Where were you?
As a little girl I searched.
I wondered.
I could see you.
But I never knew you.

Dad, where were you?
Why couldn't you protect me?
Why couldn't I be your princess?
Maybe I should've been a boy.
Maybe I'd matter.

I could never be anyone.
But a part of you.
But it never mattered.
You are never here.
Why are you never here?

My father, the stranger.
I blame myself.
But how can it be my fault?
How can I relate?
I don't know a **** thing.

Who's fault is it?
Not mine.
You didn't give me time.
You couldn't even be a dad.
How sad is that?

A.F.

I've yet to forget your presence.
How wonderful you made me feel.
How alive you made me feel.
You lit a fire inside of me.
A fire that has yet to die.
I cannot bare the thoughts.
The endless memories trapped inside me.
You've captured me.
You are the worst addiction.
I cannot bare this feeling.
Endless feelings.
You've left me here.
No care in the world.
You've left me here alone.
You knew what it'd do to me.

You knew.

A.F.

I am human.
Messed up.
Incomplete.
I am a ship wreck.
Torn apart.
Lost at sea.
I am ****** up.
Scared.
And alone.
Searching for peace.
In a world without hope.

A.F.

I never knew I could miss someone like you.
How miserable you made me.
How much of a monster you've become.
But here I am, missing everything about you.
Even the horrors you hold within.
I loved everything you offered.
Even the heartache you caused.
And every little stab at my heart never decreased my want for you.
I can't help it.
I'm so madly in love with a monster.
I'm so in love with what we had.
Your lips were like fireworks.
Every kiss was magical.
Every touch made me shiver.
Just the sound of your voice soothed me.
I remember thinking this is it.
You are it.
But eventually, like everything, you had to go.
I was too much.
It was too much.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
You left me for another.
An old friend if you will.
An enemy of mine.
You left and that was it.
Only for you.
Because here I am still loving you.
Here I am wishing I was her.
Every time you were upset.
I should've grabbed you and said it was okay.
Even if it wasn't.
You were the only one who made me feel.
I felt everything at once.
I want that back.
I want you back.
Even though you killed me.
I'd give my life again just to be with you.
I'd gladly go through that pain again, to be with you.
I'm crazy I know.
But who could love you like I did.
I know she can't.

I long for the day.
I can wake up.
Without longing for you.
Please.
I can't take anymore.
Mornings with tears in my eyes.
Because.
I couldn't roll over and look at yours.
Looking into mine.

Leave my memories.

A.F.

I remember crying over you.
I'm not talking a few tears and I'm blue.
I'm talking collapsing and screaming at the moon.

A.F.

I painted you to be perfect.
In my mind.
You were my artwork.
One wrong brush stroke.
And you could be ruined.
Everything could be ruined.
You turned out much different.
I painted ever so carefully.
You painted outside of the lines.
You've made a mess of yourself.

A.F.

How simple
A person can be
But much more to you
Feelings erupting
Burning your insides
And you think
How can someone make me feel
Dead yet alive?
Such a mistake thinking a person
Can be anything more than a person
As if they had super powers
That kept your heart beating
That kept you alive
Only to leave
Causing you to shrivel up and die
Because you thought that person
Was much more than a person
You were stupid, naive
And now you know people
Are just people and
Its the way you see
Them that makes them special
Open your eyes
You may be thinking too much
Of a simple human being
With no powers at all.

A.F.

I guess I don't expect you to still love me.
I'll be honest, I don't even love me.
I wish things could be different.
I wish I was that girl again.
The one keeping you out of trouble.
The one loving you until night fall.
I can't explain why you're hard to let go of.
I can't explain the way your name makes me feel.
The way it hurts.
I'm an idiot.
Chasing you after the pain.
Guess I'm an idiot in love.
And that's how it'll stay.

The wind is blowing
My hair flowing behind me
Ive never smelt anything more beautiful
Spring is finally here
Sweet spring, is finally here
I've missed you so dearly
Never leave me
I couldn't bare another cold winter alone
I'd miss you so
Sweet spring, never go.

A.F.

You were only a character in my story.
A character that passed away.
And that's why you no longer exist.
And that's why death scenes hurt.
It reminds me of you.
And your death in my story.
How it hurt so bad.
How you no longer exist.
You needed to die though.
In order to be happy.
You needed to leave my story.
But I miss you.
I miss your being.
You hurt me when you left.
But I can only learn from it.
Give you a proper goodbye.
And bury you with the memories.

I hope you're happy in the story you star in now.

A.F.

It's pathetic.
How quick it ended.
How there was so much feeling.
Then there was nothing.

I asked what I did wrong.
You say nothing.
You say, it's me not you.
What a joke.

You ache in my bones.
Yet you run like a school boy.
I could tell I loved you.
I think you could too.

You're terrified.
But so am I.
You say you're not ready.
But that's just a sweet lie.

You were here.
You wanted this.
I blinked for 2 seconds.
You were gone in a instance.

I miss you.

A.F.

I don't remember your touch.
I almost wish I did.
It was quite lovely.
Even though you tore me apart.
And broke me.
You held me close.
Held my pieces together.
And one day you let go.
And I crumbled.
I still think of you.
Even though you killed me.
Every day is different.
Filled with love or hate.
I can't decide now.
If I could hate you I would.
But you're a monster in disguise.
And I miss your devilish touch.
**** me with your kiss.
Pick up my pieces and let them fall.
I must stay unattached.

Growing up was a hard thing to do.
I had to make sure I was nothing like you.
My hair, eyes, and nose.
Couldn't be anything close.
Character was what it was.
I hated yours, because..
You taught me so many wrongs.
I had to learn as I went on.
I had to be a woman so quick.
Because you were full nothing but tricks.
When it came to me, you gave up.
You were so tired and messed up.
Lying was what you did best.
Everything to you was just a test.
I truly learned a lot from you.
Like everything not to do.
You were so unfit when it came to me.
So I raised myself and let you be.
Thank you for the food you bought.
I wish there were more lessons taught.
Like maybe how boys could hurt so much.
Or simply how to comb my hair or brush.
I learned everything on my own.
But I wish more love was shown.
And now its hard to really relate.
Every apology was said too late.

A.F.

I really thought you'd see that I loved you.
In everything I did.
I really thought my begging would bring you back to me.
I thought you'd see I was addicted. Addicted to your presence alone.

And then you added kissing and I felt right at home.
I really thought you'd see I couldn't spend a moment without you.
Because if I did I'd feel hollow.
But you left out the door.
I don't think I couldve hurt any more.

My eyes said it all but you weren't looking close enough.
You breathed me in and you broke my heart.
I wish your life would fall apart.
Then you'd really feel exactly what I felt when you left me in the dark.

You monster.

A.F.