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Genevieve May 2014
This morning I woke up
03:27am;
Outside it had been raining
The leaves on the trees were still wet
I was cold.
The window was open and
A gust of wind
Blows through into my bedroom,

I had had a restless night.

Kicked the covers
half on to the floor but,
My pillow
I held onto tightly;
Not under my head
But in my arms.

I dreamt about you
again,
I can’t get you out of my head.

My mind is so loud;
The voices shout and scream,
They never leave me alone;
Wanting my attention
Every waking moment
Grabbing me by the throat,
Stopping my breathing.
I cannot speak
Only a hoarse whisper
Proceeds,
their hold is too tight
To break free.
Genevieve May 2014
I'm still scared
That I'm going to **** myself
I still cannot take baths
With candle light

Burning incense
To clear my head
And the water's too hot
Numbing my body

Stuffy air
That makes my eyes water

Remembering that night

I cannot submerge my head
Underwater
In case I decide
I do not want to surface
again

I could take all the drugs in the world
get high as a kite
Trying to feel something
more than this

This nothingness
Goes deeper than
Beneath my skin
I am dead inside
I don't know how to express how I'm feeling but **** it's getting bad again and I need more than my life to feel alive anymore
Genevieve May 2014
Empty
I'm doing nothing
I don't have a hold on my life
There is no feeling
In my body
My mind
Everything is meaningless

Insignificant

Insignificance

Ghosts haunt this wreckage
That I call my home
My flesh and bones

My blood is bleeding black
Clammy, pastel violet skin
No smile on her face
A corpse
walking the earth

What is her worth?
She asks herself
everyday
No reply
Except from the voices
in her head
Convincing her
Death is the only salvation
she seeks
Genevieve May 2014
Light candles
Burn incense
Listening to the rain
**** thinking about school
Numb your mind
for a while
Listen to your soul
For once
Genevieve May 2014
Smoke too many cigarettes;
Turning your lungs black,
Filling your body with poison.
Sick to the stomach.
Thinking too much;
Not thinking enough.
It leaves you feeling
that little bit more,
As you fall to the floor,
Counting steps,
No feeling in my legs.

Knowing that you are
killing yourself.
Too tired to care.

The adrenaline gets you high,
Like a muffled buzzing noise
in your ears
And bleeding in your brain.

They tell me it's expensive suicide,
But I just want to feel alive
Have some substance
to my life.

To be able to feel
the wind in my hair,
And rain
pouring down my face.
Because at night
That's what is keeping me safe .
  May 2014 Genevieve
Jason Cirkovic
My mother should be an author
She carves her soul into millions of pieces
Leaving it behind all of the family photos
When I see my mother
I see a woman
Who wants to hide her soul in a needle
Just so the screaming can stop in her mind,
These bottles are rattling in the living room
You see they have put shackles on her heart,
She can't love anymore
Without having ***** in her water bottle.

Where is she hiding her beer?
I feel like my mother is giving me a scavenger hunt
From the shards of glass that were left on the baseball fields
My mother used to take me to.

You know she always wasn't like this
She was strong minded and had a big heart
Tonight I will tell you the story of a woman
Who lost her soul to the Keystones to the Miller Lites
To the ****** Mary’s.
Let's rewind time
See ******* the soul in ten years

10- I look into my mother's eyes and I start to cry
Because I'm looking at a woman who I don't know anymore

9- I refused to bail her out of jail again
Because I'm afraid her kidney will fail if she drinks again

8- My mother staggered into the theater and disrupted the whole play,
My cast mates turned to me and asked, isn't that your mother?

7- I had to hold my mothers hand
Because she was throwing up the cocktail of drugs and alcohol

6- Daddy had to get mom out of jail she was drinking again

5- My mother throws the bottle across the room
And told me the reason why she drinks is because I'm Autistic

4- My mother overslept for my piano recital,
I didn't think it was a big deal
But I remember she spent the whole night crying
With a wine glass in her hand.

3- Mommy I didn't know your prescription came in a needle

2- Mommy the prescription say 2 pills a day
why are you taking 6?

1- My mother went to the doctor
Found out that she has Rheumatoid Arthritis
I don't know what that means,
But I know she will still be strong right?

0- She took me to a Dodger game for my birthday.
I remember Sammy Sosa hitting a home run that game
She told me that the only person that can **** your soul is yourself
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