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 Jun 2014 Cassie Stoddard
Victor
I drink to feel better,
I drink to feel fine.
I drink because I miss you,
Is there anymore wine ?
21 years of age, haven't rose with the sun for more than a while now, stretch those aching bones and rise with the fresh warm breath of the morning air.

Twenty-second of June  two thousand and fourteen. Cultures dead, the whole world has become an immersion of postmodern irony and sensuality evaporates like tender droplets of the heavenly sky's tears, what's new?

Tender black coffee morning, velvet aromas of something that could only feel like home.  Getting up and getting ready to tap keyboards and snap fingers, always on the periphery of that feeling of eureka moment madness, all creative and hopeful, hungry and *****.

Friends and foes accepting fates, watching the dreamy eyes glimmer and dissipate before me, killing me with sadness. It's a lonely world and the machines comforting kiss of conformity is all too tempting, to some at least.

The hours of the day, slip by. Procrastination greeting me, I don't feel like writing today. Slide into comfort and let it beat you around the back the head with its big pillow hands of complacency. You know you're not the only one and hey you're not doing as bad as that one guy you know.

evening, I have something in my pocket that has my whole life inside. I have digital extensions of my being and I check them like a notification ******, searching through the complaints and opinions of all who talk so much and say nothing at all.

twenty two minutes past 10 in England, the night puts on his cape and his heart falls out, I look at you and feel everything. how many of you lonely dreamers all around the world are looking with me, living in your beautiful minds with all your beautiful dreams, all of us are alive together and the stars wink at us and the trees breathe with us and we're all electric with life, universal current oh boy won't you flow through me tonight.
(you really hurt me)


you should know
that it's not the
|disgraceful| exit
i find so maddening
but the |prompt|
painful
pairing
the world-wide
replacement
giving a home to something
you would not give to me.
I'm waiting. Just waiting. For someone to sweep me off my feet. For someone to make every little touch of pain turn into butterflies in my stomach. For someone to make my darkness turn into sunlight and fireworks. But I am exhausted. My trust in love is slowly, but surely, fading into nothingness. My heart is so torn apart that everything seems vague and grey. When you walked away you took my happiness with you, and I am not sure whether it's the absence of you or the loss of my humanity that makes my eyes wet at 4 a.m. I don't know if I miss you. I don't know if I still love you. And I certainly don't know how to move on without you.
every morning at 8:13am, she texts me
“the birds by my window keep my mind running
at 5:20am, just like the way you’ve captured me.
every thought at 2:57am sounds like a prayer if
i think hard enough, but i’m afraid god is gonna hear
me this time. i have this obsession with circles and
i don’t think my life is on the right path.”

but all my mother ever taught me to answer was:
“maybe god will hear me this time because lately,
my heart’s been playing jump rope whenever
i see your name light up on my phone. i pray every
night at 2:56 in the morning so maybe one day,
i’ll be in your mind and god will hear you say my
name in your voice.”
the birds are a present from me, i’m sorry.
**** this
If forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give
you clearly haven't earned enough.
I've never needed it,
now or ever,
apart or together,
hell, the only thing I wish for more than the obvious
is slightly better weather.

You might think you're a benevolent god
but the moment she leaves you'll realize
you're one of them:  the lowest of the low,
delivering the lowest of the blows.

I once lost my fortress in the sky
to a giant who moved in
and hoarded all of his gold,
all the shiny and delicious things
he could find, taken as his own.
And if anyone tried to take it back,
he'd swallow them whole.

He loved suffering, so he'd
watch them chew themselves for him.

And you know what I did?
I didn't forgive him.
I loved him instead.
I don't think my forgiveness
is a priceless gift.
If an ant forgave you for crushing it,
would you care any more or less?
Love carries much more weight,
just like giants, and ants, do.

So when the torch you carry forgets to stay lit,
you should've gotten a smartphone instead.
Save your forgiveness for the ants.
I'd rather have the gold.
 Jun 2014 Cassie Stoddard
thrcy
Don't fall in love with that somebody
He'll take you to parks, coffee shops, & to the ocean shore
He'll kiss you & lift you up with an embrace
At the most unexpected time in the most beautiful places
So you can never go back to those places without tasting a mouthful of him
He'll wreck you in the most lovely way possible
& now you'll know why storms were named after people
it's raining and i can't help but
think about how funny it is that
even rain starts and stops and darling
last night i spent hours burning matches
that flickered and faded and left little
marks on my skin and everything
seems to come and go and believe me
i'm okay with that but you were the one
thing i was hoping would stay
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