At some point, I am just going to explode
From feeling so much
Anger, sadness, happiness, joy
But also hate
I feel to ******* much
But then I am drained
And there is nothing more to feel
Don't talk to me
Don't come near me
I don't need you
I don't need your words of encouragement
I don't need any of your "wise" ideas
Back away
Because you don't even know where you step off

You never listen to me
There is never time for me
Never any time to acknowledge
My very existence
There is no time
For us to be at one
Never any time for you to listen
To anything I say
My thoughts, my emotions
I just want you to listen
Is that so hard to do?
Is it bad for you to listen to me
When all I do is listen to you?

No meaning
So many words
Trying to get more numbers
More people reading
I want people to see
What is really happening
To me
I want people to see that I am a person
A human being
I want people to see
That I am here, even if I feel like I am not
I want people to read my passion
I want them to read what I worked on
Every night
For my young life
I want people to see what they did to me

Without a title
Is not without meaning
So don't judge people of their title
Or lack thereof
Without a title
Is just not letting you know
What is hidden within
It's better that way
More mysterious

I don't want to live in a world
Where I am not comfortable
Sharing my information
Seeing people in public, as a potential threat
I don't want to live in a world
Where people take advantage of others
And just say that they were sorry
When everything is said and done
I don't want to live in a world
Where people judge you when you are yourself
And when you have finally changed, they tell you
That you were better before
I don't want to live in a world
Where people tell us who to be
Where nothing is safe
Where there are pandemics
And the stress of paying bills
I don't want to live in a world
Where there is absolutely no control
I don't want to live in a world
Where homes get taken away
And where veterans are on the streets
I don't want to live in a world
Where we have to section people
By race, class, gender, sexuality
If you want equality
We should all be the same
But we aren't and we should see that
I don't want to live in this world anymore

Maintaining control
is the stage where the predator
will do anything to keep his victim
a victim
He sits on the couch
With his arm slung over you
His breath is sour with alcohol
And cruelty
Knowing that he has power over you
There will be no changing the story
The story that contains
Both you and him
Is not your and his story
It is only his, and it will only ever be his
Because of him, you have been completely and utterly
Diminished

This is the stage that everyone knows
where the predator gets what he wants from the victim
this is the most commonly discussed stage
of ****** harassment
He touches you
Bringing you down
You can't feel anything but his hands
Reigning down on you facing
You can't remember a time
Where you weren't controlled by him
Because now there is him.
Only him

Isolation Stage; the stage where the victim
is isolated from their family
their friends
everyone, until it is only them and the predator
You isolated them
You gave them no time
You manipulated them
To the point when they were no longer human
But a perfect little slave
This is the isolation stage
Watch your back

The Giving Stage; a stage where the victim is brought something so that all of their needs are tended to
so that they trust, and are in debt
to the predator.
You give them something to make sure
That they are "well cared for"
When really they are just jumping
Into the lion's mouth
Instead of walking past
And knowing that you shouldn't trust them
But you did
And now they will give you something
So that you will be in debt
And never be able to pay it off

"Def; the action of a person
preparing their victim for meeting
especially on the internet
or chat room with the intention
of committing a ****** offense"
So if I don't talk to you, that is why
Please don't contact me
Please don't talk to me
It is wrong to do this to someone
Don't ever do it
It is horrible
Don't talk to me
Just don't
You are not my friend
You do not know me
So back away from the "message" button
I don't want to talk to you
Know that I am prepared to fight
So don't ever talk to me
I am not your friend

I don't want to hear it
Don't tell me a thing
I am just a person
Who wants to write
Don't tell me anything
About what is what
And what you like
And what you hate
Don't talk to me
Don't approach me
I want to respect your privacy
If you promise to respect mine
I will be polite
But it doesn't mean that I will trust
Or agree with anything you say
I am just warning all of you
That I am this way for a reason
And I am prepared to fight
To keep everything just safe
Fine and dandy
So leave me alone
I am warning you

Respect is an odd thing
If a person demands respect
They usually mean to respect
Their authority
And treat them like a god
But when they say, "if you respect me, I'll respect you"
And they mean that you will treat them like a person
If you treat them like a king/queen
And everything is just jolly good
Because you respect them as an authority
And they treat you (almost)
As if you were a human being I mean,
It's just not fair
What some people call "respect"

I feel better now
Like I can live in my skin
I feel better with my soul
Less of a need to fit in
I think that I am beautiful
And for once in a very very long time
I don't feel fat
Even though I probably am
I just feel like I could go on existing
In this pale sack of skin
After all, what matters most
Is what happens to your soul
Your body is just a vehicle
Learn it from the best people,
Right?

