you vandalized my body
with consent I offered
skin as canvas
my damaged heart
your muse

will I be remembered
as your worst creation
the strokes of bold colors
hiding the statement
you needed to convey

a truth so heavy

will the critics see me
as your worst creation
without knowing
how carefully you painted
every scar

walking away doesn't make me a coward in fact it makes me one strong *** *****. and let me tell you what i know about love, it ain't nothing my mama didn't warn me about and here i am ****** up over loving someone just as ****** up as myself. ****. How did i get here? Crying over a situation i walked willingly into.. Crying cause i give my ***** to nothing but heartbreakers and then wonder why my insides are always aching for love, when in reality that's all it ever was (that ache). Even so, i usually give him the benefit of the doubt and feed the cheese to the mouse (did i really just say that?). Aladdin will show me a whole new world and not even really know me, and yet i ask you, my best friend, what our future is and you can't show me.. Life. Life. A sentence i can't seem to handle since its just falling apart.. i can't even get ahead by showing a little heart.. and every struggle and every trial and tribulation and unfair situation while trying to find myself some salvation for the love of something upstairs CAN YOU HEAR ME? While you say YOU SHOULD FEAR ME and i do so i bow down to worship Him (You) and then when my eyes open i am still standing at the same edge of sanity within. **** i saw myself in the mirror fifteen minutes ago and the reflection sealed my fate; maybe i'll just stand here, watch myself deteriorate back into a recognizable state.. back into the ***** that was the center of everyone's hate.. back into the ***** that ran the show and always showed up late. Ha. Yeah. Life. **** it. It's a date.

I became a lost soul
and you had already been lost
in the midst of darkness
we found each other

in the midst of our words
our ******* words, you know
they have power
so much power

and as the days went on
the nights got longer
our weakness turned to love
our love became stronger

I gave in
to what I said I wouldn't
I tried to hold back
sadly I couldn't

and here I sit
missing something that
...never was
and hoping
for something that
....never could be

because I love you
and i miss you
and becoming engaged
in floetry
wasn't only for me
like you had presented
it to be

...ha.
not such a fool I am,
you see?

I love myself enough
to know I have an addiction
to things that give me life
to feelings that are
different

oh the ache
oh the pain
you devoured my soul
into your wretched world
and I felt safe
...I felt safe

bleeding these words
on a screen
licking my wounds
until the sin
is washed clean

you cannot hear my screams
you'll never see my tears
though it is killing me slowly
to walk away so lonely

but I have a heart
...a heart to shield
to keep it beating
I must rule the day

you truly are such
a gentleman
a lovely beaut
wrapped in a lie
soaked in a cheat

and u can't even see
your own deceit

All the déjà-vus

Cut copy paste repeat

Packing time every time
in a time of endings

Always passing by,
bypassing

Senseless

Useless

My will is thirsty
and no fountain
is to be reached

Will you see me off, darling?

For me, pretend
a minding fairwell,

pack me a smile

for me to take
in my journey

My voice and guitar echoed from
The wall of rain outside my
Window.

Wasps seek shelter like little
Refugees; pass my face and
Settle inside to

Dry little wings under roof.
I wave them only away from
My glass of wine.

All are welcome. Rain falls
Harder on the small.
Shelter and space.

Such easy
Things to
Share.  

Nothing unhuman
Could ever be a
Stranger.

we were not born of blessed stars
we did not rise amidst
feathers scorched
from the burning bush
our mother planted carelessly

inseminated with a yearning
for tiny pretty things
she forgot to keep us whole
and instead dismantled our nucleus
cell by nervous cell
until everything grew into nothing
the skin of our young hearts
filleted as embellishment
for her fine collection
of unhappiness

year after lonely year
our mother became obsessed
with our expected failures
creating dusty bouquets
of abandoned feathers
as a reminder of her sacrifice
a reminder of her love

we were never meant to fly
we were born of sadness
and heavy with regret

we entered this life
choking on her tears

Summer plays witness
to our salty footprints
the towers we crashed into
leaving only fragile things
to be collected or consumed
all the lives we created
exist shimmering
far below our reach

The mind is comfortably numb
Unaware of the repercussions
Holding guard at the gates of Eris
Invoking the discord with intensity
Gazing endlessly at dull perceptions
Anarchy is just a breath away
Holding our breath just to stave away
But the cries of horror are unheard
The mind is comfortably numb

I'd like to retravel
The road to here
Straighten out a few curves
Undo some straight lines
Unmuddle some puddles
Shake the mud out of my eyes
Take more time to explore
Those missed detours

The road to here
Has been a long one
Sometimes walked
Sometimes on the run
Sometimes rocky, often dusty
And sometimes fun
But never did I ever
Leave a deed undone

I traveled it in the rain
I traveled it in the sun
Ups and downs and switchbacks
There's no going back again
Can't be redone
Miles and miles and miles
Of tears and smiles and love
The road to here.

r ~ 8/2/14