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Becky Jo Gibson Sep 2016
Ahhh, the sweet ache of loss.
When nothing fills the hole of absence.
Ache consuming every moment.
Death feels like it has a voice.
Saying it is time to join the ******.
At the feet of evil and the head of good.
No this will not keep holding up empty.
Finding a balance will dry tears.
This shell will be strong and complete.
Holding back deaths rage.
Quieting the spirit and winning the war.

Becky Jo  Gibson
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
With venom he speaks loud his rage.
It takes no time to express his need for revenge.
The depths of her betrayal takes emotions, locks him in a cage.
I see only a fragment of the heart she left singed.

What she took deepens as his soul bleeds.
His scars grow, eyes blacken as he weaves her web.
Angry, tattered he speaks of the times he gave in to his twisted need.
Nothing I see or hear declare his prisons ebb.

Betrayal turned to resolve make alone his new creed.
A thick wall without doors protect his ravaged heart.
Her ruthless actions stole his fire, his passion gone, complete.
Try as I might missing are the words hope will impart.

My attempts to comfort fall on the empty soul of a man.
Time heals yet for some it serves only to deepen sorrow.
All women are the same, they lie, cheat, set men up, scheme, plan.
He lives in her web, she won, he is lost...no tomorrow.

By BECKY JO GIBSON


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I wrote this poem about a friend and his struggles.  It left him speechless
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Apology Not Accepted

Last meal, last drink, last walk, last breath.
This is real and I am content with this end.
For taking her life I am sentenced to death.
Perhaps this will help her children mend.

So long ago yet I still recall every detail.
I know what day it was and the time on the clock.
I was following the tracks determined to ride the rails.
The woman said she was just taking a walk.

I remember her eyes were bloodshot and wet.
I expressed concern for the bruises present.
Her head spun to face me, her eyes heated and set.
She scolded me for speaking of something so unpleasant.

Her body became tense and then relaxed completely.
She stared at the tracks as the train came into view.
Her eyes softened and she turned to me smiling sweetly.
She apologized and asked that I forgive what she was about to do.

Confused I asked why she was asking me to forgive her.
She laughed, said for the image sure to stay in your mind.
My eyes met hers and I felt something inside me stir.
She thanked me for being so concerned and kind.

As she turned her hands came together in prayer.
Seconds later she stepped in front of the train.
Stunned all I could do was stand there and stare.
Her body ripped apart and blood fell like rain.

A witness said I pushed her into the train's path.
The distance between us prevented a different end.
If I could have reached her I would have known her wrath.
However to remove the image left in me I pretend.

I spoke only on the moments leading up to the witnesses lie.
My life was empty and I was craving a way to get away from me.
This is a relief from the images implanted in my minds eye.
I am not guilty of killing her yet I welcome the end of eyes that see.

Becky Jo Gibson
Becky Jo Gibson Sep 2016
My strength slips into darkness
The dagger that cut my core
My blood pours over smiles
Laughter caught in the deception
Great is the hole left in me
Sorrow the only constant
You leave emptiness behind
Thank you for closure
Nothing binds me to you
You died in my blood

Becky  Jo  Gibson
cry
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
cry
No tomorrows will count.
My new year is empty of life.
As I cry my way to a future without you.
Cut
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Cut
As I write you face the future.
The consequences of reckless time.
Sitting in chains you waiting your turn.
The judges sentence for your crime.

The courtroom absent of your people.  
Most too busy to give a ****.
Chasing the dope you used to sell.
Having no support must really ****.

The time has passed when I cared.
I would have come for you without fail.
I bet you expected me to be there.
Still in shock I stopped sending mail.

Perhaps I didn't even come to mind.
Your thoughts on anything but me.
No sorrow for the loss of your biggest fan.
Am I just a stalker, is that what you see?

I remember when you defended my honor.
When haters were told to shut the **** up.
Then you hated ammo at the ready.  
Trivializing me to fill your egos cup.