So trust me when I say,
If you want to take this time to be better
If you want to improve
You've got my support
But you're already perfect
Pure and true

ACHHHHHH!
Let me go, just let me be
Don't clutch me in your trap of poetry
I am tired of writing words
That don't have any meaning to me
I am tired of doing this
Just so I can get noticed
For me this isn't a hobby
This is something I want to do
For the rest of my years
I want to write away every little thing
Every tear, every fear
I am tired of writing for recognition
I am tired of not being able to get my book into the public
I am tired of not being able
To share what I want
I am tired of not being able to share my lovely books
I am tired of being trapped in recognition
I am just---- ACCCHHHHHHHH forever

Bones rattle together
As the dead start to rise
As the population decreases
Secret have started to die
Until that one day
When secrets
Are no longer what they are
Secrets are an ever seething
White marble scars

You left your mark
And inky black stream covering my heart
You pierce my skin with your needle
And let the ink run wild
As I ran away and found your tattoo
Right in front of my eyes
This tattooed love
Was not what I wanted
This inked mark
That makes me yours
Is a curse that will follow me
Wherever I go

I never wanted this tattooed love
That hurts me more than anything
A bullet hole would hurt less
But I worked hard for this
I thought that this was what I needed
But I guess....
I could be completely wrong

My heart
Is an empty glass
Transparent enough to see through
Though it is clouded by hate of judgement
And everything else
My heart is empty
And so is my mind

I'm in a land where the skies are dark in summer
And the walls are painted black
You are told to go to this world and never to turn back
You look up to the sky to find the sun has been painted red
And wake up to find yourself resting in your bed

You've made your bed of hopes and fears
Never to return
To that awful place of dread and tears
Yet still you yearn
For the days when you could find yourself
Within that black hole called sleep
And to feel the ebbing
And let yourself be engulfed into the eternal sea of dreams

I have no name
What else is there to say
I have no guide
No way to know if the words will end
So what do I say?
Do I prattle on until everything is on the mend
Or do I just sit here in silence
And hope for the best?

Options, options
What should I say?
Should I have a meaningful speech
Where I say that everyone is great?
Or should I say something along the lines
Of how my life is ****...
(I know that I do that. No false pretenses here!)

Jeez. I just don't know what to do
With the letters, and words
I've been given
Hopefully, I can find a title
Lacking a poem

I didn't even know
That I would stay up this long
Because I am TIRED guys
Not crazy so..
leave me alone
When you say
That I should let the words go to sleep
because when my head is done for
anything that is said
written
communicated in one way or another
it is so ******* done
that there is no meaning
to be had
other than I am ******* tired

Tell them that I'm deranged
Because girls are so sexualized
It's always, "don't get *****"
Never, "don't be a ******"
It's always telling you "get out of the relationship"
Rather than "don't be an abusive ****"
Tell them
That I am ******
That women are shamed in their own bodies
Because boys were never taught to be respectful
Tell them that boys ******* aren't censored
And girls' are
Even though they are a baby feeding sack of fat
That doesn't have anything to do
With a boys' learning
Other than the fact that he wouldn't be able to learn
If it weren't for his mother who fed him
And more importantly gave birth to him
Tell them I don't want their sexist
And their shaming
And the fact that girls are still tearing each other down
When we are supposed
To be fighting on a united front

So don't tell me that I'm overreacting
When that's all you have ever said
I want rights,
And I want my daughters to grow up with them!
So don't ignore me when I tell you
That for a very long time
Women have not had a right
to ANYTHING at all

Everything is dark
Where has it all gone?
What has happened?
What have I done?

I cannot see
And I am afraid of being blind
The world seems to be fading away
My eyes are taking longer
And longer to focus

Mom, I'm getting scared
Why can't I see
For more than two feet
In front of me?

I cannot look down without not seeing
When I look up
Now I'm stuck with a dark world
Just because I looked down

Sometimes
I will see a sharp thing
And ask myself
How I could smuggle it
To use on my skin
But then I remember that it's not okay
For me to do that
It's not okay
That I want to see blood flowing from my wounds
Just to embody
What is happening in my head
But I don't feel that kind of pain
And when a do
A sharp thing
Is no longer my escape

So I wonder why
I think so much about it
Too much about
I don't want to do that anymore
It has been romanticized way too much
To be broken and let some guy
Rescue you
I no longer find release in sharp things
Trust me

I see people
And think of the fastest way to run
The shortest route to safety
When I find myself
In a place that I don't know
My heart stops
And I question
What will happen with the roof
After it falls on me
What bombs have been set
And how long until they go off
Don't look me in the eye
Because all the people who have
Wound up with a blade in their hand
A blade in my back.

