Please don't take another
Bite of my tortured soul
I don't think I can take
Another second more

Please don't look through me
When I'm right here
I know I'm not much to you
But I don't want to disappear

Please don't leave me withered
And out here alone to die
I've had enough of love
So just hold my hand one last time

most people see me as
a happy person because
i laugh easily,
i smile a lot,
i joke a lot.

but deep down
in my heart,
i am fragile,
i can get hurt easily,
but i choose to not
show it to the world.

instead of being sad,
i choose to laugh to cover it.
maybe you can call me
"the queen of the mask"

by this,
you can tell
that most of the time
when I'm laughing,
I'm not really laughing,
i was trying so hard to hide
my sadness.

I don't want your pretty words,
I don't want your charming eyes,
I don't want your smooth approach,
I don't want your blatant lies.
The truth is that I want it all,
Every single bit.
But the truth is that it's all a front,
And nothing ever fits.
I want to hear your small talk
I want to see your tears
I want to sit close at your side
I want to stay for years.
But the truth is that you're killing me,
Every single bit.
The truth is that I come running back,
Even after every hit.
I don't want to be hurt by you
I don't want to have to cry
I don't like the way you're treating me
But I'll love you until I die.
The truth is soon, I'll have to go,
And make the end of it.
But in truth, I still love your soul,
Every single bit.

Suffocating pain.
It seems to be a friend of mine.
Always there, comforting me when my heart is broken.

It sleeps with me in the black night.
Hugging my heart to let me know it’s there.
It’s frozen hands reaching into my throat.
Letting me feel, just how close it is.

But when it relaxes it’s grip.
I am able to fall asleep.
This peace is not allowed for long.
It gets jealous.
Wants me to only feel pain.

Pain.
Overtaking my heart.
Wanting to feel it stop beating.

Pain.
Clawing at my stomach.
Telling me there’s no reason to fill it.

Pain.
Intruding my thoughts.
Telling me there’s no point in feeling happy.

So I sit with pain.
In the long hours of night.
Replacing the warmth you once gave.

If only I knew
That kiss would’ve been our last. I would have kissed a little deeper

If only I knew
that hug in the cold night was our last. I would have hugged a little tighter.

If only I knew
that was the last time I told you “I love you”. I would have said it a bit softer.

If only I knew
that was the last time I’d look into your eyes and see love staring back. I would have gazed a little longer.

Abruptly, all this was taken away by you.

Your conflicting thoughts described to me a day later.

While people carried on with their lives around us as if though they couldn’t hear my heart shattering next to you.

I’m helpless in this moment. Unable to comprehend why this is happening.

You tell me I should be hating you, well love, I’ve spent seven months loving you and no amount of pain can fade that.

So I sit next to you, unable to touch your hands which I craved so desperately.

New tears travel down the path paved by old dried up ones.

My mouth is clamped shut unable to tell you what my brain wants to say.

Your brain was conflicted. You tell me there’s no one like me but for some reason, that doesn’t seem to be enough.

We used to be in tune with each other. How could I not see this coming?

Those thoughts scratching away at me inside your head.

Until those thoughts clawed at our love until there was nothing.

Now I feel nothing.

Like an empty space waiting to be filled once more by you.

But you’ve made up your mind for us both. No consulting like we once did.

Our last moments feel like a lie.

Your mind flipped in an instant.

Forcing mine to try and piece everything together.

But you were the pieces that made me whole.