I've written too many poems for too many people. something about you, I know, is different. even the image of your cold eyes skipping across the words I'm creating is nothing short of a miracle. the thought of your distant mind holding a blurred depiction of me seems impossible. you deserve more than a poem- more than standing up on some balcony thinking, just for a second, you loved some girl you never met. and maybe you loved her because you saw the best of her. but, she loved you because she saw some of the worst in you. and you made her see it in herself.

how can I miss someone I've never met? someday, you'll just become another insect weaving along the streets. a heavy look, yet somehow empty, stained on your face. it will age even further than your mind already has. it will flash on TV screens and billboards who advertise a man they think they can define. just know, I'll refuse to say your name- and I'll still miss you.

this is not a poem. it's not a sonnet, nor a song, nor a love note. this is something to remember on the subway. something to hold on to when the sting of fluorescent lights loses its luster, and the smell of the city is deemed no longer potent. it's easy for me to believe in a years time, I will still be the face you never laid eyes on and the body you never touched. it's harder for me to percieve this as truth.

wherever it is that you go, I know it will be with confidence. I don't have to worry about your success or stability. I will worry I have been forgotten, just as swiftly as the thoughts I've told you when you're the only one keeping me up deep into the pit of night. you teach me more than I have ever learned in a textbook; sometimes, even more than I have learned as I walk amongst the pests inside this anthill. I cant make you feel: I can't make you miss me and I can't make you love me; I don't want you to. I can't make you touch me, and you shouldn't. I can't make you accept the warm embrace I'd willingly give you, hell, I can't even make you give me the chance to try.

I can't make you do anything, but wherever you go, whatever you do, I will always think highly of you. I'm sure you'll live wearing gold along your knuckles thats worth more than my life, and chatting with strangers I can only read about in novels. maybe someday, you'll reach back and taste just a hint of nostalgia from some scrap of me that flickers in your mind. maybe someday, you'll long for endless nights of voiceless conversation. and maybe, someday, you'll miss me too.

How can every word
   Whizzing around my head
Be the exact words
    I could never use
To describe
                                                                                                          My existence?

I crawl on my knees
      Down to the deepest hole
 Forgot the remnants of my heart
        In a dark, dusky winter
                  Cold
         I'll die slowly and painfully
     If you fall apart
Pour out my soul
    Never remembering me
          Ghosts of lost loves
    Wasting away
            No one's caring
Somebody unfortunate
        Lonely
            Scary
                You

Organically evolving
Intermingling
With deviants
Parasitically
Just in caste systems
Capitalizing
On the leverage
Of love
Homogenizing
Allowing the parasite
A taste of something
They don’t recognize:
Truth & Beauty
Allowing those
Elements inside
Tormentee bleeding for tormentor
And eventually both parties change
The parasite spurs the host toward strengthened
Resolve
And Love is no longer a foreign language
To those most in need

Innoculate them with kindness

Sometimes the sky just isn't as blue,
The sun isn't as bright for you.
Sometimes the days fade to night,
And most things just don't feel right.
You feel the wind dance all around you,
You dry the tears, none too few.
Will the moon to light your shadows,
But even rainbows
Fade away leaving us facing the moment.
Words are hollow, not what they meant.
Eyes see what the soul hid.
A weak smile the dark will forbid.
Shattered pieces cannot heal,
Your soul no longer real.
Whispers dancing nimbly within,
Tell a tale of foretold sin.
Weak willed and a strange destiny,
Finding peace, heavenly.

12/05/13

I close my eyes in hope,
I breathe just to cope.
Asking for help is not possible,
When it's not understandable.
I wake each morn with a weak desire,
Fall to pieces every twilight, no inner fire,
No reason to pray, I'm alone.
Not one being listening, none.
Inner strength is caving,
I'm not looking for a hero or saving.
Taking a deep breath,
I wait my turn for death.
Too many reasons to stay,
Pulled too many directions each day.
Slowly falling apart,
Remorse shadows the heart.
Brilliant pain envelopes me whole,
Shattering my weary soul.
Release me from my mortal bond, free me,
Let me rise with wings and flee.
Find what is so close, I'm blind,
So Close yet I cannot find.