Sometimes without even knowing
Of the hurt in what we've said
Or the seeds that we are sowing
In the garden of regret

Sometimes without even thinking
Of the words that have just left
Too late to change the meaning
As they fill another's head

Sometimes without even seeing
The hurt that has been fed
I am one in my believing
That most would have regret

Sometimes without even breathing
Words need not be said
Just a look in how it's given
Brings to flood an entire mess

Sometimes without even blinking
We all place our bets
On one another's feelings
As things go left unsaid

Sometimes without even finding
We have made our bed
In the thunder bolts and lightning
Of living with regret

I suppose he thought I needed to be tamed,
or required reprimandation & obedience training,
because he could simply never
let me BE...
myself without an open invitation for some harsh admonishment
or crippling criticism.
I must have painted a target that begged for his attention
on the core of my soul
because he loved the thrill in taking aim & shooting to ****.
He still colors my characterizations of the men I meet,
who ask me for insight into my mind,
& he leads me to question the intention behind
any stranger's simple gesture.
He told me he loved me, but he held me much too tight
like a petulant child who refuses to share
or suffocates a butterfly clutched in between his hands
- because its beauty inspired a selfish need
to seclude it away for one's self.  
He told me he needed me, that without me he would be left
to falter blindly through a nebulous black night,
yet he stood so close to my flame that it was inundated,
& he smothered his source of warmth & illumination.
A fire needs to breathe if it is to rage & be magnificent
- he knew that & he feared it tremendously.
He taught me to fear myself & undermined my capability
to silence those who shook my confidence.
In doing so he left me teetering on a decrepit foundation
& he so delighted in kicking bricks out from beneath me.
He pushed me down & taught me to be terrified of falling
dreading the arousal of self empowerment & ambition
to welcome an opportunity to pick myself back up again.
He tried to tether me to land,
like a flightless bird
- inert & with no purpose.
He thought he had me hooked like an inhumane bully
who allows a fish to fight his line
until it believes it has once again attained liberation,
then roughly reels it in, relishing in sick indulgence.
He thought he had me tethered,
but I am not worn-out & weathered
like an old leather ball
& I am not to be beaten round in endless circles,
the obsolete plaything battered by systematic violence
made into child's play.  
I said no & walked away.
I broke my tether that day.

& I never looked back.

Why can't you
be as
hopelessly in love
with me
as I am
with you?

Will you ever be,
or am I
a rock waiting
for the sun
to make
me a star?

he calls you
paperclip
not because you hold everyone together
when the wind tries so hard
to scatter souls
or because your eyes flash hints of silver
when you talk about your favorite song
or because your lip ring taints your kisses
metallic.

paperclip
because he can downsize you in an instant
replacing you with a version of yourself
that doesn’t weigh his pockets down
your body now too small to hold your essence
and a mouth that will only open wide enough
to swallow.
you are easily forgotten
but somehow always end up
attached to his keychain.

paperclip
because he can bend you to his will
and you don’t even notice
until everything else
begins falling out of your grasp.
every time he snaps you back into place
the world has only changed
but a fraction of a centimeter
and you’re used to measuring your life in kilometers.

paperclip
because he is a staple
leaving puncture wounds in everything he touches
a few drops of blood in every corner of your mind
and when you learn how to extract him from your heart
no goodbye is successful enough to patch
permanent holes you fold yourself in upon
and pretend not to notice.
to this day,
that chapter of your life remains dog-eared
and you wonder
why you still have trouble
picking locks.

Once again, love knocked at my door.
Someone gorgeous I could adore.
It offered me wings to get up and fly.
I stayed put and gave it no **** try.
Love came this close, lip to lip.
And said she was mine to conquer and to keep.
Love rested her soft hand in mine to hold.
Promised warmth to save me this cold.
Love said she's seen doubt in my mind.
But thought they said love was blind?
Love rained down and washed my hurt.
She said she can stitch my torn heart.
She told me to give her another try.
That ain't no way she'll make me cry.
Shook me and sent volcanic shivers up
my spine.
When she said in a voice so sweet and yet so fine.
That if I let her in,she'd forever be mine.
Sounding honest ,charming and divine.
*There was no way this could have been a lie.
This was my only chance to recover and kiss my suicide plans goodbye.
I was lonely for months high and dry all I did was cut myself and cry.
I've spent months in the dark
searching for someone to be my guide and light me a spark.
All I had was a broken heart and cracked lips with blood that
dripped out from time to time.
I was left alone with nothing but agony and pain
A situation I won't deny drove me insane.
Love came over, dried my tears and helped me get up and put on these wings.
I told her as I let out my gentle sigh
That I might as well give them a try.
Moonlight like rain came down pouring on us both.
The flowers around us giggled and blushed.
She touched my hand and brushed the chaos I had off.
She softly caressed my skin with her fingertips.
And before I knew it she snatched a kiss and washed me from sin.
That was the moment my heart felt another love story was about to begin

If you were broken, and i had the parts to fix you
i would work on you both night and day
but, i'm afraid the parts that i use would mix you
and take the best parts of you away