Desires unlimited, invisible hues spiraling up into the shrouded sky
Ringing in my ears a brimming sense of hope
Enveloping my heart as it swelled, pumping
Adrenaline through my blood. Eyes tracing the invisible trajectory skywards
"May my wishes be realised." A prayer whispered
Soft like a baby's breath, soft like the landing of an autumn leaf.

Lingering in the air was an acrid stench of Impatience.
Ears straining to hear the resounding boom which should have followed, eyes frantically searching for the vibrant colours which should have followed. Yet, it was just
Silence.

Retreating, surrendering, it doesn't matter which came first.
Energy sapped and knees scraped, the monotone of each day resumed.
Agreed, my heart still skips whenever a flicker of hue shines through the blinds. Yet,
Left behind were the days when I would abandon my demons to chase the
Intangible bright lights.
Thrown behind were the days when new scents would make me dance in the rain.

Yesterday, I slept while diamonds lit up the sky.

love was walking together in the rainside by side
sharing an umbrella as the strong winds
threatened to tear the umbrella apart

love was you holding my hand not letting go

love was walking together, matching our footsteps
waltzing across puddles of water
with wet shoulders and laughter and squeals

love was the little carefree moments that I shared with you

Your eyes are the colour of the starry night sky; I close my eyes watching the
Fireworks of phosphenes
And in my vision I see your cold blue stare: warm, friendly, loving.
Too warm, too friendly, too loving.
My hands reached forth meeting a blistering nothing.
Our palms are two halves meant to be one, fingers intertwined and locked
Yet locked is your heart to which a key I have not.

My heart raced while watching you from afar
A spark ignited and soared into the black sky.
Exploding, it lit up the dark night and showered me with your warmth and fire
One I enveloped and was blinded by; I could not see the light
Fade into the stark starless nothingness
Instead, all I saw was you (and the life I wanted with you)

Countless, fruitless attempts of baring my soul to you made me question
Perhaps Cupid misfired, made me askew, and still I yearn for you.
I am afraid, you know. Yet, a sliver of light slipped between the crack of the closet door
Do I grasp it or do I leave the light be?
(laughs) Forgive me. To be or not to be, wasn't the crux, was it?

Staring at you from across the room, I've come to realize
Hard truths never fail to fall even the strongest—you only have eyes for Others
Cause after all, norms are meant to be adhered to
And the sky is never always a clear blue. Fireworks don't last forever,
Do they?
In the darkness I stand watching them fade. I clutch at my heart, fire ablaze. It shall stay ablaze

For all eternity.

The stars shine quiet in the night sky
Flickering, in the dark
Tonight I wish upon one shining so
Bright
Praying, in my heart
One day when the stars align
I will be yours, and you will be mine
We will not be lost
At night

I was watching the sunset a moment ago
I was watching the sun’s red fade into a grey blue
I didn’t get chills, there were no tears
It was a calm in my heart
Mixed with a little sense of relief
The fire receded into the rhythmic lapping of waves, after waves, after waves
I was watching you fade from view
Fading into blue, fading into blue.

This is me swallowing my fears
Hands trembling as I carve deeply
Words which hide my feelings
Like clouds shielding the sun.

This is me saying goodbye to you
Breath hitching as ink spills
From my heart down my wrist
And into the word adieu.

This is me walking away
Turning the clock a decade in my head
Altering memories of smiles and laughter
Into barren land and greys.

This is me standing in front of you
As I bid you adieu.

Running after you
Is like chasing after clouds,
But still I run
Because it’s the clouds which give me rain;
Rain that is refreshing from the scorching sun,
Rain which is my lullaby on nights when I can’t sleep.
And it’s these clouds which are made of the water from earth;
The water which gives life, rejuvenating, reviving.
Even if I can’t reach you,
Even if I’m down here and you’re up there,
I chase after you.
Even if I can’t reach you,
Even if I can’t ever reach you,
I want to be near you.
Because you, my cloud, give me life
And being near you is enough.