Beauty must be everything
Plastic surgery
Pain
Everything
But I don't think that beauty is on the surface
Beauty isn't the perfect nose
And pretty (but shallow) eyes
Beauty isn't a "rockin'" body
And long blonde hair
Beauty is what you are
Who you make
With your body
What your soul is doing
With the body you were provided
Our body is just a shell
So that we can get around
Beauty isn't what you look like on the outside
Because I bet your mind doesn't picture you the same
As what your outside body claims

The air on my skin
Makes my mind go into the Deep
I am no longer on this earth
I am somewhere else completely
Forest breeze
Against my skin
Somehow I know that I am home again
Milky stone
That is made of flesh
A catch in your breath
Makes me laugh
The air on my skin
Makes my mind go places I've never been
Stone cold faces
Hearts untouched
But the air on my skin
Is making me breathe again

Tired
Drooping eyelids
Quivering lips
I fall asleep
Even though I'm in chains
My weary head rests on your lap
I assure you
That I am a sound sleeper
So if something happens I won't wake
Tears fall from my eyes
Dripping onto you jean-clad legs
I am sorry that I feel this way
People don't hold me close
The only human life forms
That have loved me
Were in my family
And even then barely
So sorry for crying
Even whilst I'm *'asleep'

It's all black and white
They tell me inside my small little brain
Don't question anything*
They say quietly
But I don't want to fall asleep
I am too tired a soul
To go down this long and weary road
I don't want to do anything but write
But I cry too much to see the screen
I wish it was all black and white
But I can't accept that
There are too many grey areas
On to many things
*It's not all black and white *
A small voice finally says inside
*There is some brown too

Is it really okay
That we let people go down roads
Where we have seen people die
Is it really okay to let people go to war
When the fight that has been started
Was never even theirs
Is it really okay
To tear each other down
When all we are trying to do
Is get through life?
Is it really okay
When people throw their fists through the air
To solve a problem
That we should just sit down and consider
Is it really okay
To have this system that we are all confined to?
To not have any freedom
Even when they say we do?
I say that the way you look
Doesn't make you any less capable
Of doing something that you love
So for those of you who judge
A person by the color of their skin
Or what they have in their pants
Pay less for labor that is equally taxing
Just because they are not the average white male
If you don't ask yourself
If it is really okay
To do this to people
Know that you are a monster
And this world has only made you worse

'I'm so tired.'
He smiles at my words
'Can I lie down to sleep?'
I ask as I lie on his bed of needles
My small whimper
Makes his grin grow wider
My eyelids are drooping
I don't even care that he's drugged me
He decides to bind me
And take away pieces of my brain
He replaces them with new memories
Of him laughing
While I scream in pain
So much pleasure has come
From me pushing away the day
That came before
I am being lashed
Hurt from the inside out
The flogging took place
When he was the one I wanted
The sadist watches me
Cry for mercy
But the sadist is me
And I don't know how it got this way.

I've been wanting something good
For all of my life
I have been alone
Running on pride
Men don't see me as vulnerable
Because no matter what
I'll keep my head high
I've been wanting something good all my life

People never know me very well
They don't know that I am
This spikey, visibly bristling person
Because I have been hurt
I have been told things that no person should hear
And I am expected to live
Just like everyone else
I've been wanting something good
For far to long
I should learn that it will never happen

Trust me
Age is just a number
I am a young child
With the brain of someone much older
Maybe I should know more
About finances
Or something useful
But so far
I know about all the things in life
That adults keep secret
I don't care that I have a young face
I have a soul that has seen better days
Stuck in a body that doesn't fit who I am
In a place where happiness doesn't exist
If you saw what I see my personality as
You would see a girl with green hair
(Old grey at the roots)
Three lip rings
Two stretched ears
Baggy pants
Tucked into combat boots
I would have the harsh face
Of a thirty-year-old chain smoker
I wore heavy dark eyeshadow
And liner that reached my hairline
And my green mess on my head
Would be put into a Janis Ian style
And in your pain
I would offer a grim smile
My body would be ravaged with time
Like a sharp rock
Stepped on one too many times
Age is just a number
I've seen too much
In such little time
Even in my mind, I am thirty
No one can take that away

Green forests
Dark places
Romance and lies
I'm sorry that I came to this alien planet
I don't belong here
My heart belongs
To dry grass
And smoky summers
Not this green
Rain filled place
That only sees the sun
In the last three days of summer
I'm sorry that I don't belong on this alien planet with you
The darkness envelops me
Trapping me in a hazy greyish blue fog
I am pushing away the tendrils
Of murky gloom
That find me when I am running after you
I don't belong to this alien planet
That is only seen through the dark green trees
Follow the river of my mind
Into the cascading waterfall
The cliff that follows the Divide
I am sick and twisted
But not in the right way
I am sorry that I cannot stay
On this alien planet
A world so blue