I know you're wounded deep inside.  
True love far from what you desire.
Yelling, hitting, dysfunction your norm.  
All that **** keeps away passions fire.  

Needing, lacking, never getting enough.  
That one over there might fix it.
Chasing, catching, destroying it all.
Blaming everyone for your *******.

My resolve fed by your actions.
I removed myself, illusion free.
It was all made up, not true.
To love you I ignored reality.

Fact is my love was always mine alone.  
I loved a made-up man.
The pain I felt was self-inflicted.
God's love will heal me as only he can.

I have some sadness that you're gone.
I miss loving you no matter what.
Being the one who loves you more.
Relieved I'm ending this B-movie, CUT
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Desperation feels so intrusive to me.
Like the crazy relative no one wants to see.
Hitting my peace out of the park with ease.
Taking my moments in time to another, full of need.
Can't begin to empty the hole filled by desperate seed.
Then a light of hope opens up the hopeless in me.
Beaming real and complete I feed. Desperations power gone, I find I'm at peace with me.

Becky jo Gibson
Becky Jo Gibson Oct 2017
DREAD
January 15, 2006

Take my yesterdays and do not offer anything more.
I'm still reeling from the power of hate.
How could I have known this was what was in store.
Take my present day as it is full of moments to late.

There are no riches and bounds of undying love.
Nothing can change this reality of sorrow.
I'm full of feelings that taint, maim, shove.
Open wounds grow as I dread tomorrow

RESOLVE ~after dread~
June 15, 2013

Take your hold on me and go to hell. 
I'm still reeling at your need for revenge.
Your coldness as my hold on life fell.
The fire of your anger left me singed.

Gone are the emotions that kept us tied.
My heart is cold now and no longer involved.
I'm comfortable without you at my side.
I've shed all my tears, at long last resolve.
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
that should be me your meeting today

I need those eyes to shine for me
no chance that need will take root
you must be involved first...

yea, to lose your way you must be present
the truth is...you missed appearing  
wide, deep, distant, shallow, empty

ohhhh..the power of twisted passion
it outshines even the brightest eyes
takes reasonable people off the grid of logic

moments that escape sanity by feet to miles
captured by need...primal need....
raw, consuming, physical, deep, fulfilling

depth becomes harder to reach as we couple
raising the bar to leave an empty need

you reign here in my land of you
only risk as we clear another layer of reality
the need growing bigger as it roots

freedom yours alone as you maintain
not captured by this fire burning my life
sick, desperate, alone, needy, empty

straight out into the fire that consumes
no hesitation here, no fear
nothing compares to complete passion

do you even think about me
does your mind drift as your ******* her
is she as fulfilling as a lover

do you care that my heart is bled out
is it real that you aren't mine
never will be mine is the truth

not a chance we can capture us
because us was actually me
in love, blind, hopeful, loyal

I am not going to call
won't open any windows or doors
you don't love me

sometimes the truth is too hard to see
harder still to make me know
you, me, us, two words and one dream

******* and **** your lies
**** me for being a little girl in love
vunerable, whimsical, delusional, broken

ouch

Becky Jo Gibson © all rights reserved 06-14-15
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
My struggle to actually leave, mind, body and soul
Has blurred the lines between real and desire
My absolute need to walk away whole
All muddied up consumed by your fire
It is easier to sit back and dream, ever loyal
I am very comfortable in this risk free zone
Waiting for you to leave your contaminated soil
Praying you come with me and make a home
Hope, faith and visions, all tools I use to stay right here
Today my gut is reminding me I'm living an illusion
Nothing I do, see or know today is clear
I am stuck in self inflicted mass confusion
Do you feel anything I send in to spark feeling?
Are you at all open to getting to know me
Do my words reach, comfort, touch or send you reeling
Pushing you further away and feeling the need to flee
I apologize for drawing you into my ego everyday
My desperation must be so hard to endure
I don't like not getting the things I want or my way
You cutting me off, if you so desire will end this for sure
So I must send this as my last poem you will read
Putting you down as my pen writes the final line
I remember now your words I will heed
"I can't feel what I don't feel", please stay gone, I will be fine

Becky Jo Gibson
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
I wandered far after losing my faith very young.
I was a pagan from twenty five to forty seven years old.
So far gone I studied it all from wicca to Carl Jung.
No matter what I found my spirit remained cold.

