I remember when I first met you
It was weeks in
We'd seen each other
A thousand times
But I never really met
The person I thought
Was really you

Lying back
In the parking lot
I watched you go
And you waved for once
You said "thank you"
In sign language
I really think
That's when we fell in love

I remember when I left you
It was last night
I think
I went off on a rant
About Jonestown
You changed the subject
And then hung up
I cried for it a bit
And let myself mope
Then I picked myself up
Because there was nothing left to do

I loved you
And you loved me
Perhaps you still do
But we are not lovers
We never will be
I'm sure we'll talk again
Probably pretty soon
That's what ***** teenagers do

My point is this
You are not my love
You are not monumental
To me, at least
We will each find someone
Who will leave us weak
But that isn't you
And it sure isn't me

You are no longer
The stranger I'm in love with
You're just a stranger

Tired eyed
But so excited to be here
Kissing in a parking lot
Like you promised
Over the phone
Sleeping in shifts
Playing video games
And exploding kittens
Until the sun rises
Braiding your hair
Into a woven crown
A pile of snakes atop your head
Curled up under my duvet
Listening to the rain
Pound on the ceiling
Listening to my heart
Pound on my skin
Drowning
In my old leather jacket
Your shining face flecked with mud
From a long wait
That has never been more worth it

I started the scarf
That I'm making for you
I **** at knitting
So don't be surprised
If the whole thing unravels
In your gentle hands
Just like I did
When we first met

I dreamt about you
Again last night
We finally met
In a worn down house
And I kissed you
Three times
How I wish
That had been real life

We can finally talk again
And I want to see you around
But I'm just so tired
Of talking right now
And I'd rather die
Than let you down
But I'm just so tired
Of people right now

This isn't a poem
Or a love letter
Maybe a tiny
Apology
But mostly just a note
To the one I adore
Dearest
I'll see you
On the other side
Call me tonight
I'm going to the beach
And I'm going to dig a hole
All the way
To Colorado
To visit you
With sand in my shoes

I miss the concept of you I made
Out of glimpses of your face
From the corner of my eye
In the back of the room
I miss the voice that I hear in my head
It's sounds like you but
It says the words I wish you would
All these daydreams
Are going to smother me
I know you'll never be next to me
Laying in bed like the lovers
That we will never be
But my mind runs away
And I can't keep up with it
I can't keep up with this

I need to write you
But I'm scared
I need this to be perfect
Just like your letter
To me
But I'm so far
From perfection
Maybe I just
Don't love you enough
If I loved you enough
You could come home

I've never been more happy
To see an unknown
Number call me
The sound of your voice
Is all too familiar
The fact that
I made you laugh
Is worth more
Than gold to me
And at the end of the call
You told me
You loved me
And I said "you too"
Nothing can burst
My glimmering bubble
Of happiness
I'm so glad you called
Please do it again

Happy anniversary
Up there in Hades
Funny that it's up
Or am I assuming
Either way
The first month's the worst
And the second's worse
I'm not quite sure
Just how that works
But that's okay
Because we are not
And I know what they do
Feels a little more
Like medieval torture
Than friendly therapy
But you'll be okay
I must admit
It isn't much
Of a way to live
But you'll get out someday
And see the sun again
And all your friends
Will shroud you
In all their love
And everything will be
Perfectly peachy

Alone again
With your hands
In my head

Try to see your face
But all that comes to mind
Is my old bed
And the hell it held

Am I losing you?

But then again
There's nothing to lose
You're that ethereal
Mistress of your mind
And I can't own you
Wouldn't if I could
Couldn't if I tried

I miss you
I wish I could see you
Remembering
Your smile is
The highlight of today
I have an idea of you
That I'm falling for
I know it isn't you
But that doesn't
Stop me at all

I don't know why I keep writing
I barely think I know you
You're just my confessional
At this point
I'll keep going
Knowing you'll never see this
You'll never read this
That's good
That's definitely good
Because I don't know what I'd say
If you said you'd read
Through twenty-eight days
Of the worst poetry
Known to mankind
That'd just be embarrassing
For both you and me
Part of me hopes
You never write back
I want to let this go
So I can freely wallow
In my current state of mind
But I can't do that
I'm not doing this for you
And I'm certainly not doing this for me
I guess I'm doing it
As some part of my deranged moral code
I need to prove
That I am something more
Than an empty shell
That the things I believe in
Are more than lies I tell myself