I am upside down
Tossed this way and that
I am twisting with the beat
Of this song that is life
I am a dancer
That picks up on the winds of time
Follow the path
That leads to your demise
Welcome the alien planet
Where skies are a dull grey
The land is dark green
And cloud cover is constant
Where the mist of time
Takes over your mind
Welcome to the Alien Planet
This is where you reside

Tiredness is okay
Don't feel bad if you are tired at the end of a long day
Lay down in your cozy bed
Let the covers drown you in laziness
If you are tired rest
Because you deserve it

Don't dress-up your kids
Because you are making them something they are not
It is not fair
To play against what you got
Don't dress-up your kids
Even if you didn't get what you want
Because they are what they are
People are not meant to be toyed with
And dressed up as a doll
Sometimes girls want to wear jeans
And boys want to wear a shawl
It is not fair
To give these children harsh rules
On what they should and should not do
With their bodies
Don't let them hurt themselves
Comfort them when they cry,
But I am telling you don't play dress-up with your kids
Because what if that's not their way of life

What is weird?
Is it when a girl decides to get a buzz cut
Or when a boy wants to wear long hair?
Is weird when we stop creating rules
That keep the harsh gender barriers alive
What is weird?
Is it when your son comes home
And tells you he found a guy that he loves
Or is it when your daughter tells you
That she loves a girl?
What is weird?
Is it when a person dyes their hair,
And shaves it into a mohawk?
Is it when a person wears spiked clothing
That is a defense from society's hard fists?
Is weird when a four-year-old child is worried about a job
Because they have seen what it has done to adults?
Is it weird when children hide their feelings
Because of hate from other students
Or is it weird
When students are terrified to go to school
Because we are afraid of it being shot up?
Is it weird when people are afraid to go out
Because people are getting shot at concerts
And getting bombed at their place of worship?
Or is it weird that we don't cry anymore
When we go to sleep at night
Because when we were growing up
We were desensitized
To war
And violence
And people who never accept
That we are people
Whether you lean right or left!
We are people
Whether you like the same ***
Or nobody at all,
Because in the end
We are all people!

Being exposed to trauma
Made me feel invalid
There are more than one
Identities within this body
But I am a broken bowl
Each shard is unique
And which one is the original?
There isn't one
And I will never integrate
Into one person,
A person like you

My young brain was only trying
To protect me,
But it felt like it was trying to end me

I am tired
Of wanting to create a masterpiece
But not having enough energy to do it.
I feel bored
I want to do something
But when I get up
To create that beautiful masterpiece
I am drawn back by knowing I don't have the talent
And that whatever it is I make
Is never going to be seen
So I realize, what the hell is the point?
There isn't one, I know now
If no one sees what I make
There is nothing that I can do
To make it real
So I guess that I will never be seen
And my great masterpiece will never be revealed

She has blonde hair
That comes with traits above our class
She is not one of us,
And she knows that
She is my sister, only half you see
For her father was a wealthier man
Until he fell for, heard her crying plea
My father was a very nice man
But not the same man was he
He was a factory worker
Until he went up into flames
She loved him dear
And his death tore her to shreds
But darkness rose up in her
After his death
She is now a bad guy
In a good story
Karly, I love you dear
But now is the time
To face my fears
I know that you love a man
Who is obsessed with me
And with whom's feelings
I do not share
I would tell him that you felt for him
But he wouldn't even care.
I'm sorry sister
Please don't hate me
I want nothing more than to be good to you
I really do
But I cannot
Because you have played me as a fool
This is my story, not yours.
If you try to take my ending I will take yours
I am sorry for betraying you
But if you did it first,
Is it really betrayal at all?