The reasons my faith faultered kept me locked in hate.
All things ugly found a place in my broken heart.
I thought life was about material things, money, food on my plate.
I lost everything tangible except what fit in a shopping cart.

God went to great lengths to bring me back into His fold.
In the street I ate only if I sat through a Preacher teaching us Gods word.
I fought against my narrow view of a Christians mold.
Spoke on how Christians were dumb, their beliefs absurd.

Flesh cannot out hold out when God has a path that He clears.
I began to open up, my heart and spirit starting to heal.
Slowly my walls came down and hope replaced fear.
Hungry, cold and wet a winter storm hit and I sat needing a meal.

Headphones on I paid no mind as the Mission filled with people like me.
I was interrupted by a man and woman tapping my arm.
She told me to pay attention as she felt her words would set me free.
I looked into her eyes, I knew she meant no harm.

I listened and felt every word this couple spoke.
They told my story from beginning to present day.
I knew that life left me the day my spirit broke.
I let my guard down and felt His touch as he lighted my way.

Becky Jo Gibson
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
I woke up under a bridge
alone
it's dark under here
my eyes still haven't adjusted
I think I have bed bugs
at least I am dry, well sort of
recalling yesterday
my morning spent packing
rain is clearly taking my home
I feel it in my bones
hurry
no one is going to help
where did all this stuff come from?
I really don't need this or this or this or this
what a day that was
today will be worse
the ground is wet and mud is abound
stinky already, just wait till it settles
homeless has a smell
rain is not my friend
surely it is not the same as before
when the sky was not my ceiling

Becky Jo  Gibson
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
since seeing you my mind is filled up
I was ok, really ok and not looking back
now I feel you again and I'm angry at God
I've words eating away at my spirit
you have my love tucked away behind your eyes
I understand why you are gone
I do agree that we are not seeing tomorrow
I don't want you today
I want yesterday...our first days
that is where my words could be felt
it was then that your eyes could shine
when you felt me in reality
I could have respected you
there was a chance I could wrap up in you
a fleeting chance it could have been me
me and you meeting on that bus all smiles
us making plans for tomorrow
yet I'm here today without you
thank God without you
your love for me is phoney and ugly
your passion was all I could feel
everything else belonged to others
I am not ok that you set me afloat
I am not ok that you didn't even attempt to know me
I am sad and angry at you
you, my ex lover...never my man
just a toy who I fell in love with
and like all toys you were outgrown
not as I would have it I must admit
I still believe...it should have been me

6-6-15 becky jo gibson © all rights reserved
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
allowing you inside gave way to regret
not because I love you so complete
unrequitted is the reason I fret
your desire for me to be discreet

those times when you acted distant towards me
when you wouldn't show up and ignore my calls
I ignored all the obvious reasons to leave you be
instead I steady let down my walls

testing the boundries of my love  
learning how to love no matter what
seems you were sent from above
for me to know I can love despite deep cuts

I'm not so love poor after all
my love for you is still alive and real
I forgave you every lie, big and small
I will always love you...its truly love I feel

becky jo gibson © all rights reserved
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Eyes sparkling.
Hands touching.
Bodies molding.
Mouths taking.
Legs wrapping.
Hips moving.
Desire enveloping.
Passion consuming.
Need feeding.
Release building.
Satisfaction complete
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
November 17th, 2007.
Becky Jo heard, no felt His call.
The day I learned I'm bound for heaven.
I became new, forgiven for sins big and small.

I studied His gift...learned what he gave for me.
My mind out of the way I learn.
I am part of Jesus' Body.
I know a love no action can earn.

