The air was ****** from my lungs.
I cried and cried and couldn't let-up.
These tears were different--
They brought no release.

A pain so profound
I felt it in my chest, in my head.
My body weakened,
I couldn't move from my bed.
I wanted desperately to go back to sleep
And for all of this to be another awful dream.

Years ago I cried for you,
Today I cry for me.
For I know you're in a better place,
But I'm stuck here
And in my heart a you-shaped hole remains.

I wish the world was blessed enough to know you.
I miss you every day.
I'll never stop missing you, loving you...
So I cry today.

They tell me to write.
I put pen to paper,
fingers to keys.
But what I write
nobody reads--
it's unfinished, private.
I publish anonymously
so only strangers can see
the thoughts inside of me.

I am wrapped in my head.

The doctor says it will help,
So you take a pill.
Sixteen years down the line,
You're still taking the pill.

You're not sure what's the medicine and what's you.
You feel as if you're living a lie,
So you set the pills aside.

Then, your head spins 'round
You don't know up from down.
Your stomach does gymnastics
While you stay groggy and weak.
By the third day, you can hardly speak,
And you cry at the drop of a hat.
A hightened sensitivity, lessened awareness--
Everything is a blur,
Clouded by emotion, anxiety, and fear.
No one told me I would end up here.

So I take a pill
The doctor says it will help...
And maybe one day it will.

Can't believe it's been almost a year
That I've lived on this earth without you here
It's the longest I've lived without you by my side
353 days have dragged and flown by
Yet still I feel an emptiness, a hole in my life

So many changes have happened,
Some drama that I wanted to share.
I picked up my phone to call you,
Then realized you wouldn't be there,
and shed a few tears--
Because for a brief second I forgot,
And because now I know
There will be more moments
I'll want to pick up the phone
And more realizations
That now I'm alone