"I'm a better man now
I've changed for the better"
he says
But, the paths we take
to becoming better people
are littered with broken promises
wasted opportunities
slighted hearts
forgotten dreams
disregarded feelings and needs
and tears spilled out of pain
that we've either felt or caused
We act as if they're cigarette butts
or food wrappers
or newspapers
we've dropped along the way
never forgotten,
but thought little of
I often wonder
how much trash a man can leave
on the side of the road behind him
before he's no longer entitled
to receive approval of his clean conscience
from those who know him
in the place where he is
and from those who will know him
in the places he's going to

I get so tired
of being alone
I know that's something
I should never admit to you
so I never will
directly

Show me your smile
and I'll show you something to die for

I look into your brown eyes
past your tight-lipped smile
and see a growing hardness
below the surface
You can't hide something
from someone who's already found it
You're just tired of being alone
and God knows I am too
but I'd rather sleep that way
than with you

The way I hate you washes over me in waves. The weight of the water crushes my rib cage, and I want to scream louder than I've ever screamed before.

The way I love you tears at me from the inside out. My heart bursts under the pressure of the pain you've given me, and I want to scream louder than I've ever screamed before.

Physical pain is incomparable to this.

My reprehensible mind
       Slipped you into my dreams last night
    You were there for me
         Cared for me
               Said you were mine

     I cannot say
           I did not enjoy this dream
While it was happening
      It's been a long time
Since I've even thought about you
       But when I realized your words seemed true
    My dream took a turn
                Something morbidly new

      I said the things I wanted to say
          Instead of just saying sorry
And... "It's okay"
         I cursed and I screamed
    I put you down the way you always did me
               I broke your fragile, pathetic heart
       Tore your soul apart

             I was so cruel,
     Yet, I still never reached your level
       With what you did to me
   You'd have made friends with the devil
         I was an angel in comparison
   Enjoying my first little taste of sin

    God, how I loved watching you crumble
                    And fall
          Made me feel larger than life
To make you feel useless and small
          All the times you pushed me down
             Watched me laying,
        Crying on the ground
    I finally had my turn
          How do you like me now?

This may make me seem
         Like a terrible person
     But... I Don't Care
            My dream made me smile
       You weren't there
               You didn't see
All the terrible, painful things he did to me
      
      When I woke up,
   I was finally able to laugh at the past
           Like I never was before
     Truly Enlightening
                 A new beginning
  I'm not in pain because of him anymore
       And *I never will be again

For all the goodness this screen provides;
for its instant gratification;
for the evolved digital relay of self-published creativity;
for the immediate responses and comments
from half a world away.
For its space saving mastery.
I long to hold all your words, verses and rhymes intimately
within glossy or plain protective coat of hard card
Your spine dunked in the cup of palm
headcap to tail resting in crux of arm
or nestled like a lover upon lap.
I could take you to bed.
I want to thumb through your pages
Pages once mashed and pulped and pressed to dry.
I long to feel the weight of words physically
to smell the freshness along each hinge crease,
and caress the texture.
To return to those most fond
charactered with dogear
underlined with ballpoint
and pencilled margin notes.
Even the mild smudge of finger tip dirt
when I simply could not wait to picking you up before washing.
If only this screen was a page
One of millions ever changing
I could hold all your work close
and fall asleep with your words
waiting in rest beside me
always
beside
me....

Friend,
where have you gone?

Friend,
what have you become?

Lips are now red
Clothes with flowing threads
Tell me,
Who did this to you?

Was it that girl
who fooled your fragile heart
or was it that boy
who tore you all apart

I never chose to feel the pain
of our friendship slipping away
I never chose to feel the same
in every single day

But all this will not be the end
of the story of *two true friends