I rejoice in what I know He needs.
Study, pray, acknowlege who He is.
Speak of His sacrifice, testify, plant His seed.
Glorify Him, show all that I live to be His.

To give all my Glory to God above.
To give way to His light at my feet.
Sharing His word humble in His marvelous love.
My fire so strong I can't stay in my seat.

I am His tool to use no matter what.
I give my all to spreading His love around.
I give remembering how that whip ripped and cut.
I give for His joyful family and love I've found.
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Swept into a space too small to hold me.
His eyes put me there at first glance.
The containment welcome as I had to catch my breath.
Mesmerized by the shape of his features!
Oh what a beautiful man he is.
Everything about him screams alive.
Swept into his land of him and the pleasure he gives.
Held close by his attention and sweet words.
His allure carefully crafted with his heartless soul.
Mesmerized by his amazing mouth and touch.
Oh what a beautiful man he is.
Everything about him screams desire.
Swept into his land of lies and deception.
Confusion is abound as I hit the ground.
No longer blind to his games and fake love.
Mesmerized by my inability to make truth real.
Oh what a beautiful man he is.
Everything about him screams need.
Swept into his land of pain and sorrow.
Reality is so hard to maintain in my mind.
His web woven in captivating moments.
Mesmerized by the memories of us in love.
Oh what a beautiful man he is.
Everything about him screams mine.
Swept into his land of closure.
My feelings slowly matching the reality I despise.
The need for him fills every inch of me.
Mesmerized by how weak I've become.
Oh what a beautiful man he is.
Everything about him screams player.
Swept into his land of done.
He won't give any part of him to sooth me.
Nothing he has is for me as he is over it.
Mesmerized by my lack of composure.
Oh what a beautiful man he is.
Everything about him screams deception.
Swept into my land of reality.
He is gone and I am so alone.
Cut off from the ability to find new love.
Mesmerized by my denial of his lack.
Oh what a beautiful man he is.
Everything about him screams ouch.
Becky Jo Gibson 2-26-16
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Four years...close to that anyway.
Enough time to create many ghosts.
My today's filled with space taken.
Deep rooted memories of time spent with you.
Actually more time without you has passed.
My heart knows only us in time.
See... My heart is wrapped in lights.
Only yours.
Every light shines for you.
Alone though it may be, it shines bright and true
For you.
I want to forget.
Let you go.
Take out your lights and break them ät your feet.
A show of I AM DONE.
My done!
None would believe such a crazy thing.
Especially you.
You see the light.
Are the light.
You know it.
When it flickers you react.
Push or pull, matters not.
Response is enough.
You need my need.
It feeds you.
My love for you is as true as it comes.
Feeding the us in whatever way necessary.
Attention is attention after all.
Can you imagine me not loving you?
Right there in front of you.
Where you predicted I'd be.
Feeling.
Knowing.
Peaceful.
Content.
Content in knowing that no matter what you have my love.
Feel it?
Does it cause you to pause?
When do you see me in your life?
When do I come to mind?
I rank.
Even a low rank is ranking.
Not gone.
Not done.
There.
A love so complete yet I feel so incomplete.
There.
In front of you.
I wish I could hate you.
Do you want me to?
Please show me how if you do!
If not than just KNOW... The light shines for you.
Only you!
None can come between you, me and your light.
You hold the key.
Until you release me!
Only God shines brighter.
Only God!

By Becky Jo Gibson6
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
protected I sit alone
lacking the comfort of love
no one to soothe my isolation
surviving an angry crowd
i want to scream out loud
where is my equal
someone strong in spirit
able to find love under the pain
pain from slights of countless people
love not gone
just covered up tight
out in the open
what others see
not the real me
pain that has a life of it's own
taking my laughter
eating away at my joy
leaving me protected and alone
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Does your mouth still taste me?
My *** all up in your soul taking moments from your typical day.
Planting you in a memory that tingles.

