Even after what seems like ages in a span of time you think you've become okay, it's the littlest nuances that seem to contrive your whole existence from a single face and bring about all the forgotten things you use to do, and say and share with one of the most important people in your life, in a single moment. You think you're fine, and you haven't a means nor a purpose to remember the things that hurt you, so you simply don't.

Then, one day, there they are: someone you thought you'd never see again, all the same someone you never thought would invoke this demonizing sense of regret that just breaks you down into the moment and rattles you to the very bone with antagonizing nostalgia. And the flood of memories return, from every midnight walk to every moment spent talking, smiling and learning from one another. And it begins to make you cringe and hurt inside that what once was is no more, and this friend will never be a friend again.

What a cruel irony to think what were lost in a series of unfortunate events would eventually - and even, once upon a time, you thought to yourself "hopefully" - disappear and mean nothing, only for it all to come back; that daunting whisper in the back of your conscience telling you "you still care" all the while berating the question as to why you do. It may seem and feel complicated, but it's always so simple: they held great value to your life.

The most painful thing to feel in life is to lose someone important to you, permanently. But, those kinds of situations are easy enough to endure, considering their resolve is absolute - you can't do anything about someone passing away. But when it comes to someone who simply had to leave because of merely bad circumstance, nobody teaches you how to cope with that. And it becomes an incessant pain wandering in the desert of the mind struggling, trying to figure out what, if anything, there is for you to do to fix it. The most aching question of all isn't "how do I get past this?" - No.

The most aching of all questions is, how do you convince a shadow to come to life?

I am the conduit
When feelings hit, they strike deep
Like lightning, unfathomable strength More fleeting than the jaded moments
It comes to fade like shallow breaths
But the scars remain
Reminding me of a forever, lost

Misspelled shadows
A creeping psalm of hope
I am the line crossed
I am the light lost
I am the entity that can't be found
Scorned by solemn apathy
I become the withered and unbound

Ransom unjust fate
Just to feel okay by yourself
You are the silence I seek
Courageous and unfettered by longing
My love seethes in empty corridors
Wandering past each frame of mind
Doorways leading to crippled lines

Threads unjust, no beginning or end
This woven featurette is yours to weep
Watch me dance hollowly on screen
Stepping over each piece of glass
Like the ghostly waltz of yesteryear
Find me there, underneath the crown of hate

I am the conduit
I am the fateless misery you strive to hate
Strike me down, fell my cause
Bring me to my knees
Misery seems to be my favorite mistake
The taste of your lips a listless waste

I've dreamt of you
and now you're here
even when I'm awake

It's raining outside. I woke up gently to it tapping on the window; the sound enraptures me, I kept my eyes shut for a time to simply embrace the moment.

It reminded me of "her," I felt that voice in every droplet that touched the glass; like those loving words and fluency with the hearts involved, I even felt it in the way the cold air caressed my skin.

The rain is my peace, my inevitable calm. It brings me a joy like nothing else, and instills a contentment unrivaled by any other nuance.

I sensed that there, because I've come to find: the rain, those feelings, they've always been her

Seldom do we find our own reality gnawing at the right door
Senseless guise and fruitless time arrived from feeding on the wrong domain

Indecision obfuscating want and need
Imploring absolution as an only means to achieve hope
Begetting desolation is the end result in spite of it all

We are found, when
We let go of what was tearing down our walls
We are done, when
The lie becomes the forged duality
We are lost, when
Hopeless dreams derive from tainted purity

Love is not a way to seek reprise
The heart demands a sacrifice of old
Each new dawn beseeches zero compromise

We either live long enough to see our desires through and die alone without surmise

Or we strive to push through all the insalubrious conjecture long enough to see what's true

Sanctity, depravity, hand in hand echoing
Peace does not become the solution until chaos has its way without vision
We see ourselves wrought through trial of flame
Burnt by years of decimating neglect, impoverished longing for what soul would embrace our own

I see you, and I see the sun; blinding impressions waking every eye closed by incessant deception

I seek you, and I feel the earth beneath my soles; through embodied disposition, resonating "you have begun the right direction"

I feel you, and I feel a place to call my own

I want you, and I find peace of mind to  extricate the withering denial of prior disappointment

I need you, we feel the stark contrast of what was and begin anew

I want to spend my time and effort creating stronger paths that lead us to where we both desire to go

And the rest is misery
Fiery contemplation
Delerious disposition
An exposé of all we aren't
Indecision left at the crest of dawn
Seething repitiore in words and meaning, disdained and left to fester away from all that matters of the heart

We are strong, and the resolute sinks in

We are proud, and misery's addiction fades into oblivion

We are meant to be, savory, undeniable, absolute, fateless but reliably designed hand in hand

You are the string cut from the edge of the woven cloth, I am the seam with withered edges; our hearts the hands that begin to write anew the chapter which binds our ties; our shared strength lies in the knots we bound

Suffer never again
Cry never alone
Waste no time nor effort
Be as one to behold

We are living apart, together
Someday soon, we live as one
We forge sanctuary beyond all weather
In due time, our strife be done

You are my revelry
You are my empathy
You are my fateless waltz into the unknown
You are my dawn, my night, my favored tone
You are my heart
You are my warmth
You are the glow with which I have to guide my path
You are my undeniable way home

But do you feel a semblance?...

She was the wind, and he the sea

Her soft kisses commanding his attention; his depth and breadth  embracing her every touch

Apart, two powerful yet gentle beings, existing in tandem

Together, a force to be reckoned with

That is the only love I care to be: unconditional, natural, unrelenting, eternal

I thought of you today,
It was grander than anything else