Sometimes, I want to disappear
To find in the void my new now and here
To go back to a state of non-existence
Where life begins anew because it ends


Yet the body wants no death
It longs for no last breath
It wants to dance and jump and run
To bathe in the ocean and feel the sun


But the soul can't see the light
Quiet desperation, a daily fight
Long is the way out of this mess
Can't I get a new one and start fresh?

Maybe your tongue could be my own
Maybe your teeth are the mirror I’ve been fearing this whole time
Maybe your mouth is where I want to hide forever
Or maybe I want to be trapped within your mind

Maybe I want to see you from the inside
Not hearing what you have to say
But really see you from the inside
In a Jonah sort of way

Maybe I want mine to be your body
Incessant movement where one cannot tell
Where you begin and where I end

Maybe I don’t want it to ever end
Maybe it scares me if it never ends
Will it never end? Or more importantly, will it even start?

The best thing about kissing you
Is how close my face gets to yours
That way, everything else disappears
And I can only see you

Kissing you like this
Just gently on the lips
It is the only time
I am not missing you

When our lips touch
For just a split second
It is the highlight of my day,
My week, my month,
Until my lips get to touch yours again

If I am not touching you
I am missing you
There is no other state

I start missing you the second our gaze parts
Even if I can still hear your steps walking away

When we say goodbye
My stomach wants to leave with you
Just rip its way out of my body
And leave me rotting inside
Gutless...
And missing you.