take away the pain

Mum says “light a candle, burn some incense”
but mum my inner sense is the only thing stopping me from burning myself to the ground because I can’t stand the light anymore.

Nan says “your'e too bright to be depressed”
but the bright sparks that flicker of a memory that is dark, and the flame only reminds me that everybody I love is someday gonna die.
But mum..... nan...... i’m not afraid of the dark, that’s the problem.

It’s hard to have fun when i don't feel like having fun.
Don’t get me wrong it’s not that i don’t want to go to the party,
I WANT to go to the party,
but i’m stuck in an abusive relationship with depression and anxiety and they talk me out of going.
Cancel plans last minute, making up a physical illness,
because "sorry I'm too depressed to see u" sounds utterly ridiculous.