Overwhelming you and leaving you full of desire all mine.
Desire only I can remove.
Only our touch fulfills the need.

Does your body remember the way I feel and respond?
Your mouth tastes me as memories fill all your senses.

You smile and allow a moan to escape you from deep inside.
Do you shake it off or let it take you back?
Wrapping you up in us.
Feeling all that we were.

Do you remember?
Can you still feel me?

Becky Jo Gibson 11-3-15
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Flooding waters came as the rain fell on my tent.
It happened so fast I was not able to get out.
Surrounded by water, I watch my friend dig a trench.
I feel so powerlessness it fills me with doubt.

Wondering what I am doing back here in the riverbed.
Before the rain I was happy to have a home and felt good.
It's morning now and I'm grateful I'm not dead.
What was beauty is now ugly, barren, wet, crude.

I wonder if the rain is done with it's showers of despair.
This storm took more from me than material things.
My desperate spirit is also in need of repair.
Time to get up and see what another homeless day brings.
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
Seperate from societies norm we mingle on the streets.
We live in tents, cars, doorways, many sleep on the concrete.
In towns, cities, ghettos, amoung regular folk to societies elite.
We notice anger, fear, disgust on the faces that pass us by.

Every so often a civilian stops to lend a much needed helping hand.
Offering items for norishment, warmth, pets, showing compassion, they seem to understand.
More often its the police with a complaint telling us to disband.
We move on spoiling someone elses day for the space we occupy.

Some of us are lost, alone, mentally ill, no family that gives a ****.
Drug addicts, alcoholics, displaced vets, regular people who lost it all to a scam.
Children, runaways, women who were abused, some don't care, some with plans.
Visible, yet feeling invisible we help one another minute by minute barely getting by.

I helped dozens of homeless people today just like I do everyday.
My chioces are lost in the time it takes to survive and help others along the way.
I can't complain as I have God to help me to make it through each day.
He gives me strength, comfort and peace as people pass unable to look me in the eye.

The feeling that comes over me when I give to someone like me...
Humble comes to mind, so does joy; only when I give do I feel truly free.
That is when I feel at one with God and totally 100% right with me.
Being homeless is ******* ones spirit; the pain I see often makes me want to cry.

As the days became years I see that God has a purpose for me here.
Sometimes I wonder what it is other times it's perfectly clear.
I find I do a lot better when I keep the Good Book near.
I praise the Lord, I read his word, I speak his name, I look people in the eye.

There's no denying the need that falls upon people when we're out here.
I'm doing my best to help open people's eyes and make our plight very clear.
Fact is most of us really don't want to live like this...we see alot, live in fear.
The mind very powerful, it feeds the soul with what it sees most it does not deny.

When people look at us with hate, fear, all things foul and without concern for souls.
Takes our hope, self worth leaving emptiness where we may have once been whole.
Products of our environment we get stuck for lack of eyes that see out of this hole.
I pray everyday that each one of us finds the love we need and gives us wings to fly.

.
As I wrote this poem I found myself wanting to create words to help readers to understand us, the homeless. There are so many reasons we are here that understanding is perhaps to lofty a goal. I would be content to just not be judged. I would be thrilled just to be looked in the eye
Becky Jo Gibson Aug 2016
be quiet, don't rock the boat, do you really have to go there...
yes I do, I am alive with words.
alive because of words.
silence for this writer is a cage without an exit.
an excellent way to drive me mad.
unspoken they fester and take root in negative soil.
I see what others see and choose to ignore.
I don't ignore the pink elephant in the middle of the room.
I encourage her to be loud, get peoples attention.
to give birth to communication and healthier exchanges with others.
not hiding from truth.
embracing self awareness without blame or regret.
my words inspire, help, anger, sometimes enrage.
the truth does that at times.
denial is so tenacious that I must match resolve.
unspoken, ignored they eat at my spirit.
opening me up to fear, insecurity, confusion.
for me to say it is to breathe.

Becky Jo Gibson©

— The End —