(The sun is somewhat dimmed, as though I'm looking through a film.)

Losing myself in the crinkles of your eyes
As you smile carelessly into the camera
I remember
The way you scrunch your nose a little
The way your lips remind me of cherry blossoms

(It's a little cold here. The temperature is falling.)

Even as I lay in bed shivering and battling my fever
I remember the nights you wished you were here
The nights you work as a bartender, carelessly picking up girls over the counter
Do you serve them all poisoned holy grails?

(A hollow whirring. That's the sound I hear when my ears are blocked.)

Your favorite song plays in the background
I remember
When you said my voice was soothing
When you said I meant something
Ed Sheeran probably didn't mean it
But now I cringe with every note of his

(The brightness before me is blurring. Are those my tears or is it just the water?)

It was beautiful, really
But pink sakura petals do not bloom in this region
Even the colour pink is distressing to me
Since we matched in winter through spring

(You nicked my heartstrings. How do I mend it?)*

I find you in all the little things
Cigarettes, temples, business trips, huskies,
Harry Potter, Radler, Netherlands, salmon,
Macaroons, banana man, an 18 grand television

Round and round, the second hand runs on the face
The sun goes down and down, signing off the days
Round and round, you're running in my head
I go down and down till I reach the seabed

Exhilaration floods through me as I emerge from my cocoon
Spreading my wings
Extending my new body features
Taking flight for the very first time

Through the winds I fly
Into the clouds I soar
From the rain I hide
The flower bed is my dance floor

I twirl, I flutter above the crocuses
The blue and violet outstanding in the green field
But it’s not them that caught my attention
You caught my eye

I twirl,
I flutter,
I swirl, I flutter—
I’m trapped in white

Into the winds I cry
From clouds I fall
In the rain I lie
I don’t visit the flower bed
Anymore

You stole my heart
You control my heart
Your smiles, your tears, hold my limbs against the white sticky strands
I can’t move, I can’t escape
My heart beats for you
My heart is only for you

My smiles, my tears, for myself to see
My life is in your hands
My freedom is in your hands

The blistering heat is you
The chilly wind is you
You are the angel’s temptation
I am the one with wings chained

The fire is you
The storm is you
You are the devil who spins the web
I am the one awaiting death

Into the wind I cry, I cry for the last bit of hope I’m holding on to
In the rain I lie, I embrace the beautiful dream we had
You are the one who spins the web, cunning and charismatic
I am the one trapped in the web, destroyed yet
Drunk in love

You left fingerprints
on my face
You left lip prints
on my lips
You left warmth
around my waist,
a meaning to my days.

And you also left
a wound in my chest
tear stains on my cheeks
bruises in my mind
a scar for life.

I picked up a pencil
the familiar woody scent
the tip sharp and blunt
just right.

I took out my sketch pad
the surface of the slightly yellow parchment
smooth and rough
just right.

I held the 2B pencil
(a gift with my name imprinted on it)
focused my mind on the subject
took a small shaky breath
and glided the graphite over paper.

A line was drawn.
It stood out in the middle of the paper
like how the bride stood out to the groom amongst the rest of the women on earth on the wedding day
like how a bloodstain stood out on the walls of a sterile hospital ward
like how I stood out from the crowd
like how you stood out from the crowd.

"Love“: A feeling defined time and time again till no one is quite sure what it really means.

Yet, when you who stood out from the crowd looked at me
just right
I knew right then and there
I am the sketch pad
and you are the pencil
and the line drawn over my chest is not a straight one.
It is a series of ups and downs soaring to the sky and
plunging deep into the ground and repeating that cycle till the last breath escapes my mouth.
It is the pulse I see and feel
the pulse in my blood and in the air
which I will soon define it as “Love“.

I look up into the sky
and make a wish
How long will it last?
How long more do I have to wait?
How many more nights do I have to spend thinking
before I give up on this pointless something?
I look up into the sky
and make a wish
on the star that was long dead
just like that nothing.