I'm so scared that I'll be never be completely alright ever again.

I love him
And he loves me
This is not where the story begins
but where it ends
And it's killig me
It's really killing me
That how even with all the time we bought
forever did not last as long as we thought

All i want to do
is curl around him
get lost in him
breathe him
in and out
feel my taste
on his lips
cling to him
and just stay like that
infinitely
with him, more felt better
a bit more closer
with him, more always felt less
and i could not help
but crave for more and more

8PM :
" I'm sad 'cause she will never love him the way you do "
Yes, she won't. No one will

Does she know
that dawn is your favorite time of day
how it embarks a new beginning
and *how both light and dark
exist together
complementing each other's beauty
just like..you and me

does she know
that you wake up in the middle of night
gasping for air
you had dreamt of a giant hole
swallowing all that you loved
it's a childhood fear
you could never get over
it might not make sense to the reader
but it.. he makes perfect sense to me


Does she know
that you miss your grandad
and how it kills you
that you share your birthdate
with his

Does she know that wherever you went
you never felt belonged
so you escaped and found your peace
in nature..that's how you feel healed

does she know
that she haunts you every night
till i came around and loved him enough
for both of us

Would she care
to write a poem about you
an hour before exam

i know she soes not
i know she would not
And i could have said this and many more
but all my lips muttered was
"She'll love you in ways i never did"
No, she won't. She does not even know you.

Yesterday 2pm
you quoted some author
"I wonder how many of us
don't get the the person we want
but end up with the one we are supposed to be"
i nodded
and ran away crying
'cause deep down
i thought you're the one i was supposed to be with
that you and I were meant to be"

02pm :
he told her how he felt
i don't know how he did not hear my bones crack
and my insides burn out
and the blood in my veins evaporate
or maybe he did not care?
.
.
.
.
.
.
time slowed down
nothing mattered
.
.
.
mobile beeps.
your message
she needs time
.
.
.
.I asked you how much time she needs
(how much moments before i lose you? the guy who always there whenever i pictured myself in future will become nothing but a memory)
you said point?I told her i am not moving on. She has a lifetime to decide. And if afterlife exists then even that.
.
.
.
.
everything blacked out
i could feel my empty heart being forced to beat.
.
.
.
i don't know how to continue this
i just had to write this because i no longer wanted these feelings inside of me
endangering the life they possess.
.
.
(looks back at the beginning)
I love him,
he loved me
but the story ended
on a tragic
note
because
I'm a Hindu
And he's a Muslim

His voice,
Was like a relaxing Sunday morning.
And just like the day,
I couldn't have it on replay.

When they finally cut you open they found butterflies crawling on your ribcage and flowers where your lungs were supposed to be
An eternal spring in your chest that everyone could feel when you drew near, the kind of green that people craved and needed to breathe
Where your heart was charted lay the biggest, most beautiful gemstone that anyone had ever seen.
They found everything that you tore yourself to pieces looking for, all of the splendor and beauty and precious things that somehow eluded you no matter how hard you searched or how many times you cut yourself open to find. It was all right there, right before their eyes, as dazzling as a thousand suns and majestic as the stars
When they closed your eyes, the starlight had already left them. Galaxies ripped from existence because you would never laugh again, never think of one you loved, never see the first bloom or hear the first bird of spring.
I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if anything really happened. there is still a hole in my chest the size of you that no fresh spring day or starry night can fill up there is no earthly thing that can replace you because you cannot be replaced, you were part of the leaves on the trees and the air that I long for and now you are gone

You started on a conquest for your soul and it led you to a dark forest of branches that twisted to hurt you and wind that whispered lies just loud enough for you to hear that poisoned your spring and closed your eyes forever to the beauty that was inside of you that bloomed out of your wrists when their whispers came back to haunt you crouching, dark, pulsing with your blood not good enough not good enough not good enough
But they were wrong. You were enough. You were more than enough; you were everything that springtime should be.
You walked in as a lioness and out as a lamb
Now it’s winter and I can’t see you in the trees or the sky because everything is silent and cold and dying and the spring inside you is fading because
When they finally cut you open they released your beauty into the world
and it will be a brighter place because of you.

I'm battling my own demons while at the same time fighting off hers
like a prince slaying dragons for the princess
she never asked you to, but you do it anyways
don't get me wrong
she's no damsel in distress
she's her own knight in toughest armor
but you're still there
to pull the sword from the stone
when she just can't find the strength
to kiss her awake
when she can't get herself out of bed
to free her from whatever tower
she's locked up inside of
because my life may not be a fairytale
but I'll be ****** if I don't make hers feel like one.


ᴍjᴍ

We don't talk anymore
and you don't seem to care