Will I fall or will I fly ..
I make my decisions with myself in mind
Cross my heart and hope to die
Fullfil my soul is whats in mind

How old are you ?
Is what the lady at the bar said to me
As I argued with her about integrity
Life and repeated history

How old are you, she said to me
Im 22, yea and I'm that aware and that blue.

How old are you the lady at work said to me
As I explained to her how decisions are merly destiny
How people are repeatitions of what was done to them
And how I shouldn't look like what they think I should look like to impress them
Im 23 and it took a while to love myself
I still don't like it sometimes, but I remind myself

How old are you??
The psycologist said to me
As I told him why and how my brain and emotions tangled up and untangled
How I was merly dating to relay on someone for free and that it wasn't right for either him or me.
I explained to him the exact reasons for anxiety
And how I need control cause I was scared by chios in my family
And how a panic attack can be cured mentally
And how I don't want his pills cause I've seen what it has done to others and I have empathy

I said I'm 23
I'm 23
And why does this scenario keep happening to me

He said you're on the right path
Aware and righteous
Keep it up and you'll see


But I wasn't any different and I still wasnt okay
So how could you say that to me

I dont know if I know better
And that's why you're impressed
But even if I did I dont think I do better
And knowing is not a bliss
Ignorance might be
But I can't know that for sure
Cause I can only truly experience life through me
 
So will I fly or will I fall
I  dont know
But I crossed my heart and promised myself to take control
Cause no one has you but you
And when you die what did you do for you ?

So I'm sorry that I left you
I'm sorry that I dont answer texts
I'm sorry that I went out that night
Even though I knew you were a mess
I'm sorry that I wasn't truly there in you're last days
Even though I knew you needed what you needed
But I couldn't give.  
And now you're in heaven's bliss

I make my decisions with myself in mind
And I'm not here to impress
I'm here to survive
And I've learned from the best
That no one has got you but you
So do what you got to do
Before it's too late.

not very fast
       yet moved past
                the scene was lost

                       wrong decision
                                off was the season
                                         the heart got incision

                                          the blind turns
                                 some heart burns
                        no one returns

                       the lonely road
            the heart explode
the memories overload

the soul yearns
          the wound burns
                     the traveler learns!

                      the road bends
                                the broken mends
                                         and the trip ends!

And so I leave this place of old,
Nothing makes me stay no memory i can hold.

No bars to hold me in a lonely shack,
No reason to hesitate and ever look back.

No hand to hold to sway the makings of my mind,
No love to return, only emptiness i can find.

But i leave with one last glance looking at the sun,
Thinking of all the moments i had fun.

I listen to one last song to ease my sorrow,
I listen hard and think of things that might come to follow.

And so i greet the doors of my departure,
Onward to the halls of an uncertain future.

Life is beautiful
But it isn't always
A winking fairytale dream
dazzling perfect and colorful
Sometimes it's lustre
Gets easily obscured
Under the leaden clouds
Of misery and sorrow
At that time
Everywhere you'll find
Murky shadows of despair and gloom
While your happiness will become a diminutive entity
Smaller than the size of your thumb
Do not abandon hope at that time
For these sunless days aren't meant to be eternal
Try to believe even if it seems incredible
That better days are hidden in the future
Soon you'll witness a miracle
From the black horizon a light would flicker
With a divine celestial strength
It'll pierce through the sadness
That had torn you asunder
Wilted smiles will bloom
Vacant eyes will shine
With an excitement
you've never been felt before
Dawn will no longer scare you
Night will no longer become your refuge
When that day comes you will realize
Life is really quite unpredictable
It isn't a fairytale exactly
It isn't a nightmare for sure
I think it's still a mystery
That precisely lies somewhere in between

Does a poet write only when he is sad?
Doesn't think so
But have heard so

Does a poet write only when he is upset?
Is writing a way to escape
From the world that hurt you a little too much?

Does a poet write only when he is depressed?
Why is his happiness not penned down?
Why is his prosperity not shared?

A poet doesn't write only when he is sad
All feelings, all happiness, all emotions
All of this is written

He writes when he is happy
He writes about the nature
He writes about everything and everyone

Poems are not always meant to be sad
They contain hope, love, peace
And so much more

Every bone in my body aches
Long silenced joints whisper and croak
And my muscles shudder in agony

I should have been resting hours ago
But she's stabbed him in the back yet again
So I will stand here and pick up all his pieces.

I will silently plead to him.
Do not go back to her. Do not go back at all.
I will smother him with "that's terrible, I wish I could fix it all for you"

I will tuck him in to sleep,
And give him the restoration he needs.
In faith. In family. In music. In life

I will feed him far more than he needs
Because all he needs now is comfort
And when he says he's going back
I will tell him that it is his choice.

It is his choice to return to a drunken psychopath

It is his choice to love someone who cannot be saved, simply because they don't want to be.

It is his choice to try to save her.

It is his choice to let her run him over, time and time again.

And I will always be here at the ready,
Warm blanket, coffee, and warm meal
In my hands.

Ready to pick up all his pieces and stick him together like glue