Bleached hair
and lined eyes
Looking through
a veil of lies
Red lips
vampire smile
She's going out
she'll do it in style
***** filled kisses
liquor on her breath
Hiding the fact
that she's a mess
Cigarette clouds
float up into the sky
She's feeling down
and she doesn't know why

*The Suicide Diaries

What do you know about silence?
Silence on the other end of the phone.
No breathing.
No laughing.
No crying.
Silence.
The white noise of fear.

What do you know about helplessness?
Helplessness in your own eyes.
Nothing you can do.
Nothing you can say
Nothing but watching
Helplessness
The catylyst of fear

What do you know about loss?
Loss of you mind, your friend.
It's too late he's gone
It's too late he's forgotten
It's too late you're crying
The post-mortem of fear

What do you know about me?
Me and my tired eyes.
Numb is my mind
Numb are my fingers
Numb everywhere
The desolation of fear

*The Suicide Diaries

Each breath he took was a beat of my heart.
Every time he blinked or yawned or smiled or cried it supplied air to my lungs.
Every time the sun rose it rose for him and him alone.
Four A.M. falls and I roll over to check the messages that used to be my lullaby.
Now that my heart be still and my lips be without air and my world be without light, how will I ever find sleep?

*The Suicide Diaries

I know how lonely it is to be a tree
To watch November come and my leaves fly away
Because you were my leaves
Beautiful and vibrant on the way to death.
So much so it's a wonder why you were ever alive.

*The Suicide Diaries

Inked lines on my wrist
To map out my death
You left me like this
You left a mess

Now you're fast asleep
In the sweet silence of
Six foot deep

And I'm still alive
Breathing even and
Playing with knives

And I'm still alive
Looking through
All the blood in my eyes

*The Suicide Diaries

They say that you were an angel
Who just wanted to go home
I say that you were broken wings
That forgot how to fly

*The Suicide Diaries

Tell me where to go now
That the essence of you
Is just a distant memory
Like the smell of fresh flowers
*In the dead of winter

I hid myself in your sadness
So I would never have to admit to my own
Now I'm left to suffer alone
But I still feel like I should
Thank you for showing me
What it means to live
Watching something beautiful wilt and die
Because the beauty of every moment
Somehow tastes so much sweeter now

*The Suicide Diaries

Every wavering breath
Is more peaceful than the last
Holding a sharpened knife
Bleeding away the past
Sometimes the world is grey
And I just feel numb
Sometimes I want to slip away
With the smoking barrel of a gun
Yet each morning I wake up
Blue skies or rain
I dress myself in lies
To try to hide the pain
And here I am again
Breathing in the sorrow
The only thing I wonder
Is if I'll wake up tomorrow

*The Suicide Diaries

I hid myself
In your sadness
So I would never
Have to admit to
My own  

I feel your heartbeat in my chest
                                  I still see you
                                           When I look in the mirror
                    You echo in my eyes

                       The definition of me
         Shows your name
             In bold print
Right beside the word “love”
  That comes after the word “lost”
         My wrists are tattooed
    With invisible scars
  Lines that you
      Left there every time you cut yours
  Every other breath
  That enters or exits my lungs
  Belongs to you
  Because it should have been yours
  As you sat beside me
    Telling me stories
              And kissing my ears
                                                Thank you
                         For being a lifetime’s worth
               Of warm hugs
And “I’m sorrys”
And “Stop worrying and go to sleeps”
For showing me
What it means to live
Watching something beautiful
Wilt and die
Because the beauty of every moment
Somehow tastes
So much sweeter now

*The Suicide Diaries

I've got scars
             not the kind you can see
       Mine bleed on the inside
                           In the same places yours bleed into the sink
                 I've never taken a knife to my flesh
                                  But you've cut me with words
       I miss you
                  I can't believe you've been gone so long
         My shot glass has your name on it
                        So I can remember why I'm drinking
                You left me here alone
                              And I'm struggling through
                        Point is Darlin'
                                     *I love you