Imma keep writing
Until I am liked
I will just keep writing
Allow me one more word
I am tired of being trapped
In a blank page, a void
Imma keep going
Just keep writing letters
Arranged in a breathtaking order
I will steal you heartbeat
I will make you shatter
Imma keep going
Though 'imma' isn't proper grammar
Because I just have to keep writing
I don't care about splendor
Imma keep going
Because I just can't stop
I like the feeling of the sharp words
Carving up my tongue.
Imma keep writing
Because it's like letting my invisible tear drop
Letting them see who I am am
How much I am messed up
Imma keep going
Because I can never stop
I am tired of being alone
And in my words
I find my clone

I hate this so much
When I haven't been numbed
By society's icy disposition
And nothing has told me I am horrid
Or that I am nothing
I'm feeling again
And the feeling isn't dread

The forest of fears
Has captured my heart
It has told me
I can do anything I want
Just as long as I give up my mind
With only a blink,
I say no
But I wonder if the Forest knew I was feeling again
So just in case, I wasn't feeling it
I should start feeling pain.
But I hate feeling, I hate that I am vulnerable again
Even though I have always wanted someone
To save me
But I am unsavable
Because I am my own soldier
Who is so ******* tired of feeling

I am lost
Without words to guide the way
I cannot see more than ten feet
Directly in front of me
I am nothing
I cannot hope to be anything more
Please don't tell me that I'm perfect
That 'you're good just the way you are!'
I'm really not okay
So don't pretend that I am
I am tired of being me
I am tired of being sane
Because I'm not
So I'm going to pretend that you don't treat me like a slave
That I am not just your personal maid
I am used to being stepped on
Used for anything at all
I just want to feel something good
Love that goes bother ways.

But I am dried up
I have no more love to give
All the people I have loved
Have drunk me up
Given me nothing at all but pity and a sad smile
As they walked away
Relishing my denial
So don't tell me that you want me
Because I know that want is not love
And even if it was
You don't deserve me
Because I am all dried up

He looked into my eyes
As though he could see right through them
I fell into his endless oceany eyes
As he told me that I was shameful
That I was nothing to him
He told me that I wasn't worth the dirt on his soles
I can't help but love him though
Because I am supposed to be with him

His watery blue eyes
Tell me that I am trying too hard
To tell me everything is fine
Even though I know it isn't
He is so turning
Like a road with switchbacks
I am not your mountain
Stop being so indecisive
You like me, or you don't
So just tell me, am I beautiful
Or am I nothing?

I think I know these people
When they are only real to me
Because I made them alive
But only in my head
When their memories started to fade from mine
I put them onto paper
I made them characters
They made me feel safe
Like I wasn't alone
But I was, and I didn't know

I think I know these people
That I see in my daily life
But when I look at them
They all start to fade away
Because these people are not who I think they are
They are people that I never knew
Because I never bother to hear their story
When I was so caught up in mine
Turns out every person I thought I knew was a lie

I think I know
When someone is sad
Or they are hurting
But I just look at them
With a saddened look in my eye
And walk away
Waving goodbye
To the people I think I know
The people who know everything about me
Know every detail right down to my soul
When I don't really know them
Because I am so self-involved

Time and time again
The ground is frozen
To my bare feet
Frostbite nips at my skin
Leaving purple marks
Where it once was pink
Time and time again
I have wandered
Into vast forests
To find solace in creatures unknown to man
Time and time again
They have supplied me with more support
Me more than anyone else in my life
Time and time again
I am let down
My own foolish childhood hopes
That life will be perfect
I will be loved
And everything will be easy
But I never saw any of these challenges coming
I never saw you step all over me
Time and time again

My flock left me
When I fell from that branch
Hoping I could fly
I broke a wing
Now I'm prepared to die
I am unsafe
Just another piece of meat
To just another animal
That thinks that they want me
I am pointless,
There is no hope
I am a wingless bird
A wonder to us all

He taught me so much
When no one really cared
He loved me as his daughter
When no one else was there.
He was my mentor
And later my caregiver
He was an amazing person
My half sister's father
(The only thing we had in common
Was our mother)
And he always told me
There was something wrong with her
He had known
That she was his daughter
The reason he fell from grace
But he still loved her
Though she betrayed the human race
His cold blue eyes
With warm rusty hair
Cool toned skin
My mentor
Mr. Carver

She was a lover
She let her heart guide where she would go
That poor, poor, misguided soul.
She died in a fire
That held nothing to the flames of passion
In her heart
But she didn't know that compassion
Held no guard
To the fire that burned her up
Margo wasn't essential
She had to go
I'm so sorry Margo
I told the protagonist her father died too
She'll let your brother know
A friendship turned into something more
When the brother held hands
Of a fatherless daughter
Both grieving the deaths of their mentors
Margo was a lover
And the father a fighter.
I'm sorry you had to die
For their relationship to blossom

Their golden hair
Shines brightly in the sun
Not too terribly serious
My jesters, my cousins
My beautiful comedics
You have provided me with relief
You joined the rebellion
Because you believed in a cause
That was so much bigger than anyone
You were tired of being taken advantage of
So you joined us
Told me about everything
And when people died
You brought relief
Jesters dear,
I love you so
I will never ever let you go
I'm so sorry I let you down